Interview 05

Age at interview: 25

Brief Outline: She when to a family planning clinic for the first time at the age of fourteen to get contraception. Her mum thought it was a brilliant idea.

Background: Works full time as an account manager lives with her fianc'e and they are getting married next year. She wants to have children soon after that.

Explains why she changed from the mini-pill to the Depo Provera injection.

I had erratic bleeding with the mini-pill quite severely, and I went back and discussed my options with them. And I decided upon the contraceptive injection because that, it kind of seemed the only possibility that was suited to me and basically what I needed and what I felt comfortable with. So I went on the injection when I was 18.

Okay, and how long did you keep using the injection?

I'm still on the injection now.

So you have been for 5 years?

Yes, 5 years is a long time, a long time.

Any problems?

I'm extremely happy with the injection, extremely happy. I've had no headaches, no major problems.  

Thinks people learn from their own mistakes about one night stands.

I think again, if you're careful and use contraception and you use a condom then I can't really see anything wrong with it as long as you both know it's a one-night stand. I mean I've had a few one-night stands myself so it's very easy. You're in a club, you get talking to someone and you have a massive party back at his house and one of your friends goes with one of his friends and it just happens, it's quite normal. 

I don't think it's very good for you, It can be a bit emotionally tiring as well, especially if you like him and you think 'oh I'll go out on a date with him properly next week' and it just never happens.

Okay, so emotionally it could have that effect?

Yes, emotionally it's not very good for you but I think everyone has to have a one-night stand or two one-night stands to not do it again. I think you learn from your mistakes, yes.

Describes how the possibility of having a STI placed strain on her relationship.

I did experience before Christmas some problems with stomach pain and erratic bleeding and I went back to the clinic and explained this to them and they said have I got a new partner?  And I was like, well no I've been with my fiance for about a year so they were quite happy and '

So when I was having a few problems I got quite concerned and it upset my partner as well because he was seeing that I was getting concerned and worried. And it was effecting our sexual relationship because I was experiencing pain during intercourse so it wasn't pleasant.  

So I went back and saw one of the nurses. I had some tests done for Syphilis, Chlamydia and a general smear test as well just to check and get everything checked to make sure I didn't have a sexual transmitted disease, which was quite scary. I had the tests done, my fiance was outside in the car, got in the car, I was quite upset, I explained to him that because of the symptoms that I was having that they presumed that it was very possible that I did have an infection.  

So I talked to him about it, he was a bit shocked and he said 'well there's nothing wrong with me' and I said 'well I might have something wrong with me and I'm going to have to wait for the test results to come back and maybe it's a good idea if you go and get some tests done as well'.  So he went the next day to a sexual health clinic and had the same tests done as me, which wasn't very pleasant for him. But it was hard; it needed to be done because then we both were in the same situation of have I got something? Has he got something?  

We sat down a couple of days later because the subject kept on coming up and we were having arguments and he was saying that I'd been unfaithful and I've given him something and it's not from him so it was obvious that it was me. We had arguments about all sorts. We also, we sat down and we said this is silly, we need to talk to about this properly and we asked each other about how many sexual partners we have had and what methods of protection had we used. 

And I explained to him that I had so many sexual partners and I've always been on the Pill or on the injection. But on top of that I've always used condoms as another form of protection to look out for myself because I've always been quite clued up on sexual diseases and how they are transmitted so I've always been very, very careful.  

When I spoke to my partner he had less sexual partners than me but he hadn't been as careful as I had. So he then realised that it could also be him that's giving me something. So we kind of both felt guilty and I was blaming him and he was blaming me.  It was very difficult but it helped talking to him. I couldn't have not told him that it is possible that I had an STD because being in a relationship it wouldn't have been fair if I'd been carrying something and given it to him. And he would have been none the wiser. So we got everything sorted out, I got my results back.

It didn't take too long, it wasn't too long. I waited 10 days for one set of results to come back and they came back clear. So I phoned him at work and told him. And it was a great relief because we kind of presumed that if mine came back clear for Syphilis and Chlamydia then his should be clear as well. He got his results back a couple of days after mine and his were clear. And then I got my smear test through 2 weeks before Christmas and that was clear as well.  

But it was a great weight off our minds but we still should have, I feel we still should have discussed that in the begin

Describes erratic bleeding and pain while on the Depo Provera injection and how symptoms improved after she changed to Noristerat.

I did experience before Christmas some problems with stomach pain and erratic bleeding and I went back to the clinic and explained this to them and they said have I got a new partner?  And I was like, well no I've been with my fiance for about year so they were quite happy and '

They changed my injection, I went on the progesterone only injection. So I used to be on Depo and now I'm on Noristerat and '

Okay, and how long have you been on the new one?

I've been on the new one now, they put me on that shortly after I went back to the Family Planning clinic with my clear results. I went back and they suggested that I go on to the Noristerat so it's been for about 4 months now.

Was anxious about going to the Family Planning Clinic (Brook) as a 14 year old but thought they were very good.

Oh yes, they were absolutely fantastic, they were brilliant. They went through everything with me. Any questions I had they answered, you know, any information they gave me.  

I didn't feel intimidated, I felt very comfortable. I thought 'oh no, they're going to think I'm really young and what's a 14 year old doing in here' but as I was sitting in the waiting room there were other girls that seemed my age. You know, it was the vast majority of age groups and ranges there so I didn't feel so bad, they made me feel very comfortable.

Okay, so you got that support?

Yes, I got the support from there. After I'd been prescribed the contraceptive Pill I went home and I said to my Mum in the kitchen, I said 'Mum, I've gone on to the Pill' and she seemed a bit shocked and then we sat down and had a Mum and daughter conversation.  And I said 'I've made a terrible mistake, Mum, I've lost my virginity' and she was very upset.  

But I said 'I don't want to fall pregnant so I've gone on to the Pill' and she thought it was a fantastic idea because she had me when she was 16 so she was quite young as well.  And she'd had 6 children and I think she thought, 'yes it's a good idea'.

Her attitude has changed to having children now that she is in a settled relationship

My ideal has changed a few times but not particularly any age, but I wasn't really interested in children a couple of years ago, I just thought they were annoying. But I met my partner, fell in love, everything kind of fell into place.  

 

We got engaged, we're getting married and children just seem more appealing and I'm getting very broody. But I'll be about 26 by the time I have my first one. So I think it's kind of the right age, I think I'm mature enough and I've had my fun, I've had too much fun. So yes, it would be a nice age, definitely.

Compares sex within a relationship to sex in one night stands or casual sex.

It's not even the same. When you have a one-night stand it's just a quick fumble and it's all over and it's just, basically just sex. And then you go and have a shower, put your clothes on, thank you very much and a kind of quick kiss and I'll call you next week and then you go home.  

But with a relationship it's completely different, there's a lot more time involved, it's very loving, it's very emotional. You don't look at it like 'yes, I'm going to have sex now' it's kind just pleasing each other, it's nice, it's comfortable. You're together, you fall asleep together, it's much nicer and it's completely different.  

It doesn't even seem like the same thing. Sex in a relationship and sex on a one-night stand; it isn't the same at all, it's completely different.

And physically, there is a difference between the two?

Oh yes. A one-night stand you don't know each other. You don't know what each other likes and after a few drinks you don't care. But in a long-term relationship it's very different. You get to know each other a bit more intimately and you're a lot more open with each other and what you like and what you don't like. And you're just there to sort of please the other person so it's very different. It's much more satisfying in a relationship than it is on a one-night stand.

Explains that under the influence of alcohol young people have a false sense of security.

I mean, it was always in the back of my mind, you know, panic don't get pregnant and don't catch Aids were the two main things. So after quite a few drinks you know, you feel a bit 'oh well, I won't catch Aids, I won't get pregnant, I'm too drunk, I'll be fine'. Your judgement goes quite a lot, it can sway you quite a lot and like I said to you, that I always, I had condoms in my purse. 

If I was even too drunk to think 'oh I can't be bothered, I'm too drunk to get them out of my bag' then they were in my bra so that was even more, that was a warning of hey I'm going to have sex now, I should get these out. But I think when people do that, I don't know if it's because, I think a lot of people think 'it's not me, I won't catch anything, that's impossible'. Or, I don't do drugs and he doesn't do drugs, no we haven't got Aids. 

I think they kind of think that they're never going to catch anything and they're okay. And under alcohol their judgement is definitely swayed so it just makes it easier to not think about using anything. And I think that because the morning-after Pill, you can just pick it up from your local chemist as well, I think, I'm not generalising and saying that more people make more mistakes now because it's so easy.  

I think there is less pregnancies because you can just go to your chemist and pick the morning-after Pill afterwards but I think that people take more risks, almost. I mean there were a lot of programmes, you know, when I was in my late teens, a lot of programmes on the TV about Aids and HIV and a lot of campaigns and it struck fear into your hearts and you thought 'oh my God, I'm going to catch Aids if I sleep with someone without using condoms'.  But now I don't really see it that much.

Explains that her and her friends concerns and anxieties had to do with body image rather than performance.

I do honestly think that you kind of just laid there and you just thought 'well, give it a couple of minutes, it'll be over'. You didn't really feel that you had to do anything. I think a lot of it you put down to 'is my bust big enough and have I got a fat bum and is he going to think that my stomach's flat enough?'  I think it is more body image with girls, if they're worried that they don't look right.

Or one thing when we were girls that came up and that was like 'do we all look the same down there?  It will be ugly down there and do we all look different and how much hair should we have down there and how much shouldn't we?'  I think with girls it's more body image than anything else.  

Yes, for me it was more, and for most of my friends, it was more the physical aspect.  'oh my god, someone's going to see me without my clothes on', It was shock, horror.  So that was more scary than anything else. We didn't feel that we had to do amazing things and perform.  

But I will say that when I lost my virginity, you'd seen sexual scenes on TV and you'd seen them in films, and you were like wow, this looks fantastic and it looks amazing.  And you have sex and you think, god that was really boring,  and where do all the noises come from, you know, who makes the noises?  And you're just too young to understand.