TIA and Minor Stroke

My incident occurred during a conference. I was attending a one-day conference, a technical conference, and during the morning session thought that I needed to speak to a couple of characters who’d presented papers, so at a coffee break approached one of them. I had a normal conversation, turned to speak to the other character, and lost the ability to speak, which was very confusing and quite perturbing. I literally couldn’t take the thought from my brain to my mouth and articulate what I wanted to say. That lasted for a few minutes. I had to turn away from the man I wanted to speak to, managed to stumble out something to the effect of, “I’ve lost the ability - I’ve lost my words for the day”, and went back to the place in the conference hall, sat and realised that something very strange had happened. It so happened that I was sitting next to a client of mine. So I was aware that I really couldn’t speak to him, because I didn’t want him to know that there was something odd. This would have had a business impact. But I was confident that if it was serious he would – he was a good man - take care of me. At lunchtime I phoned my office and asked my PA if she could get me an appointment with my GP. And early afternoon felt very tired, very hot. So left the conference, came back home. That evening I was disturbed by what had happened, but slept normally.

 

 

 

 

Now I have to stop and think of the implications like I have to know the limits, how far I can push myself and when I need to stop and rest.

 

Everything in, in general, work-wise.

 

Part-time, yeah.

 

 

I just get very tired, very easily and I suppose most people can take a lot, a lot of things and keep it there. Where for me I can only take a small bit and then I have to shut everything off because then that kind of makes me worse and then my blood pressure goes up and, so I have to know when I, you know, when to stop?

 

 

No, physically I can’t, I couldn’t do full-time yet because I get too tired too easily. But that is what I’m pushing for.

 

 

Yeah.

 

 

Yeah.

 

 

I’m not sure.

 

 

It’s …

 

 

... building yourself back up to being able to go for 100% all the time.

 

 

Yeah.

 

 

Hm.

 

 

No, they’re quite flexible with my, with my hours. And I can do more if I want to. Which I have done. And then feel worse for it afterwards. So I, I know now still, it’s too much too soon. But, yeah, I do gradually very slowly, work your way up.

 

And that can be frustrating because it does take a long time and you can’t, at that time you can’t really see that you are progressing, even though you are. But you can’t just stay and do nothing because that makes you feel so much worse. You have to keep doing things.

 

I couldn’t just sit and do nothing. You just don’t get better doing that. You have to keep pushing yourself constantly all the time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I look at my business slightly differently.

 

 

Because I think I worked, I lived to work, whereas now actually in fact I’m going to work to live. So if the business goes pop, it goes pop. I’m not going to worry. That’s not the be all and end all. And for some reason I don’t know whether it’s a generation thing, but I seem to be pre-conditioned to work and think I have to work. And I’ve been looking at it and thinking well actually I don’t. And so the first opportunity I get, I shall stop. Because just think, it sounds awful doesn’t it? But I just think it’s not worth, it’s just not worth it.

I knew that what I do for a living requires me to work long, long hours, and always has done, which I enjoy. But that’s always been a fear, that that stress would cause something. Lo and behold, it’s caused, it would appear to have caused, or been a contributor to what has happened.

 

I can’t change the stress level I work under. That’s something which is self-imposed. If you run your own business, you, nobody’s told you to do that, you’re doing it, it’s your choice. I don’t have an easy answer to that. And if there’s, for other people in similar situations, I don’t know what I can say. If, unless you’ve run your own business you, it’s impossible to imagine what it’s like. People say, “Why don’t you just pack up and retire?” Well, you for all sorts of reasons can’t do that. So the stress, that stress continues.

 

So the changes are small. It’s something you think about on a daily basis, “What should I be doing?” And it is possible to walk away from some of the more stressful, some of the more stressful parts of the business. And I’m wary not to become overtired. I was told not to become overtired. So in summary, take the medications, measure the blood pressure, try and get fitter, and stay away from excesses of stress.

It is busy. I, what it’s made me do is, is made me realise how much I love the job but also how much that, that I am going to pace myself and I can see retirement, whereas before I was going to go on for more years than I’m going to now. I am going to cut back. Perhaps within a year or two years rather than three or four years now.

I took early retirement officially a year and two months after my event.

 

 

Well that, let, let’s, it’s a strange, it was a, it was a strange transition because in actual fact I retracted that and they had to let me go on a, a special agreement. They couldn’t fire me, they couldn’t make me there’s a term, there’s an in between where the company let me go.

 

 

Yes.

 

 

Yes, yes.

 

 

Yeah, that’s the reason I couldn’t go to work because they found out and I had various managers pop in, well my immediate came to see me and the one that called all my grief came to see me and I think [wife] almost had words with him in the ward [laughs].

 

 

I don’t think to be honest, I could have done the job. I think..

 

 

I think what would have happened is that, it may not have done, it depends how much I could control myself, but there would have been at least probably 12 months before I could have get, got back on my job and the job I was involved in I think had to have somebody managing it while I was there so I think, you know, the fact that I took early retirement I don’t think I would have had a job to go back to.

 

 

 

It’s been a bit of a problem thinking about it. But I thought I might start to do some voluntary work just to start with to see exactly what I can and can’t do.

 

And also I’m not sort of, my hours are not set if I do voluntary work because that’s where I’m finding it so difficult. And that’s where I was finding it difficult at work because I would go into work absolutely exhausted. And then I’d have to be at a meeting at eleven o’clock and that would be until two o’clock and I couldn’t just get up and think, say what, “I’m really, really tired and I’m not taking this on board and I need to go home now.” You know, because you just don’t do that do you? [chuckles]

 

 

Yeah.

Yeah, because if I go in and after a couple of hours I feel really … as long as I explain the situation before I go and just after a couple of hours say, “Look, I’m really tired now, you know, I’ll try and come in again tomorrow.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’d certainly tell them, everybody at work, they know what’s happened. And I’ve also spoken to them about what to do if I start to behave strangely, because I want, I want them to be able to feel confident to just dial 999. You know, let’s not delay. Let’s get some help. Because I’m concerned that if I have a stroke I may not be able to explain what’s happening. I want them to recognise the symptoms and deal with it. And because I travel and work in very remote locations because of my business - I’m talking about the middle of Siberian forests, or out in the Sahara, or up on the Canadian ice fields - I need to tell the people I’m with what has happened. I need to be very honest with them and say, “Right, I’ve had this. This is my concern. And this is what I want you to do about it if these things happen.” And that’s something that just feeds into a safety culture which we’ve had as a company, as a group, for all our working time, and which we’ve inherited and learnt from the major oil companies we work with, who are very concerned about individual safety and are extremely good at it.