Burn Injuries

It was important to get back to as normal, normality as possible. I had exam groups as well, so year 11’s and year 13’s and so I didn't want them to miss out as well coming up to their exams, but I had to get back to normality. I had to have, again, and it was a goal in mind. It was something I had to aim for. I could have had six months off, but I went back after four purely because I felt ready. I would have gone back earlier, but they said no. No, just she said, “take your time and just come back when you're 100% sure”.

I felt like I was getting back on track, to be fair. Getting back to normality. I went back on a gradual return to work basis, and that was, yeah, that was what, just to get back to normal as soon as possible. And it felt like I rushed it. Some people probably thought I did. I think my husband thought I did, but I said I can't sit at home. I’m sorry, I can't sit at home and ponder about what-ifs and why's and wherefores. I need to spin back on my positive mental attitude, and I need to get back to work. I need to get inputting back into society. I don't want people sympathy, that's for sure. I just want to crack on and see soon... soon, the kids saw me realise I’m still alive because kids are... kids they've all thought I’d died. As soon as they see me and actually I’m still breathing. I don't know, okay, so my hands are a bit grim, but I had the covers on for a while. I still had the covers on. And if they asked to see, I just said, ‘oh, okay’. I’ll peel back, and they’d have a look. And they're like, ‘oh wow. Does it feel?‘. Even another kid said, “Does it feel lumpy? Does it feel any different?” and I said, “what do I feel?” You know, because kids are curious, and I would rather them understand that actually, a scar is fine and that this is what I’ve been left with and yeah, I do let them touch it, so they're good that they understand what it is and nothing to be afraid of.

I think it gave everybody the space they needed. I think, yeah had I had had to look him in the face for the six weeks without- I don’t know how I’d have reacted then. yeah, work was a bit of a- but, I mean, I’m quite close to my teaching assistants at school so I talked to them about it. Just feel like you can tell them anything, they’re wonderful people, teaching assistants. And then, when I’d come home “How’s your day? Is everything ok?” you know, and most of the time it was like “Everything’s fine. He’s been alright. He’s done this, this and this today.” Or I get-, but on those days “Oh, I went to hospital today” and I’d wait with bated breath as to what they said would happen now, um, or “The burns’ nurse has just been” or “and they’ve done this and this and now we’ve got to do this and this and this now.” It all comes flooding back to you and you think “Oh God, what a faff, what a hassle for him. What a hassle for us.” So, work was kind of a welcome distraction from it all, but as soon as I kind of came home it was kind of at the forefront of my mind for a bit, until it kind of all settled down and actually you knew it wasn’t going to be a significant and no major surgery involved and a thing that’s going to be really uncomfortable for him. It was, I think it gave my wife space from me as well, I think maybe she needed that just to, kind of dissipate that anger, I think.

So, I think it was, yeah, it was good to have that space and to kind of not think about it and not dwell on it but if it had been the summer holidays, I think it would have been completely different. You know, we would have been in each other’s space all the time, we would have fought a lot probably because of the emotions attached to it. There would have been worrying about him and having to go to the burns appointments and face the doctors and luckily, I think I went to one about a year and a half later, I think, and they were quite pleased with how it was getting on and it all seemed ok. So, I think, yeah, work was a good distraction and also gave everybody the space they needed to process their own emotions about it. So, it was a bit, yeah, we needed it.

So, I guess, just be understanding that it’s a life-long injury and, obviously, that treatment and that time is needed. And I guess, in terms of going … you know, if someone’s resuming to work or starting for the first time and they’re in a customer-facing role, and they’ve got burns in obvious areas, it’s kind of maybe making that aware to their other colleagues as well so that, as a team, they’re supportive of that individual and they don’t feel alone. Of course, if that’s something they’re happy with, um, but you know, if an issue or anything was ever to arise, they have the support of their colleagues behind them.

I think what it is that, obviously, a lot of corporate law or any type of law is incredibly client-facing and they’re kind of assessing … you know, you’re just being a trainee, but you want to get to the point where you can work with clients and build those client relationships. And I think I had just heard stories about, again, people with visible differences struggling to get something that is client-facing because people worry about clients will feel less comfortable working with them. So, I think I was … you know, I didn’t think it would be something that would be so obvious and that it would ever be mentioned or brought up, but I thought, you know, you always wonder about those internal prejudices that might exist. But actually my interviews, it’s quite funny, my burn accident actually quite helped me in the process because I spoke a lot about the charity work I’ve done around the accident and the law firms really like stuff like resilience and, actually, I used it as a way to show my resilience and I actually think in a weird way it benefitted me, ironically because could speak about a lot … as again, the charity work I’ve done, the skills that helped me show and also fighting adversity and that kind of thing. So, it was kind of a positive ending because it was something that I was concerned about actually ended up helping me in the long run.

I’d say … they’ve always … it’s always been on my mind, you know ‘What am I going to do?’ because again, it’s like I’ve always had the thought that I don’t want to be on benefits for the rest of my life and things like that but … so I’d say … so yeah, again, and especially with, like, me losing my limb and that, it was like so … the main thing that I thought I was going to do for the rest of my life was just whipped away from me. So, it was like ‘Wow what you going to do then Gaz?’ and then it was like I was going to be an electrician, but I’ve lost my index finger on my left hand, and I’ve got like … I’ve had to have my knuckles changed in other fingers and so I haven’t got full mobility in my left hand. So, it’s again so … so I just feel that rather than thinking ‘So, what kind of field am I going to go into now?’ I’ve just kind of thought ‘Well, I need to just make me happy. I need to make me at ease. I need to make me calm.’

So, I just feel like I’ve got a purpose in life now and it’s just about trying to – like I was saying before – trying to personalise it for certain people, but I do feel that way. At work, especially when I … I was in work, because it was only … not so long ago, I had a young person like … because after we have a young person come from the services, they have to give feedback at the end of their time and it was like ‘What was a good thing you liked about working with us?’ and this young person said ‘I really, really enjoyed working with [name]. I don’t think he understands how much of an impact he has on people. And even when I pass my driving test when I’m older, I’m still going to remember everything [name] told me.’ And things like that. And again, it was like when I joined, like, with the fire service and the youth offending service, I done it both on a voluntary basis, do you know what I mean? And it’s only through me just sticking it out with the Youth Justice Service that I’ve got to the position that I’m at now with them. But again, it’s only, like, five hours a week at the moment but it’s something. Gets me out the house, kind of thing.