Burn Injuries

And then I got put through and then got help for the PTSD. And then they explained it to me, you know, this is post-traumatic. This is everything and then they started going through everything, and you realise how significant it was. I honestly didn't realise how significant the burns was at that stage. I mean, I knew it's a big thing, you know. I've been burned, but I still couldn't talk about it at that stage.

So, if I had that conversation with someone and they'd say, “Oh, have you been burned?” I’d try and talk about it and I’d end up, my hands would just be shaking. I couldn't talk about it, and I didn't realise then that this was not, this isn’t good. You know, this is all stuff that needed to be dealt with. So, on the other side of all that, a couple of years later, it's almost like I can just talk about it now, and I can think about it, but it's the images are flat. It's like looking at a book, and we can look at the pictures together. When I used to talk about it before, it was like going back there. And I could still smell things and feel things and it was like a-, you could, you'd go back to actually being in that thing and all that anxiety would come up, and it would be-, whereas now I’ve separated them all.

So, it's not to say I’m not going to get anxious. If, you know, I’m still anxious with fire. You know, I’m always going to be. That's like, you'll be unreasonable to think that, you know, it's not going to affect me. But I can understand it, so I can actually say oh, I’m feeling a bit anxious because of this or because of that. Whereas before it would just be overwhelming feelings of anxiety and I need to be safe and I need everyone around me to be safe, whereas now I’ve got a little bit more understanding, and can reason with myself about what's going on.

I suffered anxiety in the past to the point I couldn't go into stores like when it was sort of growing up. I sort of learned how to cope with that, so it sort of came back a little bit. I thought I don't want to go to a bar alone, so having my majors to come up, you know, but always together just things like that. They sort of, I guess I don't ever appreciate how much it helps but yeah, just having someone to go out with who would, he doesn't care about you, your appearance anyway, you know, they like you for you, but the fact that they make me feel so comfortable that it didn't matter if I had some, you know, dressing on my wrist, it didn't matter if people asked because, he was there next to me and he'd always make me feel comfortable, you know. And if they ever got too much, we'd sort of be able to leave it.

Getting support before you need it but surround yourself with people that are going to help you recover because it's not just a recovery of the burns, the recovery of your, you know, your mental thinking, that whole anxiety of dealing with that, and digesting it all and coming to terms with it, and learning how to live again, you know.

Especially with psychological because it was like once I was discharged from hospital and I moved back home with my mum, we were always arguing and my mum was saying that I was very like ratty and just flying off the handle over anything and she was saying to me “You need to go and see your doctor, son. You need to go and see your doctor. Tell him, because you’re losing your temper too easy” and things like that. And the way I used to look at it was like “But it’s in my head. How is someone else going to be able to help me with something that’s in my head?” But again, it was like, so that was how I used to look at it but after I seen, because I’d say it went on for about three or four years, like my mum saying, “Please son, go and see your doctor” and I would say “No, no, they can’t, how can they help me?” But then, like, after three or four years I thought “Right, no I do need to” because it was having a big impact in my life. So, I thought “Right, I need to go and see someone.”

I kind of looked forward to going back to it, do you know what I mean. Because again, from the first session I ever had with her, I felt like a release, like I’d taken a few bricks off my shoulders, kind of thing. And so, every chance I got to go back it was like “Yes, I can take some more bricks off”. And so, it kind of like, do you know, it was a bit like, when she said. “We’re going to have to call it a day now Gary”. But again, I feel that she, like you’re saying, she gave me the toolbox, kind of thing, to help me. So, I always think back to just that last meeting we had, then when I walked out, I thought “Wow! I really want to become a psychologist” just because of how she showed me that it’s possible for someone to change another person, how they’re feeling and that. I just thought “Wow, that’s amazing that.”

Chris: And he, you know, he cooks now. He makes lunches for all three of them when they’re going to school. He cooks-, we try and get all of them to cook at least once a week.

Amy: He cooks pasta. That was a big step when he managed to cook pasta again.

Chris: Big step, and he was like “Yeah, I’ll cook but I’m not cooking pasta.” Fine, well, we’ll work on that.

That’s the thing, one of the biggest lessons is that I think once something so catastrophic happens to your body, you can only take it one day at a time. I mean, it is for emotional things as well, I guess, for much, anything this traumatic in life, but for me, it was like I wanted a resolution, I wanted to hurry up, I just wanted to wish the process away. But then, looking back – and even though I’m only a year and a half – you just think that the process is what makes you. And it’s not that I enjoyed it, it’s not it was great, and I would do it again, but somehow, you know, instead of wishing it away, you’re still alive, you’re still living in the moment and if you wish them away, you’re wishing your life away, even if it’s not perfect.

I’m not saying that I’m a master now whatsoever but, you know, you try every day. Yeah. And it makes me also think it’s like I was so lucky that, you know, I don’t like my hands and I think “Oh my God, they look so ugly, and everybody looks at them” but then, I’m thinking “No, it’s not true. You’re just …” you know you feel that way and a feeling doesn’t make it real, you know? A feeling is just a feeling, the reality is something else, actually it’s not that bad. So, that’s an important reminder as well, that what I feel is temporary and it’s just how I feel, it is not necessarily a reflection of what is true. And plus, you know, we’re fragile things. Like, who is going to make it out of life completely intact?

So, it was sort of, it was nice to have a network of people who would just understand and care or not necessarily understand people just care without needing to understand. And maybe, you know, there'd be the occasional joke, but half of those would be led by me, there's a sort of coping mechanism. You know, making a laugh out of it, you know. Maybe not, but that’s what I thought like it would never be about my appearance, it would never be personal, it would be about what happened. The fuel line say, you know, so no, I think it was good to both have a laugh with people I could feel comfortable enough to go outside with.

So, I think always whenever something went wrong, I’d always sort of make a joke about it, and then just sort of get back to it. So, I guess it came quite natural to me, but the fact that it was so serious this time, the humour helped hugely in my-, I never realised it could. As I say it wasn't necessarily humour being personal about it, just hearing about the situation, for example, oh, you know, “The scar will be quite cool to tell stories about” or, you know, “When we're doing that again”, you know, silly things like that kept it going.

I think we probably laughed more during those, you know, probably when she was initially very, very, very ill, we probably laughed more than we ever have probably in our lives, and it’s probably shock, fear of the unknown, your emotions are all over the place. Probably the staff, nurses, doctors, play therapists, whoever is involved, chaplaincy team, they’re all trying to kind of, I suppose, jolly you along and get you through another day. And I think mine and my husband’s coping mechanism at that time was probably to make light of an awful situation and, yeah, just to laugh and try and get through the day as best we can which, looking back, if anyone saw us probably thought we were lunatics. But that was just our coping mechanism at that time.

Yeah, 100%, again because, like with the breath and things like that, you’re not having to rely on somebody else, someone else’s opinion or point of view or experience of it. It’s like “Try it yourself”. But again, within a minute you can, I know you will feel a change. If you were to breath in a manner which is most optimal for us and the breaths, the breaks, the pauses in between, it all matters and I just feel we’ve kind of-, because it’s unconscious and we don’t think about it, we kind of forget about it.

Just breathing, but it’s like, at the time it was like because the nurses were always saying to me just like “Just concentrate on your breathing”.

So, I understand how integral our breath is to our being and that’s all I’ve really looked to have done since coming out of hospital, well, no, I’d say like, in the last couple of years, that’s what I’ve been more focused on is trying to personalise my breathing, do you know? So, what feels best to me, regardless of what anybody else is saying because, ok, it might be best for them but what feels best for me kind of thing?