TIA and Minor Stroke

We’d been out gardening and we’d gone inside for a drink and I sat down on the sofa and I just felt completely fine one minute and the next minute everything just went black. I couldn’t see anything. I had like brain fog. You just couldn’t think, or, get the, I could get the thoughts but not the words to come out. I managed to get my mum’s attention and she could see that there was something wrong by my eyes, I don’t, I’m not quite sure how. And I just lay down on the sofa because I thought it was just like I was going to faint. And that lasted for about five to ten minutes. And I don’t really remember much but the next thing I remember was going to the hospital.

Deborah' Now in May, we were sitting outside talking to Mum, and Mum had sunglasses on and while we were talking, I realised Mum’s facial expressions hadn’t changed. I asked her if she was alright, and I took her sunglasses off and she was just [makes a blank face to illustrate]. When I asked her if she was alright - nothing. Mum couldn’t say anything and her expression didn’t change. So we got Mum back here and the medical staff came. And Mum came out of it. So again that was probably a minute or even two minutes at the most. And Mum just felt tired, but there wasn’t any confusion then, because it seems to me the short TIAs you can get through, but if they go on longer than five minutes, then—

 

Stella' They sap your energy.

 

Deborah'Yes, and the confusion might just be because Mum’s tired and whacked out from it.

Stella' Yes I’m staring, I know I’m staring into space.

 

 

Stella' Yes, because some of the carers say to me when I’m lying down and I’m looking up at them, and I’m looking at them, sometimes they say to me, “Why are you looking at me like that?” you see. So I’m staring at them. So I think it unnerves them.

It was one morning in June this year, 2010, my secretary was here. I was trying to fill in a form but I was also dictating a letter to her and some, somehow the words [laughs] started to get really jumbled. I couldn’t think what I was doing, but I wasn’t aware there was anything wrong except that for some reason I was being stupid. And so I tried to go and fill in a form that I’d already started and I knew I was making mistakes. So I tried to correct them and this made it much worse. And so I ymm, ymm,. ymm but finally I said to her in perfectly conventional English, “Oh for God’s sake, [secretary] clear off home, I don’t want, I don’t want you to see me in this stupid state.” The darling girl going by, went, went past Alison’s house, Alison, next door but one and said, “There’s something the matter with Brian.”

 

Alison came round immediately and I was saying, “[meaningless words]” So she, she’s the brightest of ladies, present company accepted of course, she immediately phoned the hospital and they sent an ambulance around.

 

Now one of the delights of living here is that we’re not only near the cemetery whe... [laughs] we’re near the hospital too. And in tow minutes the paramedics were here with their ambulance. And they were so pleased with themselves that they’d got here in two minutes.

 

So they picked me up as I understand it. I don’t know that I actually recall this but I, I was told they picked me up, carried me into the ambulance and as they were strapping me down I said to the guy, “Oh Jesus, that was weird. Whatever was it. Oh, thank God I’m talking English again.” And, and it was over.

I was unaware of having a stroke or that there was anything wrong with me until my partner knelt down in front of me and told me I was having a stroke. I didn’t feel ill. I felt no discomfort and no pain. Nothing. My partner was kneeling in front of me with the telephone in her hand, telling me that I was having a stroke. And... I tried to respond but … it didn’t work, and I wasn’t quite sure what I was trying to respond with, because I’d forgotten what speech was. I could make a noise. And I knew I wanted to do something. But I would liken to it to having your head put in a goldfish bowl. Because there was this, I was separated from her. And I was totally unable to communicate and she was trying to calm me down, as she spoke to the paramedic and as she was speaking to the paramedic it began, I began to make more of a noise and my speech returned but very slurred, and periodically I was losing my right arm. I was unable to move my right arm.

 

By the time the paramedics got here, I could hold, nearly hold a conversation with them. And after about 20 minutes when they took me out in the ambulance and they were asking me questions.

 

And it came like waves when I was in the ambulance. One minute I was there, and the next minute I wasn’t. And it was the same with my arm. I sat in the ambulance and I lost my arm completely, and it just wouldn’t function, and it was just like it was somebody else’s arm somehow. And then all of a sudden it was all back.

 

And by the time they put the ECG on and done all the blood tests and give me the oxygen, by the time we left to get to[hospital], I was three quarters of the way back, and feeling... odd rather than ill. I still felt like I had the goldfish bowl on my head, but by the time I got to the [hospital] I was fine.

I’d been on holiday to Centre Parcs of all places and, and returned in the afternoon and had a, an afternoon nap after driving back from, from Longleat and something to eat sitting on the sofa at, this very sofa, and was talking to my wife and suddenly I just couldn’t formulate words. Words wouldn’t come out of my mouth, my wife asked me a question I just simply couldn’t answer. sounds came out but it didn’t make any sense. And also I couldn’t, I knew what I wanted to say but I just couldn’t think of the words to say what I wanted to say. And that was the first sign.

 

I was feeling a bit tired because it, it had been a very good holiday really, we’d had a good time and driven back and but nothing worse than that and just suddenly couldn’t speak. So I stood up in alarm I suppose, feeling a bit leaden but nothing worse than that and couldn’t speak and, and couldn’t speak and obviously my wife was becoming concerned because she could see something was wrong.

 

I then moved to this side of the sofa and looked out of the window and it looked as if the window had slipped to the left, moved to the left, strangely, and was fuzzy round the outside. And I sat down or rather slumped down, this side of the sofa, as I am now I suppose really, and gradually, very gradually, within minutes my voice came back, I could speak again. Albeit slurred, I could speak again. But when I was standing I couldn’t put words together and couldn’t think of, couldn’t think of the words that I needed to say, which was a curious mixture.

 

Gradually the words came back.

 

In the meantime my wife and son had called the ambulance immediately. And I should imagine within, I’m not absolutely sure but with five or ten minutes they were here. It seemed quite quick.

 

As I was sitting here and my speech was gradually coming back, I could feel, now I don’t know whether this was imagination or, or, or whether it was real, but it, it felt as if, I didn’t have a pain around my heart, but certainly there was weight there. It was as if it was gradually, like the Monty Python foot was pressing down on, on my heart and increasing pressure there. Not desperately uncomfortable but just there.

The first time I realised anything was wrong was when I woke up and I had my head in the door jam at work. And all I could think of was, “What on earth has happened? Why is my face on the floor? And why does my shoulder hurt?” Closely followed by, “What’s happened with what I was doing at the time?” And I really didn’t know what was happening. I was very shocked. Didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know whether I should stay there or get up or anything. And I couldn’t seem to work out what was going on. I don’t really remember anything else about that at all. I remember going through my place of work, I can remember getting into a car. I can remember my manager being fairly directive and saying, “Do this. Do that. Get your bags. Walk here. Walk there.” And I don’t really remember anything then till we got to the hospital.

 

She took the decision to take me because we were working near the hospital so it was easier and quicker just to go. I found, once we got to the hospital, I couldn’t really understand what they were saying at clerk in. Their voices seemed very strange, the words seemed very peculiar. I couldn’t really work out what they were saying and when I could work out what they were saying I couldn’t work out how to get a reply out back to them. And so what, I couldn’t really think about what they were saying to me because all I could think about was why I couldn’t talk properly. And that was really, really frightening. It was, it was very frightening. I was very glad I had my boss with me. And she sort of held my hand and did all the, the talking and the, you know, that sort of thing. And then we just waited, until we were seen and she did most of the talking.

Well it, it all began one April morning on … well it was a Monday and we’d just completed the very upsetting job of burying our old dog. He’d been with us for 14 years so of course both Shirley and I were extremely upset. We came in to have a cup of coffee. I sat down in my chair. And I think Shirley asked me a question and I tried to answer the question. But discovered that the words that I wanted were floating around, well to my mind they were floating around in a very large bubble. And when I tried to catch the words, they squeezed out from between my fingers. And it’s so real, it’s unbelievable how it’s coming back. But the words I just couldn’t hold them. I just couldn’t. And I couldn’t make any sense of anything. And I just didn’t know what was going on. I think I asked Shirley for help although I don’t really know I can’t really remember that. But I think I asked Shirley for help. And she came and knelt by the side of my chair and asked me what was the matter. And I tried to tell her but I couldn’t. I couldn’t say a word. And I was desperately frightened.

 

And then, as far as I remember, I start to talk reasonably well. It was very difficult to find the words. It was a bit like having a, a drawer with all the words you use in alphabetical order or, or in some sort of order that you, you know where they are and you can just use them but some clot had been into this drawer and used all the, my words and put them back in the wrong place.

My incident occurred during a conference. I was attending a one-day conference, a technical conference, and during the morning session thought that I needed to speak to a couple of characters who’d presented papers, so at a coffee break approached one of them. I had a normal conversation, turned to speak to the other character, and lost the ability to speak, which was very confusing and quite perturbing. I literally couldn’t take the thought from my brain to my mouth and articulate what I wanted to say. That lasted for a few minutes. I had to turn away from the man I wanted to speak to, managed to stumble out something to the effect of, “I’ve lost the ability - I’ve lost my words for the day”, and went back to the place in the conference hall, sat and realised that something very strange had happened. It so happened that I was sitting next to a client of mine. So I was aware that I really couldn’t speak to him, because I didn’t want him to know that there was something odd. This would have had a business impact. But I was confident that if it was serious he would – he was a good man - take care of me. At lunchtime I phoned my office and asked my PA if she could get me an appointment with my GP. And early afternoon felt very tired, very hot. So left the conference, came back home. That evening I was disturbed by what had happened, but slept normally.