Psychosis

Recovery

The people we spoke to had different ideas of what recovery meant, and if recovery was something that was achievable by them in their lives. Traditionally, people with mental health problems - especially serious diagnoses like schizophrenia - were mostly not expected to recover fully. Today, attitudes have begun to change. Many organisations and mental health services now promote a ‘recovery’ approach, regardless of whether or not professionals believe that people can fully get better.

Recovery is a concept that is difficult to pin down. While clinical recovery usually means an absence of psychiatric symptoms (e.g. voices, delusions), individual recovery can be a very personal thing, involving finding hope and meaning in life, despite having gone through traumatic experiences. In this section, people talk about personal recovery, but also what recovery may mean in a wider political context. Recovery can mean anything from establishing a meaningful life, participating more fully in life, taking two steps forward and one step back, or finding a way to thrive despite all the challenges imposed by distress and even the catastrophes along the way. Many of the topics covered in this section are also covered in other sections in more detail' for example ‘Strategies for coping’, ‘Views about causes and traumatic experiences’ and ‘Medication’.

Graham is trying to learn what he wants out of life.

Graham is trying to learn what he wants out of life.

Age at interview: 47
Sex: Male
Age at diagnosis: 22
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I see the professionals. I see psychologists. I see all these. And they’re very good, but yes it’s believing in the world again is the most important thing and for me, since I broke up with my wife a lot of it is brand new. It sounds strange, but it feels like I’m learning what friendships are again for the first time. I’m learning how to be a friend with people. And that’s very confusing. And I’m trying to learn what I want out of life and I’m not very sure what it is. But a lot of it is very quiet. A lot of it is just the wonder of being in the world. I suppose because I was so close to not being in the world. Because, you know, I was saying earlier that when I was in hospital, my, my ambition was to find the beauty of being a spirit. And now I’m trying to find the beauty of being in the world. And, and actually learning to believe in myself as a person who has value to other people. And I haven’t succeeded in doing that. But to try to do it is wonderful. It’s really good. And sometimes it’s terribly, terribly lonely. And sometimes you feel that there is no one in the world that can connect with the experiences you’ve gone through. But I do have some wonderful people around me. You know, when we came in, you know, I was holding a friend’s baby. You know, what can replace that. You know, having a wee child, so trusting that they want to use their wee fingers to touch your nose and your, your chin and feel your mouth, is, you can’t replace that. It’s those are the important things. And they are what keeping me going rather then… well I know drugs probably do keep me going in a way that’s different. But without that’s something to want to be a part of there would be no point in drugs in the first place. 
When talking about recovery, people spoke about developing a whole range of approaches. For example, they described trying to understand better the causes of their distress; using medication; gradual improvement over the passage of time; the support they received from family and friends; changes made to lifestyles (e.g. reducing illicit drug use); acquiring safe housing and a stable income; developing themselves through education, self-development (e.g. meditation) and work; and exploring different aspects of themselves through talking therapies. Several people said that there was no single way to recover, and they had to do what worked for them. People said it was possible to live with ‘symptoms’ such as voices, or still be on psychiatric medication, yet still find ways to recover. Other people said that they should be able to feel sadness, anger, pain and loss, without being told they were suffering from a mental illness.
 
Personal journeys
Many people said that recovery was a very personal journey but that they still sometimes needed the help of others. Even when people had recovered they still experienced difficult times. Some people were encouraged by early gains but suffered setbacks. Peter went ‘cold turkey’ without any psychiatric medication' a strategy that he now wouldn’t recommend to anyone. Some people started with goals such as going out of the house, or even getting up out of bed in the morning.

Jenni found that it was difficult getting her life back on track, but had support from her parents.

Jenni found that it was difficult getting her life back on track, but had support from her parents.

Age at interview: 30
Sex: Female
Age at diagnosis: 26
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And then my, since then my life got better. And I just had to get back on the right track. So my parents put a lot, they’d always put a lot of investment in my career. So they invested a lot of time in me to try and sort out my career. So I think that’s what’s helped. I moved house again. And I moved in with some very nice house mates and that helped. And my Mum also helped me with my appearance. So I had to be taught how to dress well. I had to wash. Stuff like that. I was like a baby again. I had to be parented again. And then the area… So basically I got my career back on track. I lost another job while I was in recovery, because I was adamant I would go straight back to work, because I’d be, because I lost my job I was off work for a year, while I was ill, before I was diagnosed. So I was just running about the place, like trying to bug friends on their lunch breaks, and stuff like that. Just, God knows what I was doing. I did some work experience, I did a course, stuff like that. But I was just bumming about basically. And when I was getting better I lost another job. And then finally I started contracting which really suits me, because you do short term contracts. And also by that time in my career, I learnt enough skills to hold down a job. Because my career, my chosen career I was sort of launched in at the deep end, because I didn’t do a vocational degree. So it was very difficult for me to concentrate. And some of symptoms are difficulty in concentrating, difficulty in following things through, so all the type of things that you need to be a professional in business. It was very difficult.
 
And yes, the one area that I’m still trying to fix is about relationships, friendships, because when I was ill, I was basically left with no friends. No one wanted to come near me. Everyone either had, I don’t know, thinking about it, may be they had a stigma. I had a stigma because I was concerned about it myself, but I was so worried about being diagnosed and labelled that I didn’t go and get the help that I needed early enough. Because looking back I should have gone to get help, what, ten years before, for depression, but I never did. I never got the help that I needed. And I can’t say that for ten years I was suffering, because I wasn’t. I having the time of my life, but I was being reckless, I was overspending, just things like that. And, people who knew me slowly drifted away, and I was not making new friends. So when I was actually diagnosed, I was, basically had no like [inhales] now, I see myself, I’m back to where I was before, but I’m much more wise, I’m much self reliant, and have confidence in myself, but I think I’ve got this ideology that friends let you down. Because when I needed them most, at my time of, my hour of need, no one was there for me. But my family was there for me, but no one else was, and yeah that was really difficult. 
 

Rachel says that although she doesn't have what some people would describe as a 'full life' she has a happy life.

Rachel says that although she doesn't have what some people would describe as a 'full life' she has a happy life.

Age at interview: 47
Sex: Female
Age at diagnosis: 27
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I’m wondering as we are starting to talk a little bit about recovery? What does that mean to you?
 
Oh it’s so precious. It is such a precious thing. Recovery to me means that I don’t have overwhelming symptoms. That I’m able to function. Recovery to me means that I’m in the community and not in hospital. You know when I am in hospital I am desperately unwell. And anything, that is better than that, is recovery as far as I’m concerned. I don’t have, what some people would regard as a full life. I have a happy life, even though I haven’t got two beans to rub together, but, you know, that’s the way it goes. And that’s it. I mean I can’t work but it doesn’t mean that I don’t have fulfilled or useful life, and that’s taken me a long time to accept and come to terms with and I think since I have done that, you know, I’m not going to change the world on my own. I’m not going to have a high powered job. I’m probably not going to have any job of any description, but what I do have is a wealth of experience. It may not be in an area that is to everybody’s taste, but you know, it, it can be useful. And, and it has been incredibly useful in helping my partner. And I did find, you know, having access to Rethink, just that incredible relief of knowing that you are not on your own, you know, that there are thousands and thousands of people who suffer the same way. Yes. And I think also, I mean recovery means you have to take some practical steps. I mean on the news I will listen to a bulletin any day, rather than reading the newspaper, watching the news, and keeping in current affairs, because basically it’s the same old, same old thing. You know, and as you get older you do kind of realise that. You know, the world turns [laughs]. And we’ve seen it all before. You know. And try not to get too worried about it. Because I think one of the very common things with anxiety in particular, is awfulisation, catastrophisation, where you think that the worst is going to happen. And that just isn’t going to happen, you know, it’s not going… [intake of breath]. Mindfulness has been very, very useful. Because what I find happens to me particularly if I’m stressed is this constant whirring for what’s going round and round and round and round in my head, all the time. Getting worse and worse and worse and worse and it fuels anxiety and to the point where you can begin to feel physically quite uncomfortable, and its learning what the cut off point is, you know, beyond which you are not going to go, and you put a stop on it, and that’s been really, really excellent. Yes. And I think the other thing as well is, realising that as you do get older, you do get stronger. Your resilience against it does grow as time goes on. Particularly if you’re fortunate enough to have periods of time when you are not psychotic. It doesn’t mean that you won’t have the symptoms of anxiety or depression or the huger mood swings that you can get. But that becomes within the bounds of what is normal for you. And it becomes acceptable and I think the more you can find out about the condition you have, the more you understand it, and the less frightening it is. And I would recommend organisations like Rethink. They have some fantastic information. Because sometimes, you know, the medical profession, they don’t know everything. You know, they don’t. And the psychiatrist will be well versed in medication and another nurse will be well versed in talking therapies. So this kind of thing. What you need is a kind of broad spectrum approach, and just grab anything that’s going. Yes. 
Some people talked about a ‘turning point’ or a catalyst for their recovery - such as meeting a particular therapist or understanding more about what led to their psychosis. Others did not mention a key event, but noticed things changing slowly over time.

Dolly found that her recovery was a slow process involving many things over time.

Dolly found that her recovery was a slow process involving many things over time.

Age at interview: 39
Sex: Female
Age at diagnosis: 22
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And for example, you know the Hearing Voices Movement has been going on for quite a while. You know, it started off in Holland. And basically when... they did… one of the things they say is, it’s your voices are always telling... are always, are always messengers basically about your, the state of your mind, your state of your life, your state of your soul. And you should listen to them really. See what are they, what are they saying to you. And why are they saying this to you. And it was only like, because I remember one of the exercises was write down [3 sec pause] what the voices are saying to you. So I did write them down, and you know, funnily enough, just a couple of days lat… later, I had my Dad to say those exact same things to me. And I sort put of two, you know, kind of put two and two together, and thought, you know. And once I kind of understood that, it was, it had some kind of link to my past. I felt I had more control over it. But it wasn’t, it wasn’t kind of a, you know, an ambiguous, you know, mess that I couldn’t hold on to. I could see that, basically I could see the logic in it. 
 
So it works?
 
Yes. So... no as I say, it’s stuff like just saying my Dad isn’t a happy man. He’s very, very unhappy. So, you know, he’s telling himself these things as well. And look what it’s done to him. Do I, and basically I said to myself, do I have to listen to that. Why am I listening to that? Why am I taking it as truth. So... it was kind of understanding that, what the, just to see. How I could change my thinking and how I could control the emotion, the emotions that were, that were quite negative at the time. And basically not in a kind of critical way, because I unders… I also understand, you know, if you’re critical about yourself. That’s actually counter productive. Just to see that you’re, to have kind of compassion for yourself and realise you’re doing the best you can. And as long as you do one thing positive in your life, you’re doing the right thing basically. Not to be kind of hard on yourself. So that, it was, like many, many kind of strands just coming together, and just, you know, over the space of a few years. Just having that self belief you know to write, and then submitting it to publishers and getting it published, gave me more confidence, so I would, I would because I was also writing poetry and said well may be I can perform my poetry. And people said, “Don’t be so stupid Dolly. You know, you’ve got social phobia remember?” And I said, “Well I won’t know until I try.” So and it’s funny always, it’s, you know, I don’t know if it’s true of everyone, but when I need a certain person in my life, they arrive on the scene. So I met this Dutc.. well British poet, but he lived in Holland. And he got, he said, “Come to Holland and perform some poetry.” I said, “I haven’t done it before.” And he said, “So?” So I went over there, you know, and before I performed my poetry I was really scared. I wanted to come home. But he literally, he’s a big guy, he lifted me up and threw me on the stage and said, “Perform.” And I did perform and I loved it actually.
 
Oh fantastic.
 
Yes. So, there’s the having a bit more confidence. That really helps and actually forgiving my Dad was the biggest, I think the biggest positive impact that had on my kind of life. Because I realised he owned my life, I didn’t forgive him... Because I remember somebody saying this to me, and it’s always stuck in my head, is, “If you’re bitter about something, you’re poisoning yourself and hoping the other person is going to get ill from it. But you’re doing the poisoning to yourself.” So understanding you know, being bitter about things is actually poisonous to the soul. Hating somebody is you’re not, you know, you’ve given the power to that person you hate. Not that you don’t own it. Yes, it’s a very kind of slow process of lots of things. Actually what I think it is, it’s just a slow process of learning how to be human. But as kind of really helps, helps me. Not seeing that, you know, the psychosis as you know, a kind of symptom or illness that can only be medicated. But to see that it’s actually part of being human.

Margaret attends a spiritualist church and has developed her understanding of spiritualism.

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Margaret attends a spiritualist church and has developed her understanding of spiritualism.

Age at interview: 41
Sex: Female
Age at diagnosis: 27
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I mean I’m a bit of a spiritualist now, and I attend a spiritualist church and you can you know, they can listen into your thoughts, and you know, you speak to mediums, you know, that’s how they communicate. And also at first when I was, I was experiencing seeing colours and like images, and my doctor said, “Oh they’re hypnogogic images.” And that really frightened me. You know, I’m possessed. I’m seeing things. Because I had no knowledge of spiritual matters. But then when I get more information from mediums, I know that’s how they get all their information from spirit. From, you know, from being clairaudient, clairvoyant, clairsentient, that’s how they, they get all their information.And, and for me I’ve had good things since 2007 as well as not so good things. And I hardly get any bad stuff now.
 
So when you got in touch with mediums. How was that for you?
 
Yes, it was, it was really good. Because in 2007 my Mum, I think it was September, my Mum said my main problem was fear. So I worked for two years on trying to get rid of my fear, which I did. I’m just quite fearless now.
 
Oh fantastic.
 
But I’d been wracked with fear, and that’s why I took lots of tablets, and I thought, you know, if you were down or weak or low, your voices would come. You know, they get you when you’re on your lowest ebb or you know, you’re worried about something or anxious about something. Then you’ll get voices because they’re praying on your weaknesses.
 
That doesn’t seem fair does it?
 
No. But that’s, but once I got rid of my fear, I don’t have that problem now. So fe… eradicating fear, was a huge, another huge turning point. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely.
 
And did you receive any other helpful messages?
 
That, that was the most significant one, I think in, in terms of recovery. Yes. It seems to have been.
 
Sounds like you’ve done wonders, yes.
 
Yes, …ooh what else? Oh and delusions, like I say delusions. I think they’re they stem from a lack of knowledge. So not knowing what is causing voices. Because I used to have delusions in the early days. You know, your voices are playing tricks and games and trying to get you to believe all kinds of funny things. Yes. So, but everybody, you know, experiences reality differently don’t they. So, I think delusions are just an extreme form of that aren’t they? And beliefs are the same. Because like I’ve changed my beliefs so much over the years you know, I, they’re changing all the time when I learn new information and which is quite good because you get some people who, you know, they’ll just they’ve been taught something when they’re little and they believe it for the rest of their life. That’s sort of the church indoctrinate you and the world’s flat and [laughs]. So I just, so my, I don’t know, I think that’s a bonus, that I’m quite malleable, my beliefs. You know, I think it’s quite a bonus out of the whole thing, and, and after, after going through that journey I just think I’m quite grateful of having had this experience. I don’t look on it as a negative thing any more. I mean for years and years I thought, I used to think, oh why can’t I have a physical illness? Why does it have to be a mental health problem? But now I actually think gosh I’m lucky, because I’ve got such an understanding of the goings on in the mind.
 
I’m really pleased to hear that, yes.
As part of recovery, many people talked about reclaiming aspects of their life such as their former self, a job, income, friends, and being able to take up hobbies again. However, others said that psychosis had changed them, and their lives, for good. Sometimes people felt they had gained rich insights about themselves and life through their experiences. Sometimes people spoke about never feeling, or expecting to be, fully ‘well’. Rachel said that she had normally been able to recover quickly from psychotic episodes, but now she only feels 85% since the last time she was unwell. She has decided to go on a recovery course, as well as go and see her psychologist.

Tom thinks recovery is not linear, and that it is whatever you are when you're not badly ill.

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Tom thinks recovery is not linear, and that it is whatever you are when you're not badly ill.

Age at interview: 39
Sex: Male
Age at diagnosis: 21
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It’s just the, you know, if there’s black and white and then say, recovery is white and being ill is black. So it’s a ying and yang, it’s rather than rather a linear thing, more of a ying and a yang, you know, recovery is what you are when you’re not you’re not when you’re not very, you know, when you’re not floridly or badly ill. It’s just you’re still ill, you know, at whatever level of illness it is but you’re not you’re not in a crisis state. You know, you’re in a more manageable state and recovery is also possible with people with schizophrenia. It might take years. You know, I think half of the people who are diagnosed with schizophrenia, it burns itself out. After a certain amount of time and, unfortunately, for some people it deteriorates and gets worse. And for some people it just stays the same. I think it’s about a third of people that it stays the same, a third of people it gets worse. And third of people it just burns itself out. Roughly. So that that that’s also that’s also that’s also recovery I think, yeah.
 
So in those types of models, where would you position yourself?
 
I think just I well, it’s been twenty years now roughly so I don’t hold out much hope for it completely, to for complete recovery, you know, to for it to leave me. I don’t hold out much hope for that but I hold out hope that it won’t get any worse and that I’ll just have the odd episode every now and then. And it’s usually once or twice a year I’m sort of severely ill for a few days and then it gets back to more manageable levels. 
 

Lorenz thinks he will never be 'cured' but that his illness can be controlled.

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Lorenz thinks he will never be 'cured' but that his illness can be controlled.

Age at interview: 50
Sex: Male
Age at diagnosis: 20
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Well it’s like, it’s an illness that’s, I’ve been told it’s an illness, well I know it’s an illness, but I can’t see any cure but it can be controlled, it’s the controlling of it which is the important thing I think. You never get rid of it, it’s like you have a scar there even if it’s, you sort of control it, you always have some sort of, how should I say something that’s, if you take away the medication or take way certain things it’s going to come back, you know, so, that’s something you have to live with.
 
How do you have to live with that though, I mean does that, is that something that you feel comfortable with, the idea of…?
 
Well now I have, when I first had the breakdown I’ve often say it can’t be schizophrenia, it can’t be, it’s just that I was tired and stressed and so on. But I have it up to four times now and the second time I realised it’s something I need to have some sort of medication to control it because it’s the weirdness of you’re not being yourself. I mean people say about when normality, it varies in other people, you don’t know what your actual norm is, but if you recognise your norm and you find yourself out of this sort of what you think is your norm, then you want some sort of help. Now I feel that this was given to me by going to, having medication which the doctor gave me, , as I said before it wasn’t right, didn’t control everything but it did take away the psychosis and for many years I haven’t had the hearing or seeing things. But I have got what you may think are unusual thoughts, the thoughts processes still could be tangled up but…
 
In what way?
 
I have logic, I still keep my logic but your thought processes to, roll into one. It’s like you’re thinking something and then something will roll over into your other thoughts and then you sort of get muddled. That happens for some time as well and I was working so I wasn’t all that well so I have a miller turner type work. one time I can remember at the mill, in, I had to come away from it, I was on, not this medication other medication and my thoughts just seemed like it’s rolling, the thoughts seemed to be rolling in my head. And it was as if you lost concentration basically and you’re sure you think something and then something else comes into your mind and it’s, it’s nothing about hearing things mind you this is different, it annoys yourself because you’re trying to think something and it’s not coming through and something else rolls over on it. So that’s a weird feeling. All that is controlled now.
 
A number of participants were less hopeful about the idea of recovery. Gary said that he had been told there was no such thing as recovery, Stuart said that it was ‘acceptance’ that had helped him, and not recovery. Rachel felt that recovery was being ‘able to function’ and ‘hold down a job’ along with having a home life and a family. However, she didn’t feel ‘very near’ to these goals as she felt ‘fairly paranoid’. Arwen said that living with schizophrenia was a ‘huge part of her life’ that she had to deal with through taking tablets, and that she would probably have it until she died.

Gary feels that there is no such thing as recovery, and that his psychiatrist has told him he will never recover but only be able to manage his situation better.

Gary feels that there is no such thing as recovery, and that his psychiatrist has told him he will never recover but only be able to manage his situation better.

Age at interview: 37
Sex: Male
Age at diagnosis: 23
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What does recovery mean to you?
 
There’s no such thing. There’s no such thing. People, doctors, GP’s, nurses, whatever all try and say like you can recover from this. My psychiatrist, and this is why I respect him so much he says, you’re not going to recover. You’re going to have to spend your life… but what I can do is help you manage it better. So recovery for some people just doesn’t happen. It just doesn’t. So for some people who say oh can it can go through depression or… but may be like more mild to moderate illness. Okay, they are going to recover. But for somebody like me, no. I’m never going to recover. I’m going to be like this for life. And to be quite honest with you, even just now, I want to kill myself. I don’t want it … I just want to frigging die. And that’s the God’s honest truth. So hey ho, another day in Paradise.
 
When you’ve been working with your psychiatrist to manage it better, what does managing it better mean?
 
When I’m good making the most of the best times. When I’m bad, not taking overdoses basically. 
 
Thinking about recovery in mental health services
Some of the people we interviewed had worked within mental health services, or had been part of advocacy groups. They had developed their understandings about what recovery means through working with clients and organisations. As with other people, there was also a wide range of views about recovery here'

Graham thinks that recovery is an unfortunate word as it causes offence to people who don't believe they will ever recover.

Graham thinks that recovery is an unfortunate word as it causes offence to people who don't believe they will ever recover.

Age at interview: 47
Sex: Male
Age at diagnosis: 22
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I think, recovery is a very unfortunate word. I wish they’d chosen a different word because it causes such offence to people who don’t believe they will ever, if you like, get better again and there’s a misinterpretation about what recovery means. I think what is inspiring is saying that we all have our own journey to make and our own interpretation to make about what illness is. I think that’s really, really good. That’s liberating and allows us, especially with unconventional thoughts to feel secure in our thoughts and have then seen as valid and to look at our strengths and what we can bring to the world instead of looking always at the failure and the impairment is really good. Where I think it goes wrong is that it sometimes substitutes itself as being the voice for all users. Which I think is wrong. I don’t think it is and sometimes I think it becomes almost, almost a religion. If you don’t belief in recovery then you’re just misguided. You can’t have a valid disagreement with recovery. Everyone in mental health has to believe in recovery. But in many ways it’s a very diffuse subject. When you start talking about the recovery model of the design of a building you’re being really stupid because it just means what improves mental health and just saying recovery model is just rubbish. And there are too many people have a value base around recovery that says the only way to recovery is certain models like getting into employment or believing in this or being free of medication or whatever, which is a judgmental, patronising way of saying people should speak. There are people who have hardened themselves. What I think is wonderful about people with mental health problems speaking out is that we have a vast range of opinions and all of them are valid. From those people who believe medication and ECT is a life saving vital treatment to those people who believing sectioning is the greatest infringement of human rights, and there’s a vitality and breadth of wonderfulness is every one expressing those things which is great. And sometimes people who are caught in recovery think that there’s one way of thinking and if you don’t think that way, then you’re misguided, you haven’t educated yourself enough and if you just listen to the disciples of recovery you would have a guided sensible view. And that I find is really offensive. What I think is wonderful is giving that belief into people having a sense of their own journey and a sense of their own strength and a sense of their own worth. That’s, that’s where it should settle. Rather than thinking it’s concerned with everything else. And I think, you know, when services start talking about recovery focus that’s fine. But often it’s just a bit of a gloss. And everyone says, recovery, they say recovery without even thinking what it means sometimes. I found that quite offensive, because it’s just taken over. It’s become, I hate the word political correctness because it’s such a stupid thing, but it’s become a dogma and that’s really, really annoying because it’s a wonderful, wonderful liberating concept which is in danger of distorting voices and not voices to be heard, just in case they don’t agree with the concept.

Ron speaks about the passion he and his wife share for recovery and the work they do one-to-one with people.

Ron speaks about the passion he and his wife share for recovery and the work they do one-to-one with people.

Age at interview: 51
Sex: Male
Age at diagnosis: 23
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I guess we, we share a vision and a dream of being redundant in Mental Health and that’s, that’s our vision. we share a passion for recovery, we both work with people one-to-one and we enjoy that that’s probably the, the thing gives me the most satisfaction. I enjoy people recovering, and I get a buzz out of seeing people reclaim their life and, suss it out and work out that they can do something and then doing it. I’m always amazed at the process of that, that, that there seems to be this bit, you’re, you’re running ahead and you’re getting on great and then it’s almost like you need to go back to the system to check it out again and that actually that now is just part of the journey, and so when it happens I don’t worry about it I just say [dismissive noise], “Well they’ll get through it.” And I’ve saw many people do that and I did it myself so, I guess I, I think since ninety-three I, I’m seventeen years now without medication and I guess that twice in, in the last twelve years I’ve went to my GP feeling really down and twice my GP’s given me a packet of anti-depressants and twice I’ve went back and looked at them and put them in the medicine cupboard and never ever opened them, , [pause 3 seconds] because I think I’ve realised that those times when I, I did go on them, I was down, it was just a normal response to living it wasn’t illness, it was, it was just a normal response to what was going on in my life at the time. Yeah.
 
And would that be a similar attitude towards your voices or is it different?
 
Nah it’s the same with voices they’re just there they’re part of who I am and that, that, that, I guess that’s the thing I’ve discovered, I’ve discovered who I am and I’m comfortable with who I am now. Although I still have my moments, you know, like everybody where I go through and I, struggle with how I’m feeling about things and, you know, but that’s not illness that’s living.

Pete doesn't like models of how people should recover.

Pete doesn't like models of how people should recover.

Age at interview: 48
Sex: Male
Age at diagnosis: 30
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To be honest, honest with you Laura I don’t get involved in that much in recovery because I think its wrong why are we telling people how to recover? That’s, and it, it’s a bone of contention with me, it’s fantastic that people are recovering but, as a society, we don’t learn from history and if you don’t learn from history you will never progress. And what my argument is man has recovered from all sorts of things since he walked this planet, how? Because man has got a capacity to recover what he needs is love and compassion and guidance, we don’t need tools for recovery, we don’t need models for recovery, if somebody had a model for recovery, oh my God what a waste of time, or you don’t fit this model so it’s your fault you’re not recovering, you’re drug resistant, you’re non-compliant, you’re not trying because this model works we’ve done it on forty people, come on, how many people go to the Mental Health Services and I think the problem is, because man has always recovered, by it’s own capacity to recover, we’re turning recovery into a science it has been hijacked by the services, this is why we’ve got to do it, this is measured outcomes, crap absolute waste of time, but it’s good that people are focussing on recovery, that’s the positive thing, but to me I have a framework and this is what I work with clients in Denmark with and the, a framework is something that has to be , adaptable, can bend and bow to suit everyone’s needs. Now if you want to work on something so that people can see the recovery scrap your models it’s a square peg round hole, I think. But what I use is I was a tree, but the tree’s symbolic, now the roots are safe housing, if someone is not safe you will not recover, it is an impossibility seventy percent of the homeless are mentally ill and we have to look at why that is, because we have dumping grounds for the mentally ill, we discharge them from acute services, maybe blunted in expression, acting bizarre, like a bit unkempt and we’ve put them on crap housing estates and people think it’s funny to take the piss, they call them names, they throw things at them, they draw on, draw on the windows, put dog shite through the letterbox, I know because I was that person I don’t care how good a therapist is, you can work with a person, you send them back to that environment you’re wasting your time, it’s the government issue that has got to be addressed, it’s an international crisis what is happening with the mentally ill. So we have to start with safe housing, and then, especially around paranoia and hearing voices, I know recovery’s a big thing it encompasses a lot of things but I’m just focussing on those two. I see the trunk as being the trunk support, now what will I will say to someone is let’s look at who you can use outside the statutory and voluntary sector’ because you can’t possibly rely on them for the rest of your life. So ask them to try and identify two or three people they will identify in a crisis. Then you record them on the trunk, and the branches are about achievable goals, now let’s say someone’s been socially isolated through voices and paranoia for a period of three months, and then you get them to go to the corner shop or into the garden that is their recovery. But I get on the, on the leaf I put the time and the date. And then when you perhaps progress more on, further in their recovery because you can’t define someone’s recovery we put the time and the date, then after a period of twelve months or six months if a person says, “My life’s not improving.” “Yes it is this is where you were, now look at where you are.” Well, after that session, each session you have to refers to hold the back, and I, “Do you still feel safe? Has anybody moved in? Have you been victimised?” You’ve got to keep checking all the time but it’s good for the worker as well to see. Who sort of say this is how you’ve got to recover after.” We’re play a dangerous game, we’re setting people up to fail basically, you know, people, I know there’s people out there they’ll say you can’t be recovered unless you come off your drugs I don’t agree with that, I’m not anti-medication, I think it’s a working tool it won’t cure but if someone goes from twenty milligrams of Olanzapine to five, and they’re happy to stay on that, and live their life on that, why should we define, why should we define that that’s their recovery? It’s the, it should be their definition and what recovery is not telling people.


Last reviewed July 2017.
Last updated April 2014.
Last reviewed April 2014.
Last updated April 2014.

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