Breast Cancer in men
Other people's reactions to breast cancer in men
Most of the men who were interviewed had chosen to be very open about having breast cancer. Their reasons for wanting people to know, or not minding if they found out, were quite varied. Many of them wanted to tell everyone and felt that they should ‘spread the word’ that men could get breast cancer because so few people, often themselves included, had known about breast cancer in men before their diagnosis.
David told 'every Tom, Dick and Harry' about his breast cancer so that they would know that men could get breast cancer.
David told 'every Tom, Dick and Harry' about his breast cancer so that they would know that men could get breast cancer.
So once you told your family about… and you’d had the day here with the four of you, who else did you tell after that?
Bernard was willing to talk to anyone who wanted to talk to him about his breast cancer. He found that the news spread quickly in his local neighbourhood.
Bernard was willing to talk to anyone who wanted to talk to him about his breast cancer. He found that the news spread quickly in his local neighbourhood.
And what about telling other people, outwith the family? Do you tell people?
Michael found that his illness soon became public knowledge, and he found that people were very supportive, especially in his local church.
Michael found that his illness soon became public knowledge, and he found that people were very supportive, especially in his local church.
Were you able to talk to other friends or (overtalk) breast cancer?
Bob thought it would be better for him if not too many people knew, and a lot of his friends didn't know. He thought the illness carried some stigma.
Bob thought it would be better for him if not too many people knew, and a lot of his friends didn't know. He thought the illness carried some stigma.
So who was it that you told about the breast cancer?
Mohammad only felt happy about telling his family and a few close friends. He felt it would cause him more stress if people outside the family knew.
Mohammad only felt happy about telling his family and a few close friends. He felt it would cause him more stress if people outside the family knew.
And did you tell anybody outside the family?
David said that, even five years on from his diagnosis, he still finds that many people don't know that men can get breast cancer.
David said that, even five years on from his diagnosis, he still finds that many people don't know that men can get breast cancer.
It’s never, ever… it were never, ever mentioned that men could get breast cancer. I know it’s a few years down the line, but no, it were just a general shock. Oh, didn’t know men could get it, you know? It’s still happening today. I didn’t know men could get it. I remember being on a course with Breast Cancer Care in Sheffield and we were staying at a hotel and having a drink at the bar and the guy went “oh, you know, are you part of the delegation?” and I said “no, I’m a patient”. “What? You have…?” “Yeah”. “I didn’t know men could get it”. So we spent an evening with him, telling him that men could get it, you know? Really, really strange. And they say we’re now five years down the line and people are still going “men don’t get breast cancer, I’ve never known that.” So it’s still shocking.
Robert didn't want to make a big deal of his illness. He found that people were surprised when he said he had breast cancer and they didn't seem to know what to say.
Robert didn't want to make a big deal of his illness. He found that people were surprised when he said he had breast cancer and they didn't seem to know what to say.
So how did you tell your wider family and friends?
John had mixed feelings about telling people. Sometimes he thought people were embarrassed and felt sorry and uncomfortable. Sometimes he wished he hadn't said anything.
John had mixed feelings about telling people. Sometimes he thought people were embarrassed and felt sorry and uncomfortable. Sometimes he wished he hadn't said anything.
But I have… mixed feelings telling other people actually.
Sometimes people took some convincing that they actually did have breast cancer initially, but then were very supportive.
Steve had known men could get breast cancer but he found 95% of people initially disbelieved him. He had to show a friend his scar to convince him, but after that he was supportive.
Steve had known men could get breast cancer but he found 95% of people initially disbelieved him. He had to show a friend his scar to convince him, but after that he was supportive.
And is that both men and women that you’re working alongside?
Tom had very supportive reactions from everyone. People were sympathetic and concerned about how he was.
Tom had very supportive reactions from everyone. People were sympathetic and concerned about how he was.
And did you choose to share your diagnosis with people at work from quite an early stage?
Many of the other men had also received supportive reactions from friends, colleagues and neighbours.
When Eric tried to raise awareness that men could get breast cancer, men didn't seem to want to know. Their lack of interest made him feel very alone. Women showed more interest.
When Eric tried to raise awareness that men could get breast cancer, men didn't seem to want to know. Their lack of interest made him feel very alone. Women showed more interest.
When you were… first got your diagnosis, who did you tell?
David chose not to tell a few men who might have a 'nasty' reaction. He was pleased when women showed an interest in his experience. They might then talk about similar experiences.
David chose not to tell a few men who might have a 'nasty' reaction. He was pleased when women showed an interest in his experience. They might then talk about similar experiences.
No – I have found that males just say, “oh yes,” and change the conversation. They’re either not interested or they don’t want to know. I think they’re not interested. Females are entirely different – as soon as they hear about it, they’re almost invariably horrified and interested as well too, and supportive.
Is that men and women like that?
No, no – just men, I would imagine.
And why do you think they’re like that?
Because they’re unpleasant people and they’re always trying to be nasty, and that’s one good way of being nasty. But I haven’t had anybody being nasty to me so far.
Ok – so there are some people, then, that you’ve chosen not to tell?
Em… Yes. I would say yes, uh huh.
Right. Are these men that make jokes, I mean, you’re saying they’re just very unpleasant people, but do you think they’d want to make jokes because you’re a man? You know, they would try and pull you down, take your self esteem away?
Mm hmm.
Right.
So we just don’t bother about them at all.
A few men even described how they had had, or feared they might get, openly hostile reactions from other men. By contrast, these men had found that women were often keen to hear more about their illness and wanted to find out how they were feeling.
Tom told people about his illness to let men know they could get it. Women asked questions. Men were disbelieving and embarrassed. He advised a man who had a lump to go to the GP.
Tom told people about his illness to let men know they could get it. Women asked questions. Men were disbelieving and embarrassed. He advised a man who had a lump to go to the GP.
Do you tell people you’ve had breast cancer?
Do you tell them what they should be looking out for? Do you…?
I always tell them, “look for lumps”.
Uhuh.
I said “it could be a cyst, it could be gristle, go and check. Just go to your doctor’s and check”. It happened once in the pub with me with a chap about two months ago, and he come over and he said “I don’t want to embarrass you but”, he said, “you had breast cancer.” I said “yeah, yeah.” He said “well, I’ve got a lump here” so I felt the lump… but it weren’t hard. And I said… “are you booked in for owt [anything]” and when he went to the doctor’s and checked it, it was gristle.
Right.
But he did go to the doctor’s.
After you…
And he asked me questions like, you know, is it… “What’s the operation like if I’ve got it, and all this and that”. I’ve told him, “Go to your doctor’s, get it seen to”.
Roy had a few 'snidey' comments from other men. He challenged one man's ignorance of breast cancer in men, pointing out that he was no less a man whether he had testicular cancer or breast cancer.
Roy had a few 'snidey' comments from other men. He challenged one man's ignorance of breast cancer in men, pointing out that he was no less a man whether he had testicular cancer or breast cancer.
I said, “Well, how else can you explain it,” you know? Yeah, I’ve got cancer, you know? They diagnosed I’ve got breast cancer. That was the biggest shock was the breast cancer.
Last reviewed June 2017.
Last updated October 2013.
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