India

Age at interview: 21

Brief Outline:

India was 3 years old when she sustained 40% burns to her body after her dress caught fire. India had several operations which she says were disruptive to her education. India doesn’t want any further surgeries and is trying her best to ‘move on’.

Background:

India is 21 years old. She is studying law at university. She lives with her friends. Her ethnicity is White British.

More about me...

India was 3 years old when she sustained 40% burns to her body after her dress caught fire from a nearby gas fire. She recalls that her parents immediately ran into the room and “rolled her on the floor to squash the flames”. An ambulance was called and India was taken to hospital.

India spent three months in hospital in total, with two months being spent in intensive care. India also had issues with her breathing, caused by scarring to her throat after being intubated. India says the scarring on her throat can still cause problems and because of this she is more susceptible to winter colds and flu.

During the 3 months India was in hospital she received several skin grafts. She said she continued to receive skin grafts as she grew up because “scars don’t grow”. India likened this to “putting on a t-shirt when you were 3 years old, it just gets tighter and tighter”.

India found it difficult adjusting to life with a burn after she was discharged from hospital. She described herself as an “outgoing child” and “very friendly”, but often other children would not want to play with her. India remembers people staring at her and this made her feel self-conscious. Around this time, India began to realise that she didn’t look like everyone else and she could no longer “blend in”.

To help cope with feeling “different” and “very alone”, India attended workshops run by a charity called Changing Faces who work with people with visible differences. She said she met people who, like her, looked different, and this really helped her. India recalled learning skills to help deal with unwanted jokes or questions about her appearance, and she found this very useful.

The most difficult part of living with a burn injury, India believes, is the psychological impact. India says that although the psychological effects of having a burn do get easier over time, it is still something that she has to deal with every day. She describes this as being “a constant battle every day”.

India’s advice to other people who have sustained a burn injury, is to remember that “your scars are only one part of you”. She believes that how somebody looks is the smallest element of who they are, and that their scars won’t hold them back from living their life. India thinks that in the long run, having a burn injury will make you into a stronger person.

India was wearing a party dress which caught fire from a nearby gas fire.

So, I was wearing a party dress and, I was upstairs, and my dress caught fire, and then, luckily my parents came in and found me and called an ambulance and, yeah, that’s basically how the accident happened.

What did it catch fire from?

It was an open fire, just like a gas fire. My parents didn’t know that I was upstairs, obviously, otherwise they wouldn’t have had it on.

So, I know that my dress caught fire, my parents ran in almost straightaway, and my dad jumped on me and rolled me on the floor to squash the flames, so he acted really well, and then they called the ambulance, which came. 

India has had multiple skin grafts as she has got older.

Initially I think they used animal skin or something as a temporary cover for some of it and then, over time they just did a bunch of full thickness grafts. So, they took skin from my back, the bottoms of my legs. They had to shave my head and take the skin from my head in order to slowly graft over all the injured area, and that was kind of like the initial surgery. But then there was a lot of years of coming back and having to get stuff redone or regrafted, especially because, I’m sure you’ll hear from other people, but scars don’t grow, so when you have them when you’re really young you’re wearing a, it’s like putting on a t-shirt that you got when you were three years old, it just gets tighter and tighter. So, I had to have more surgeries as I grew up.

India found going home to be a big relief.

I think it was a big relief when I first came home. So, I have two older brothers, so my family had been having to juggle with having those two and having me. I was in a hospital that was a little bit further away from my house than, I guess, ideal because I was too small to go to the closest hospital. And so, it was amazing when I got to come back and see my brothers, my family. And then I had to sort of go back into school, which was… I was very lucky that my school was lovely, and they were really understanding.

India has some mobility issues where her scarring is quite tight.

I think I’ve got some minor ability issues. So, my left arm doesn’t really completely straighten because the scars are very tight round there. My neck’s quite tight, so like, raising my head up really high can be a bit of a stretch.

But scars don’t grow, so when you have them when you’re really young you’re wearing a-, it’s like putting on a t-shirt that you got when you were three years old, it just gets tighter and tighter. So, I had to have more surgeries as I grew up.

So, I’ve got quite tight burns on my neck, and it’s supposed to be a very relatively non-invasive way to soften them up, because they burn tiny little holes into your skin, it fills up with collagen and then that helps it become more stretchy.

India thought people felt entitled to know why she had scars.

So, I feel like people think 'Oh because that person looks different and because I can see them, that means that I can then ask that person a question about their scars', but I think what people don’t understand is you are asking someone about a very intense trauma that they may or may not be comfortable talking about and, you know, people can ask me all day because I was three years old and it was an accident but, you know, it could have been from an intense fire where someone’s family member was injured or a car crash or anything of that nature. So, I think it is a shame that people do feel a little bit more entitled, and I hope that people will learn to maybe think twice before asking a question, even if you don’t have a bad intention and you genuinely are curious, maybe just think twice about what you could potentially be… what can of worms you could be opening by asking that question.

As India has grown older, she has learnt a lot more about how her burn injury affected her parents. She feels incredibly grateful for the support of her family.

I think my parents, I mean, I don’t know how much it changed the way they raised me, but I think there’s always kind of been a bit of a separation between the way they deal with, like, my burn injury and the way they deal with something else. So, like, if I was naughty my parents would tell me off but in respect to my burn injury, they’d always be really nice, so it's like, the way they treat that is different, like if it’s to do with my burn injury, you know, they’ll kind of do anything. It’s like “I won’t drive you to that party but if I need to drive you to hospital for your appointment, I’ll drive you.” So, I think there’s been a bit of a separation between the burn injury and everything, like the rest of raising me. So, I don’t think it’s impacted my relationship with them, but I think as I’ve gotten older, I think when I was younger my parents didn’t talk about it really at all, other than going to like going to hospital appointments and stuff, or talk about how it affected them. And now I’m older I think I’m learning a lot more about how it affected them, and it is quite like, heart-breaking because obviously, when I was younger I didn’t understand how much impact it had on them. So, I think as I’ve gotten older, like grown, I’ve always respected them for how much they’ve helped me, but I think as I’ve gotten older, it’s really grown in my respect of them dealing with that.

But I think, for them, it was really stressful because you worry about the worst for your child. Every parent wants the best for their child. So, I think they definitely worried a lot about me but, as a result, they’ve been insanely supportive and always very understanding and gone above and beyond. So, that’s been really helpful, and I actually think that parents of burn victims don’t really, or burns survivors don’t get enough credit because, really, they have to deal with so much. Like, watching your child go through that, I can’t even imagine what that’s like. And I just have so much respect for those people because ultimately, I think I’ve spoken to some people, and they’ve told me, you know “You’re so well-adjusted, I’ve met other people in your situation, you’re so well-adjusted” and I think actually your family can make such a massive difference to that or if you don’t have as good as a relationship with your family, any sort of support network you can find. But for me, having my parents definitely sort of helped me, and my brothers as well, definitely helped me, you know, live as best a life as I can. But I owe so much of that to them.

India said she has a “good support system” and her friends will always “have her back”.

So, I’ve always been someone who, as I said, I’ve been quite outgoing, and I’ve always been able to find quite a good group of friends around me and everywhere I’ve kind of gone I’ve always tried to make a little circle of people who I know kind of have my back and are there for me and supportive. And I think that having that has always meant that I’ve never really dealt with that much bullying or that kind of, you know, I’ve never really been horribly bullied or anything like that and I think that’s because I’ve been lucky enough to have a really good group of friends around me.

But, yeah, generally having a good friendship group and that support system is always good just, you know, for the minor things but also if something, if I have to have a surgery, like my friends have always been very good at making sure I’m ok and checking up on me and that kind of thing.

India initially found it difficult to date people as it uncovered some insecurities she had about her scars.

I think when I was younger, like no-one really showed me much interest. I think it might have been because of my scars maybe I just wasn’t the most attractive child or whatever, but when I left school it kind of, I started getting a lot more attention and that was really good, but it took a while to sort of understand like, for example, I remember once someone was staring at me and I thought they were just being really rude, like staring at my scars, and they came over and was like “Oh, can I have your number” and it was really weird.

And I think it took me a while to sort of realise that other people can see me as an attractive person with my scars because, for so long, I thought that that just wouldn’t be possible. So I think it actually took quite a long time to kind of see myself as someone that people could be romantically interested in. And I think with dating like, I thought it didn’t affect me at first, but I think as I kind of got into it, I started to realise there were some insecurities I hadn’t really dealt with or overcome. And it definitely was like a little bit of a realisation because I was kind of, you know like 19 and I was thinking 'Oh, I thought I was over all my insecurities to do with my scars but clearly, they’re still there, so I think I have to process a lot of those'.

But, you know, it’s something that overall, as I said, I’m quite an outgoing person, so it hasn’t massively affected me. I’ve got a lovely boyfriend now who I’ve been with for a year and he’s always been so supportive and understanding and, to be honest, like other people, you know, who I’ve dated or whatever, they’ve also been very understanding and I actually think a lot of the time a lot of my insecurities, as I said before, a lot of my insecurities are more like my view of myself rather than everyone else’s view of me and, actually, a lot of people have, you know, they’ve just kind of got it, like I look a bit different but they get over it, or whatever it might be and it doesn’t really matter in the long run.

And I feel like generally I just date like any other twenty-something does. But I think a lot of that was dealing with my own view of myself, like I had to get over my own conceptions about how other people view scarring in order to be able to just, like, date normally and freely.

India talked about her burn injury experiences at a job interview, which gave her a chance to highlight her volunteer work and characteristics like resilience.

I think what it is that, obviously, a lot of corporate law or any type of law is incredibly client-facing and they’re kind of assessing … you know, you’re just being a trainee, but you want to get to the point where you can work with clients and build those client relationships. And I think I had just heard stories about, again, people with visible differences struggling to get something that is client-facing because people worry about clients will feel less comfortable working with them. So, I think I was … you know, I didn’t think it would be something that would be so obvious and that it would ever be mentioned or brought up, but I thought, you know, you always wonder about those internal prejudices that might exist. But actually my interviews, it’s quite funny, my burn accident actually quite helped me in the process because I spoke a lot about the charity work I’ve done around the accident and the law firms really like stuff like resilience and, actually, I used it as a way to show my resilience and I actually think in a weird way it benefitted me, ironically because could speak about a lot … as again, the charity work I’ve done, the skills that helped me show and also fighting adversity and that kind of thing. So, it was kind of a positive ending because it was something that I was concerned about actually ended up helping me in the long run.

India believes that it is enough to feel neutral about your body.

I think we’re sold this idea that we need to love our bodies, like we should love everything and, to be honest, I do really love my body, but I think, I’m not going to, like, force everyone to get to that point. Just accepting it can be enough and I think time helps with that. And, you know, you might not feel like that right now, you might not feel like you’re at that point, but I promise you that point is there, it is on the horizon, it just takes time and a bit of self-kindness as well.

I feel like I’m able to be on the body positive end at this point, but I spent a lot of years just being body neutral and, to be honest, I was very happy. It didn’t hold me back from what I was wearing and what I wanted to do. I know that, you know, as I said, I actually think it’s a privilege that I had my scarring very young. I don’t really know how I look without my scars, so I think it’s been easier for me to reach that point of body positivity but, you know, don’t put yourself through the ringer because you don’t absolutely love yourself. Like, most people don’t love themselves and love the way they look. Body neutrality is enough, I just don’t want people to see their scars as like this enemy that they hate, you know. It’s just a part of you, it’s like anything else. It’s just your skin, it’s skin deep so, there’s so much more to you than that.

India said that her burn injury was a small but important part of her.

I think everyone’s going to have a different experience and that’s completely understandable. I think for me, because my burn injury happened when I was so young, it doesn’t feel as much, it doesn’t have as much magnitude I think as it might for someone who has it when they’re older. So, for me, it’s like me having burns is almost like aside from, ok, all the surgery, hospital treatment I had to have, me having burns is like me having brown hair, or like me having, you know … being white, or whatever it might be. It’s an important part of me but it’s, me having burns is a little bit like, I don’t know, yeah, it’s a small part, me having burns is like a small part of me. It’s an important part of me but it’s not everything and I always want people to view me for my achievements, who I am, my values, above my scarring. To me, it’s kind of like an afterthought, it’s just a physical trait. Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff I’ve had to deal with, with it but when I think of myself or ask me to tell them about me, I would probably talk about that I want to go into law, or the fact that, you know, I love music or I love to spend time with my friends, over the fact that I’m a burns survivor. It’s kind of like the last thing I think about. But I think that is a privilege to be able to do that because I don’t have surgery anymore and I was very young when it happened. Not everyone, you know, is able to do that because they’re still have surgery and their burn injury is very, very present in their life. So, this might just be a random prediction, but it may be that people who put their burn injuries lower on the list, maybe ones who had it younger or they’ve lived with their burn injury longer.

But personally, I kind of want, so I guess separating myself a certain amount from my burn injury and live my life outside of that and not let it become everything I sort of do. And I’m always going to be passionate about the issues that face it and get involved with stuff as much as I can, but I want to feel like I have a world and life outside of it, I think, and that’s probably why I keep it more private, if that makes sense.

India said that overall, her schooling experience was “positive”, but she wasn’t immune from name calling.

I think the big challenge from scarring at school was definitely schooling. I missed a certain amount for surgeries and that kind of thing. So, luckily my school were really amazing about it and helped me catch up with my work and that kind of thing, but that was challenging and, you know, you miss school for a few months when you’re younger and you, sorry, not a few months but even a month when you’re younger and you’re already very withdrawn out of the social group, so it was definitely more challenging in that way. Senior school was definitely a big change. I think a lot of people found senior school difficult in its own ways.

As I said, I’ve always had a good support network of friends to I’ve never felt alone. I’ve never really been outwardly bullied but I have had people say rude stuff behind my back, which was never pleasant to hear about. And I think, as I said, I’ve had a very positive school experience overall in terms of, like, the friends I made but I’ve not been immune to people saying horrible things about me and, yeah, and I know some people who’ve had very difficult experiences at school with scarring. So, I think it very much depends on luck and, you know, I was very lucky to go to private school as well, and I want to put that out there because I’m aware that not everyone is privileged enough to go somewhere where they can do everything they can to make sure you’re ok. I can imagine, maybe at a state school – because I know friends who’ve gone to state schools and have had scarring and it’s been a very different experience – so, I don’t want to put a false narrative out there. But yeah, the most difficult thing at school was definitely some of the nasty comments and then, also, missing schooling and catching up was a bit of a challenge as well.

India talks about some of the resources she found helpful growing up, including an autobiography.

Yeah, I … to be honest, I don’t really look for it. I found, when I was younger, I did a lot with the Children’s Burns Trust. They do a lot of preventative … things about preventing burns but also they provide some resources on their websites and that was good when I was younger. Changing Faces is amazing for anything to do with the more psychological aspects of just visible difference in general. …I remember reading Katie Piper’s book, that was amazing for me when I was younger. I would say it has some adult themes so, obviously, parents, if you’re going to … maybe just look over what it’s about … maybe be a certain age before you read it. I was about 16. Because it does have some … some quite extreme themes. But that was amazing as well, like looking how she dealt with it.

I think… it was, yeah, it was just watching her deal with things to do with her appearance, you know, becoming … looking different. I just never read anyone speak about that kind of thing before. You know, I mean, I can’t relate to everything in that book, she dealt with things around abuse and that kind of thing, which I couldn’t personally relate to but definitely just seeing her and the way she dealt with the scars. Also, just the fact that she is such a public figure nowadays and, like, seeing a burn victim on my screens and doing stuff with Pantene and like being seen as, I guess, beautiful. Like that … felt really amazing to me because I’ve never really seen a burn victim be like used to advertise a product, so I think seeing that made me feel like ‘Oh wow! We are being seen as beautiful and worthy and …’. And obviously, you know, beauty and how you superficially look is such a small part of your work but, I think as any girl … any like young woman, I … it always is comforting to see that on my screens and on social media, that kind of thing.

India wants to encourage workplaces to provide training about visible differences and inclusivity.

I think education is really key and, to be honest, I don’t think it should just be something that happens and someone has a burn injury, I think employers should take agency in educating their staff on treating people with disabilities or any sort of visible differences and educating their employees on the fact that people are different and how to deal with it and get experts in to provide that training. Because, obviously, you provide that training around race and gender and that is really important, but I think disabilities sometimes are a little bit neglected in that. Or not just disabilities, visible differences. So, you know, I would encourage any sort of education, to be honest, in advance because there’s always going to be someone, in any workplace, they’re going to come into contact with someone who has some sort of difference and I think being educated on that is really, really important, even before something so terrible happens that they have to do so.