Sexual Health (young people)

Blokes go 'yeah, yeah like I lasted seven hours last night' do you know what I mean.  He said a mate said to him 'oh I was going on for ages,' and everything and I said 'don't worry about it you can only do what you can do.'  I said 'You can't push nothing on, like you can't make yourself last that long.'  

I said 'You can only last as long as you last.'  I went, because like a lot of his mates like, 'cos he's a lot like I was, he hangs around with people older than him, see he gets a lot of pressure like from the older lot.

So like they're like a lot more experienced, they'll have done... I said to him 'You can only get better with experience mate,' I went 'you can't just jump into bed with your girlfriend and like do a lot of stuff, you can't do that mate.'  

I went 'you just get better with experience and if you stay with the same girl,' which like I think he is because he's really locked in for about eighteen months, I said 'Stay with the same girl,' I went 'like you'll get the hang of it.'  I went 'You might be all right first of all.'  I said 'You might be able to do it first of all because I didn't.'  I went 'I was a nervous wreck when I first done it ' I can't remember much about it 'cos like I tried to blank it out of me mind as much as I could, that first time I done it, I was like oh no, forget about that time.

But no its, I said to him like I explained to him about the first time because I didn't remember much bits about it and I said 'You can only do what you do, just try your best. Don't let no one put pressure on you, just take it as it comes.'

But no, it is very, very hard especially as you get older, I don't know it is very, very hard for blokes to talk about like experiences or anything like that. Apart from when like they've had a beer or whatever they try and start bragging.  

But it is hard from the age of say, some people start at the age of 15, some people start younger, but 15 to 21 the kids don't like speaking much about it. But you get some, some blokes from upwards they don't care, they'll speak to anyone.

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It wasn't something we really rushed in to. It was, I guess on the one hand I was sort of, confident in one sense and a bit apprehensive in the other, just because I think there's quite a lot of pressure and expectation placed on sort of sexual performance and things like that. And obviously it's your first time, and it's a bit I guess, like driving a car or doing anything, you never quite know what's going to happen. 

So I was quite anxious but that's part of the excitement as well, so I suppose, I think I was fairly confident, probably as confident as could be expected, given the situation.

I mean I think, certainly amongst guys and I guess probably with girls as well, I think there's a lot of conversation whereby if you do sleep with someone and sort of make it known to people, then the first questions are always sort of, 'How was it, was it good'.  

And so I suppose there's that sense that if you do sleep with someone and people find out, are they going to be sort of passing it round amongst friends and sort of wondering were you any good and that sort of thing and so I think there's a sort of emphasis placed on that.

I was very scared. I was quiet and I didn't move and I was nervous. So, I think that's what it's like for everybody, people said like, people say the more sexual partners you have the better you get at it, but I don't think that's necessarily true. I think the more you practice maybe with the same partner you'll get better at it. 

You don't have to sleep with 10, 15 different people to be an expert in bed. And if you can, if you know how to have, your body likes things, if you know how to... you know within yourself how you like things while you're having sex, it's easier for you to show someone else, like your partner, so you can experience things together, learn things together as a couple .

Yeah definitely, they 'cos they don't want a woman to say that they were crap or they didn't last long, so yeah. Of course, that's why a lot of, that's why apparently a lot of boys drink and then take drugs to prolong their, their, before they ejaculate. So they, they'll try and make their performance a lot better, so at a lot of the time they'll say,  'Oh it was 'cos I was drunk', they've got excuses for if they have sex and while they do it and I think that.

Boys are under a lot of pressure to last long in bed. But it not about lasting long, it's how you make the person feel but obviously they're conscience about that and they're always conscience about their body and the size of their penis. But that's, that's for girls as well, girls worry about their breasts, about their bum, about their thighs, I think it works both ways.  

I do honestly think that you kind of just laid there and you just thought 'well, give it a couple of minutes, it'll be over'. You didn't really feel that you had to do anything. I think a lot of it you put down to 'is my bust big enough and have I got a fat bum and is he going to think that my stomach's flat enough?'  I think it is more body image with girls, if they're worried that they don't look right.

Or one thing when we were girls that came up and that was like 'do we all look the same down there?  It will be ugly down there and do we all look different and how much hair should we have down there and how much shouldn't we?'  I think with girls it's more body image than anything else.  

Yes, for me it was more, and for most of my friends, it was more the physical aspect.  'oh my god, someone's going to see me without my clothes on', It was shock, horror.  So that was more scary than anything else. We didn't feel that we had to do amazing things and perform.  

But I will say that when I lost my virginity, you'd seen sexual scenes on TV and you'd seen them in films, and you were like wow, this looks fantastic and it looks amazing.  And you have sex and you think, god that was really boring,  and where do all the noises come from, you know, who makes the noises?  And you're just too young to understand.