Burn Injuries

I think that was the biggest challenge was when we were in that age where I couldn’t really escape the sense of-, I had to get changed in front of other people and they would look because they didn’t really understand.

I guess I want to use the word ‘normal’ or definitely distorted, you get a view that it’s this horrible texture, and I guess that, you know, you then think to yourself, that’s when you start thinking “Well, how will other people view me?” or “Am I really going to fit in?” or that I’m just going to stand out, you know, walking along the street. And I guess I still feel that to a level.

I think that it would just meant that I’d have been a little bit more, or a little bit less relaxed. I would have had to have put some energy into countering, into trying to come across as more, relaxed and more positive and yeah, I think, as I mentioned earlier, that was how I coped, by trying to stay relaxed and positive and trying to put that across. I think it took a bit of effort to do that. So, if I was wearing the sunglasses maybe I didn’t need to put quite so much effort into doing that.

So I think that’s maybe a lesson that I learnt, or something that I learnt and maybe I used it with this as well in terms of “Right, ok, again, I’ve got something on my face that I don’t want to be there, let’s up the confidence level that I’m sort of…” portraying is the wrong word but, you know what I’m saying, sort of putting across.

Yeah for some reason it always stuck in my mind that that’s what I did at that time, so, yeah, it’s obviously, the fact that I still remember it now, it’s always been in my mind and, like you say, chucked in that mental toolkit of “Ok, if there’s something about my appearance that I don’t like just up the confidence level and that should counter it”.

Self-acceptance is key because it’s not changing and I think the more you resent it, the least you’ll be able to accept yourself in life and who you are. Whereas, if you can accept it as a part of you, then I just think that you can move forward more in life.

I guess it’s not just self-acceptance, it’s having a bit of resilience to realise how far you’ve already come to have that scar. So, to have the scar you’ve already been through the hospital treatment and the pain, and you’ve overcome that, and you’ve physically recovered, so really the acceptance is accepting that this is where you are now and doing that will enable you to move forward as well. So, I guess, self-acceptance, yeah, is a really key thing here.

But the funny thing is about scars is when you have them for such a long time you kind of get used to the way they look and how they are in your body and then, when it changes, you’re like “Oh, ok, that’s different!”. And then, it’s really weird because it’s only scar compared to like, the rest of the scars combined on your body and it’s such a small thing but I was like “Oh, it’s a big scar, oh my God!” I was like “I miss the last one, it was just a straight line!”. But yeah, I guess it’s like a weird psychological thing where you just get attached to your scar. Yeah, I don’t even notice this one anymore.

I sort of just tell myself to ignore it. So, if for instance, I’m in the mirror and I’m getting ready and you can see a little bit of my burn on my shoulder or something like that, I just sort of tell myself “There’s nothing I can do about that, so just ignore it, pretend it’s not there.” And then, if I do that, I tend to actually just forget it’s there. And, as long as I’m not looking in a mirror it’s not there to me. So, it’s just sort of, yeah, it’s just about that and then I deal with other body image issues as well. So, it’s almost like it’s definitely the least important of all the problems that I have but it is still, it just sort of adds it on. So, if I’m having a really bad day and I’m upset about that one and that one and then that’s as well and it just, sometimes it just does get a bit much, but that’s very rarely does that happen and it’s usually when I’m in a bad mood or, you know, I’ve had a bad day or something like that. But it’s never long term, you know, and it doesn’t always come back, it’s just if I’m looking at it really, but yeah, yeah. But then, I sort of remember then, like I say, then I’ll chat to my boyfriend and then he’ll make me feel happy again, so you know, and it’s fine and then actually I tell myself “Actually, why am I getting silly about this? This is, it’s really not, it’s great, it’s just part of me.” It’s almost like I just tell myself “There’s nothing I can do about it, it’s here to stay.”

I think we’re sold this idea that we need to love our bodies, like we should love everything and, to be honest, I do really love my body, but I think, I’m not going to, like, force everyone to get to that point. Just accepting it can be enough and I think time helps with that. And, you know, you might not feel like that right now, you might not feel like you’re at that point, but I promise you that point is there, it is on the horizon, it just takes time and a bit of self-kindness as well.

I feel like I’m able to be on the body positive end at this point, but I spent a lot of years just being body neutral and, to be honest, I was very happy. It didn’t hold me back from what I was wearing and what I wanted to do. I know that, you know, as I said, I actually think it’s a privilege that I had my scarring very young. I don’t really know how I look without my scars, so I think it’s been easier for me to reach that point of body positivity but, you know, don’t put yourself through the ringer because you don’t absolutely love yourself. Like, most people don’t love themselves and love the way they look. Body neutrality is enough, I just don’t want people to see their scars as like this enemy that they hate, you know. It’s just a part of you, it’s like anything else. It’s just your skin, it’s skin deep so, there’s so much more to you than that.

It’s not something that happens overnight, like accepting how you feel and the way you look, and especially when you’ve got media and celebrities looking a type of way and everyone thinking that’s the norm and that’s how you should look and anything different isn’t right and it’s just weird or you’re ugly or evil according to these horror movies where you only see burned people. Yeah, it’s definitely a journey. I think now, in the space that I am, I think I look fricking amazing!

I go out with no make-up on whatsoever and I literally do not care what people say, but I’m just in love with the way my skin looks, like the different colours, the different tones, the textures, the shapes. I’ve got the rarest diamonds in the world on my shoulder and other bits of skin graft that creates different textures and like, just skin in general, it is just so amazing what it can do and how it looks like and how it changes like different weathers. In the sun you go a bit more gold, and you go a little bit pale in the winter but depending on preference you might love a bit of sun or more.

I don’t know, I’ve just learnt, I guess, where I’ve learnt to be loved and fall in love, I’ve kind of learnt to love myself and I guess I’ve always appreciated the way I look because I always took care of my teeth and my skin and my eyelashes, but it’s literally just taking a step back and just really appreciating yourself by looking at a photo, like whether you’re in your favourite outfit or if there’s certain colours or if your make-up looks amazing or if you’ve got no make-up, just appreciating like the features that you have. Yeah, maybe I don’t look like the supermodels on the runway but one day someone that looks like me will be rocking their stuff on that runway, if it’s me, or of its someone else.

The most important thing to never let that become who you are. I was always just the guy who rode bikes, it's not the guy who blew himself up, you know?

I take control of it. It's really not, I’m not letting it define me. That's the important thing.  I’ve put such an importance with not letting it define who I am, so that definitely helps to just keep it at bay.

And that's why I always say that I always bring it back to the bike because that's how I want people, to look at a bike, “Oh, Frazer likes bikes!” on people so, you know, somebody might burn themselves on a pan and think “Oh, Frazer has a burn”. You know, I don't want to be remembered. I want to be remembered as the guy that like bikes. That's sort of I think I play such an important identity and, you know, and that's it, yeah. Making sure people remind me but think of me as the guy who likes bikes.

Yeah, I just think it’s only a small part of her story, or her journey, not even, you know, the story has an ending – this doesn’t have an ending yet. So, yeah, it’s a very small part of who she is. It’s a massive thing that’s happened to her, but actually on the grand scheme of it she’s like that, she’s Elizabeth, she’s eight, she’s a sister, a friend, a daughter and she wants to be a Formula 1 driver, she wants to roller-skate around the world, you know, there’s a million other things that are, you know, far more interesting than she had a big burn injury.

Sometimes I do like, I find it, when I say, ‘burn survivor’, it’s too much of a big word to say about myself, because  I’m really not that burned, like compared to, I mean, yeah, of course I was going to survive, like it was 20% of my body, wasn’t like 60/90. But you did still survive, you know, in a literal term, you did survive a burn, like, doesn’t mean that you’re still alive, you survived it even emotionally, psychologically.

I think everyone’s going to have a different experience and that’s completely understandable. I think for me, because my burn injury happened when I was so young, it doesn’t feel as much, it doesn’t have as much magnitude I think as it might for someone who has it when they’re older. So, for me, it’s like me having burns is almost like aside from, ok, all the surgery, hospital treatment I had to have, me having burns is like me having brown hair, or like me having, you know … being white, or whatever it might be. It’s an important part of me but it’s, me having burns is a little bit like, I don’t know, yeah, it’s a small part, me having burns is like a small part of me. It’s an important part of me but it’s not everything and I always want people to view me for my achievements, who I am, my values, above my scarring. To me, it’s kind of like an afterthought, it’s just a physical trait. Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff I’ve had to deal with, with it but when I think of myself or ask me to tell them about me, I would probably talk about that I want to go into law, or the fact that, you know, I love music or I love to spend time with my friends, over the fact that I’m a burns survivor. It’s kind of like the last thing I think about. But I think that is a privilege to be able to do that because I don’t have surgery anymore and I was very young when it happened. Not everyone, you know, is able to do that because they’re still have surgery and their burn injury is very, very present in their life. So, this might just be a random prediction, but it may be that people who put their burn injuries lower on the list, maybe ones who had it younger or they’ve lived with their burn injury longer.

But personally, I kind of want, so I guess separating myself a certain amount from my burn injury and live my life outside of that and not let it become everything I sort of do. And I’m always going to be passionate about the issues that face it and get involved with stuff as much as I can, but I want to feel like I have a world and life outside of it, I think, and that’s probably why I keep it more private, if that makes sense.