Saffron

Age at interview: 24

Brief Outline:

Saffron sustained her burn when she was 3 years old. She doesn’t remember much about the accident but recalls how the friendly burns nurses made her hospital stay more positive. Saffron believes meeting others with burns helped her not to feel alone.

Background:

Saffron is 24 years old and lives with her parents. She is a trainee assistant psychologist. Her ethnicity is White British.

More about me...

Saffron sustained her burn injury when she was 3 years old after the dress she was wearing caught alight from a gas fire she was sitting nearby. Saffron’s memories from the time of accident are quint faint and not very clear, a lot of what she knows about the accident she has been told by her family.

An ambulance was called and Saffron was taken to a local hospital before being transported to a specialist burns unit and hour away from home. Saffron believes this was a very stressful time for her family as they had to temporarily move and live in family accommodation provided by the hospital which she says this “enabled us all to be together”. At the time of her burn Saffrons’ Mum was seven months pregnant, and as Saffron was an inpatient at the burns unit for a 12 weeks, the baby was born at the adjoining hospital. The risk of contracting an infection is very high after a burn injury, this meant that Saffron was unable to meet her new baby sibling for a while after they were born. She says she used this as motivation to help her to learn to walk again so she could visit her new sibling.

During her stay as an inpatient at the burns unit, Saffron remembers the nurses “going the extra mile to make sure I was happy” even though it was still “very challenging”. She says because of the kindness of the nurses and the support they gave her and her family, this has helped her to look back on her time in hospital with more positive memories. Although Saffron says she felt supported during her time at the burns unit, on reflection she wishes her parents had received support to process the trauma that they had experienced and to understand more about the ongoing care Saffron would require at home. In hindsight, Saffron also believes it would have been beneficial for her to receive more therapeutic support as a child to help with emotions.

Saffron has undergone several skin graft operations since sustaining her burn aged 3. She believes the most challenging part of her hospital treatments was recovering from the skin grafts because “you’re moving forward in life and then you have to stop for three or four weeks to recover”. Saffron currently receives laser treatment to treat her scars, and she finds this a much easier process than a skin graft as the recovery time is much quicker.

When Saffron was 8 years old she started attending annual residential camps organised by children’s burns charities. She was able to meet other burns survivors which she believes really helped her through her emotional recovery. Saffron says she “thrived from being able to access peer support from other burn survivors” because it provided her with “coping strategies from those who’ve been there and lived it as well”. Saffron thinks the bonds she has made with other burn survivors is so close because sustaining a burn is “such a unique experience that no one can fully appreciate apart from if you’ve experienced it”.

Saffron summarises her experience with the quote “I survived because the fire inside of me burned greater than the one around me”. She wants other people with burns to remember that they are more powerful than they think.

Saffron had to repeat the process of going under general anaesthetic and then spending the day “coming round” for a period of three weeks.

I’ve got a lot of memories on the operations. Going back to my initial hospital stage, and so it was quite blurry, but it was very persistent. I think for a period of at least three weeks I would have been in and out of theatre every day, so that’s a process of going under anaesthetic, which is not great, always quite horrible, them doing what they need to do and then spending the day coming around from the anaesthetic and then getting used to, perhaps, that change in pain from whatever has happened, and then going back through that process in the morning. So, as well as being young that probably constitutes to why I don’t have much memory from that stage.

Saffron said the recovery from a skin graft was difficult.

Again, the actual operation, I would say, is probably the easiest part. I found that the actual recovery of a skin graft is harder, mainly because the itchiness, you know, it’s the skin graft, where they’ve taken that, itches a lot more I’d say than the actual recovery of where they’d put that skin. So, it’s a process, as I say, when I had it done, they stapled the skin to me, so it would be a case of letting them staples heal and then going back and having staples removed which, again, is quite a painful process. It’s quite an amazing, you know, in terms of how that actually works but, yeah, it can be quite painful.

When I went back as well for my final operation that was also a skin graft so, again, it takes a while for that skin to heal again and for you to be able to then get your movement back but, definitely the skin graft is something that takes, I would say is more of the challenging part of that healing process. The area where they take the skin usually heals up quite nicely in terms of you don’t have a scar left afterwards. When I look at my legs, because they took it from my legs on patches from each side so I can faintly see, I can tell where them patches are but, you know, on the whole it’s healed really nicely. With the latest one I had done, which would have been, I’d say about eight years ago now, that is you still see that quite a bit, but I’m just hoping, as I say, as the years go by that will fade as well, so yeah. Otherwise, I look a bit like a patchwork doll.

When Saffron was burnt as a child, her family temporarily relocated to be closer to the hospital as her Mum was pregnant.

I have some memories of being in hospital. They’re quite faint. I more remember, in terms of actually the incident, I think I recall a story that I’ve been told, and I don’t really have clear memories from that specific time but, you know, I know that it was a very stressful time, especially for my family. So the nearest hospital with a burns unit was about an hour away from us, so we all moved up there. We were given somewhere to stay by the hospital, which was very good of them but, obviously, that enabled us to all be together in terms of my family. My mum was also seven months pregnant, so my younger brother was born in hospital as well, where we were staying.

Saffron uses Factor 50 SPF sun cream and tries to keep her burn covered. This way, she can still enjoy going to the beach.

With sun exposure, I do live near a beach so I’ve always enjoyed going to the beach and making the most of the warm weather, but I just try to do that in the safest way as I can possible. So, I’m always topped up on factor 50 and I try to keep the burn covered, even though I still wear a bikini. So, you know, I’ll go to the beach in a dress, and I’ll lay on the beach in my bikini, but I’ll tuck the dress in over the scar so that it’s not in direct sunlight. And I guess in my head that way, it’s best of both worlds. You know, you’re still getting to enjoy a nice day but also trying to protect that as much as I can. And of course, if I was to go on holiday or, you know, to a foreign country where it’s a bit hotter, I try to not be in direct sunlight within the peak times just because it can-, wouldn’t want to burn the scar at all. But I haven’t done that up until yet so I do find that, you know, keeping regularly topped up with factor 50 and trying to cover it where you can, helps a lot.

Saffron explains her approach to dealing with people staring at her or asking questions.

Yeah, I think that was something that, when I was quite younger, I kind of got into my head because, you know, I used to say to people ‘Everyone’s staring’ and be convinced that ‘Look, everyone’s staring.’ And then I just kind of got to a point where people will always stare because there’s always … it hasn’t changed, it’s always going to look the same. So, you’ve always got to walk past a new person who hasn’t seen that and will have that automatic same reaction. I guess, again, the psychology helps with this because it is just an automatic reaction to something different. People will take a double look at it. And then I think about how I react when I see something different, and that might be someone wearing an odd outfit or a weird hairstyle or, you know, something that’s a bit, you know, not even that trivial really and we all do it, we all think ‘What are they doing?’ So, I can understand that’s … it is just something different and people are looking. A good quote is ‘Be curious, not judgmental’ because I think it’s ok to look and it’s ok to, as I say, double take but if someone was to then approach me with a nasty comment ‘What’s that on your leg?’ or ‘Err, what happened to you?’ then that would be crossing that line and that there’s no need for that response.

I’d say, “Are you looking at my burn?” or I’d just be very direct and, in which case, they either say “Yes” or probably turn away with embarrassment. Another good one if no-one wants to say anything is to just smile because they know that you’ve clocked them and, again, then I think that’s another, they feel the self-embarrassment that you have seen them staring at you. But I don’t, I haven’t really been taught to have a go at anyone for looking. If they were being nasty, I guess I’d use a different tactic but, again, I haven’t really experienced that much either.

Saffron felt that her brother, who was born shortly after her accident, had “a different start than I did”. She added that he didn’t get to join in with social activities that were only for children with burns.

So, there was a lot of responsibility on my mum to care for me, just being discharged from hospital, and also a newborn baby. And I just think over the years of, you know, from a psychological point of view I think that would have had an impact in itself and that’s no-one’s fault, that’s just a circumstance and I think we’ve all, obviously, tried to do our best with that and cope with that. But I do think he had, because of that, a different start than I did. I was the firstborn child, and it was just me, Mum and Dad, so with no extra stress like that.

Going back to my brother, I also think another thing was the fact, obviously, how much support I’ve received and the opportunities that I’ve had because of that and, obviously, he wasn’t given them same opportunities. So, I went annually on the national burns camps, and I’ve really thrived at them, and I made friends, and I had a brilliant time because of it. And, although we would have gone on family holidays, I just think that’s always something that I’ve done that he didn’t have the experience of having. Which is why it’s good that now they do, do family weekends. Not everyone, obviously, can go on them but it’s good that people get the opportunity to mingle, so that’s, you know, mums mingling with other mums and dads etc and siblings mixing with other siblings and kind of getting to see what it’s all about and getting support they need as well.

Saffron’s best friend has been there for her since before the burn.

I’ve just kind of been lucky that, I guess again, they’ve always known and grown up with me. When I was burnt I was in Year One and I had a really close friend who’s still my best friend.

On reflection, maybe it built our friendship stronger, because I went back to school and I’d missed so much of it, but I felt like I still had her, so I didn’t lose that close friendship that I had. And then, from that, we just, because we’re still friends and we’ve got a friendship group so, I guess, I’ve always had a close friend and then, from that, we’ve kind of made friends with loads of other people.

She’s kind of been there throughout the whole of my recovery and I guess she’s always, you know, so if I go in for laser or something I’d speak to her about it just as much as I’d speak with my burn friends that I’ve met through other things like that. So, it is good to have someone who’s been there throughout on a friendship basis as well.

When starting a new job, for example, Saffron thinks it’s important employers and colleagues know that burns can be life-long and visible injuries.

So, I guess, just be understanding that it’s a life-long injury and, obviously, that treatment and that time is needed. And I guess, in terms of going … you know, if someone’s resuming to work or starting for the first time and they’re in a customer-facing role, and they’ve got burns in obvious areas, it’s kind of maybe making that aware to their other colleagues as well so that, as a team, they’re supportive of that individual and they don’t feel alone. Of course, if that’s something they’re happy with, um, but you know, if an issue or anything was ever to arise, they have the support of their colleagues behind them.

Saffron, who was burnt as a child, takes two days sick leave followed by a few days annual leave when she has appointments for her burns. She also appreciates that her employer grants leave for volunteering.

Other impacts it’s had, I guess, are when you’re having extra surgery, so that impact of needing to have time off work routinely. But I’m quite lucky that work’s very understanding, and I can get a day’s sickness and then a couple of days, sometimes I’ve taken that out of my annual leave, which obviously is- then that’s coming out of my own time really.

And another thing with me is I take a lot of time off to volunteer for other burn organisations. So, I guess with my work they just do understand it’s such a big part of my life in many areas. So, from, as well as needing sick days for treatment, I also take annual leave to, you know, volunteer and they’ll know that I’ve gone away on a camp or I’m doing this and that. So, it’s probably a two-way street. It’s as well as the burn survivor being open with their employer, so that they can be understanding of their needs.

Saffron said that getting changed in front of others as a child during sports was her “biggest challenge”.

I think that was the biggest challenge was when we were in that age where I couldn’t really escape the sense of-, I had to get changed in front of other people and they would look because they didn’t really understand.

I guess I want to use the word ‘normal’ or definitely distorted, you get a view that it’s this horrible texture, and I guess that, you know, you then think to yourself, that’s when you start thinking “Well, how will other people view me?” or “Am I really going to fit in?” or that I’m just going to stand out, you know, walking along the street. And I guess I still feel that to a level.

Saffron was able to accept her scars through recognising the challenges her body had overcome.

Self-acceptance is key because it’s not changing and I think the more you resent it, the least you’ll be able to accept yourself in life and who you are. Whereas, if you can accept it as a part of you, then I just think that you can move forward more in life.

I guess it’s not just self-acceptance, it’s having a bit of resilience to realise how far you’ve already come to have that scar. So, to have the scar you’ve already been through the hospital treatment and the pain, and you’ve overcome that, and you’ve physically recovered, so really the acceptance is accepting that this is where you are now and doing that will enable you to move forward as well. So, I guess, self-acceptance, yeah, is a really key thing here.

Saffron feels that having a burn and taking time off school for treatment has stalled her ability to focus on her education.

I had quite a big gap out of school, through recovery. So, when I first had my burn injury, I was in about year reception going into year one. I think I returned half-way through year one the next year, so quite a big chunk. I had the option to be put back a year, but I didn’t take it, I didn’t want to, I guess, be made to be any more different than I already was. With secondary school I remember doing quite a lot of my work in hospital when I was recovering, I found it ok. It was quite difficult to actually concentrate and make any productive progress, but I still tried. And that was similar when I went back for my A-Levels, I was actually revising for a-levels in hospital.

So, I guess in terms of the education, it has kind of somewhat stalled my ability to focus and put time into what I needed to do. But I’ve still progressed at the rate I should’ve done in terms of I still sat for all the exams I needed to do.

Saffron found it useful to tell her school about her burns in an assembly.

In school, I one of the benefits for me not being bullied or really having many questions by my peers was I told everyone. I’m quite an open person and I done, well, after my first camp I kind of stood in the school and did an assembly on burns camp and told them all, you know, that, I think people obviously knew that I was burnt before but I was more telling them of this positive experience that I’d had and the achievements I’d got because, you know, this was back in the day where people would stand up if they’d got a swimming certificate or something. So, I kind of stood up and told everyone about my week at camp and it kind of stuck with me from then because I live in quite a close town and I’ve grown up with the same peers throughout my education so, even from little school, moving into secondary school, a lot of them would have known and I just don’t think anyone’s ever had a negative outlook on it. So, that really helped, especially kind of, you know, I would go back to camps, moving forward in other years as well. I would say the only challenge I really had in school would have been changing for PE. This is a little school, in front of other people, and that was because I was probably before even going to camps and that was really what set in my mind “I am different”. I didn’t look like everyone else, and everyone didn’t know at that point, so a lot of staring and comments behind the back on, I think people don’t want to actually ask to your face so they’re not staring to be horrible, they’re just staring because they’re curious. But it can come across very judgmental at times. So, I think that was the biggest challenge was when we were in that age where I couldn’t really escape the sense of, I had to get changed in front of other people and they would look because they didn’t really understand. Obviously, they were young as well so, children have no filter and can be quite honest.

Saffron went online to learn about other people’s experiences of having laser treatment.

I’m aware of information out there and perhaps I’ve just not, for instance, before I got my laser treatment, I went on Dan’s Fund where they had a Burns UK website and just looked up some of the information. They had stories but, again, they’re actually stories about people who had done it, so I feel that I’m probably looking for that sort of information as well, as opposed to factual information on “This is laser treatment, this will do this, this, this.” But I want to know someone else’s story, you know, why they got it done and what it done for them and for me to see if that is a similar to me.

Saffron made “close bonds” with the other young people at the burns camps because of the “unique experience” of having a burn injury.

I probably think it’s the best form of support just because you have that common experience that you can share, and I think it’s quite a close bond because it’s such a unique experience that no-one really can fully appreciate that apart from someone else who’s been through it. So, as soon as you meet someone like that, and then once you actually meet them and you also get on with them on that friendship basis, I think it can be really powerful. And the friends that I do have who are burn survivors, I do think will be friends for life. And, again, we’ll have each other to support each through, you know, life hurdles that we come across. Because we obviously met as children so, as we face new things throughout our adulthood lives, yeah, I’m sure that we’ll all be there to support each other in a way that other people wouldn’t be able to.

From your doctor, you obviously get an evidence-based answer, uh hopefully. You’ll get, you know, a ‘correct’ answer, I suppose, um, he/she, your doctor is the person with the available options for you so they’re the best to say, “We can do this treatment on this part of your scar, which will help you in this way.” Your burn survivor friends can’t do that, they can’t actually do that. And of course, your doctor, as well as telling you what he recommends, can also let you know what other options are available to you as well. So, from the practical aspect I think, obviously your doctor is needed but, I guess more of the emotional and the physical side of that, how that will actually feel, um, you then have to speak with someone who’s been through that because, as I say, only they will know how much pain you’ll be in at the time, how long you’ll need to recover, what it will do for you, what it will look like- all them sorts of things. I think a doctor can, he or she obviously has that knowledge of other patient experiences, but it probably feels more trustworthy and authentic coming from someone who’s been through it themselves.

Saffron said that burns camps helped her with her emotional recovery.

From around age eight and then I started attending burns camps, which really kind of, that was an annual thing and that really, for me, helped in terms of the emotional recovery and also throughout the stages of life when new challenges were presenting, there was always that burns camp where I could meet other burns survivors and that would help me.

As I talked about, peer support burn camps, which usually consists of a residential week or period of time away with other burns survivors doing activities you wouldn’t usually do which, you know, need a bit of overcoming some fears to do, but also they’re exciting and something different that you wouldn’t get to do normally and having that opportunity to meet other people who’ve been in a similar situation to yourself that we wouldn’t usually come across in our day-to-day lives, and recognising that we’re not the only ones in this situation. And, you know, coming away from the camps or support groups, I think the feeling of not being isolated definitely will stick with you, as well as forming such a support network that you can bounce off of even when you’re not at the residential camps or whatever they are. So, I definitely recommend speaking with burns units because they’ll be able to put you in the direction of, as I say, what’s in your local area and what people are doing. As well as that, as well as actually, you know, staying away, there’s also a lot of support groups.

Saffron said following other people who “look like me” helps her and makes burn injuries “more normal”.

Yeah, completely because it fills my feed up with people who look like me. And I think it then makes it more normal for me as well, because what I’m viewing is constant, is people similar to myself as well, and people doing you know, having that positive attitude and trying to raise awareness in a similar way. So, yeah, it helps in many ways.

Does it help you when you see someone that looks like yourself? That representation, is that important for you?

Yeah, definitely, because I think that’s a reason why I really got into the raising awareness because I feel really unrepresented anyway in general media. As I say, before I’d gone to burns camp, I’d never met anyone with a burn. I think it’s changing a bit now, it’s good that we, you know with someone like Katie Piper in the, you know, that she’s famous and she’s quite there and she’ll be there a bit in terms of in the public eye a bit more. But I think that there’s definitely a lot more that can be done for people to, you know, realise that it’s not just Katie Piper who’s burnt, for instance.

Saffron wants employers to understand that having a burn is a life-long journey.

I don’t think there’s enough awareness around burns in themselves for employers to really take into consideration the needs that that person would, because they have an injury, might face. So, you know, just because my employer might know I’m burnt, but they might not understand that means I have to have this treatment. So, it’s kind of when do you have them conversations? For me, I’ve obviously just done it when I’ve got my hospital letter through and it’s a good way to open that up, um but, yeah, so I think, as I say, they don’t really understand the complexity of it. And another thing with me is I take a lot of time off to volunteer for other burn organisations. So, I guess with my work they just do understand it’s such a big part of my life in many areas. So, from, as well as needing sick days for treatment, I also take annual leave to, you know, volunteer and they’ll know that I’ve gone away on a camp or I’m doing this and that. So, it’s probably a two-way street. It’s as well as the burn survivor being open with their employer, so that they can be understanding of their needs.