Lara

Lara discussed organ donation registration with her husband.

Yeah. So, it was my husband Gareth, and he had a bleed on the brain and a book on the brain.

And fortunately, they try and operate, but unfortunately, you know, it got to, it kept bleeding in his head.

So unfortunately, I think they classed at his brain death then, so he was, yeah. And he was in intensive care for a couple of days.

And obviously this brought on the talk about organ donation.

I did remember, because Gareth renewed his driving license and, he said, oh, just check this form for me.

So I checked him, he said, oh, I said, you’ve put down that you want to be an organ donor.

And he said, well, yeah, that, you know, that’s fine.

And I said, all right, okay. He said, yeah, he said, he said, what of people Gareth had just said, and, we can have what they want when I’ve gone.

So, yeah, so that when obviously they started talking to me about it at the hospital, when Gareth was in intensive care, Gareth’s parents were there as well, and I did remember him saying that.

And, you know, that we’d had, we had had a bit of very brief discussion about it.

I did remember him saying that.

So, yeah, so I kind of had a bit of a heads up on it in a way.

Wouldn’t say that made it any easier, but I knew that’s what he said he wanted to happen.

So it, you know, it did help a little bit in that, you know, that very difficult time to say that we’d had that conversation really.

Lara talks about the importance of discussing organ donation.

Yeah, looking back, I think, I really think that, that it’s worth definitely having a conversation with, with somebody and saying, you know, if something does happen and I’m able to donate my organs, this is, you know, this is kind of, this is what I want to happen.

And for you both to have that discussion, I mean, obviously there’s all different sorts of scenarios, isn’t there, that people in relationships, but for you to have that discussion say, and you know, this is, this is what I want, and for your next of kin to be aware of that, then that, that would make that process to me a lot, a lot easier to get your head around.

Lara discusses being told her husband was not going to survive, and being moved to intensive care.

So it, it kind of the, when Gareth got really ill, it was just one night and it was like, oh really?

Well, it wasn’t out the blue. He had not been, he’d had a really bad headache for quite a while, and then it just got really poorly one night.

And, rushed in hospital, anyway, through various conversations at the hospital that obviously said he was having this brain, got a blood clot in his brain.

So, then they said he was going for emergency surgery and that I would get a phone call, just to let us know how he was.

Anyway, the phone call was to say unfortunately, he hadn’t made it through the operation and he wasn’t gonna survive, but we could go and see him, and so he was in, initially he was in like the recovery room of the operating theater.

So quite a lot of the family went, um, to see him and my sons as well. And, yeah, it was, it, it was awful to be honest. Because it was just obviously on a ventilator and in this room and all like attached to all the wires and everything. And obviously my boys and, you know, absolutely devastated as was I and Gary’s parents and his sister.

So, you know, we just spent a bit of time talking to the doctors and what had happened. And anyway, they said they were waiting for him to go to intensive care and so then the next day they said, you know, obviously it was in intensive care. And that was, um, that’s, yeah, it was quite harrowing really, because the, when you see somebody in intensive care, they kind of look just like they’re asleep really.

And you kind of think, oh, well, you know, is there a chance he is gonna recover? And although they did say it, you know, it’s not, he’s not gonna recover. But it was just, yeah, it’s, and there’s obviously other people around which are very, who are very poorly. So that’s another sort of traumatic thing to obviously your loved one, but there’s also other people in there that are very ill.

But he, yeah, it was just, it is all the machines and obviously he had, because he’d had a brain operation, he had other big like scar on his head and he had like staples in his head and it was just quite… Yeah, it was horrific, really.

But you’re just in a state of shock really when you, you know, you’re gonna see somebody in a hospital and they’re there and you just think, oh, it’s just, it’s just awful. And you’re trying to sort of process what’s going on and what’s happened and yeah, it’s just, you know, all I did was I talked to him because they said, I said, we’ll be able to hear what I’m saying, and they said, yeah, that you might apparently last thing to go, I think somebody’s here.

So I just talked to him and I just said, no, don’t worry, I’ll look. You know, me and the boys will be all right. And, yeah, just talked to him and so I told him I loved him and, and, so yeah, it was a really, a very, very awful time.

But then obviously we started talking about the organ donation as well, and that sort of followed on from that. But probably didn’t remember, don’t remember a lot about what, or I’ve tried to blank it out because it was, you know, I was in shock greatly.

And obviously I’d got my boys, you know, I had to think about not just myself and just them coming to, to terms with what happened to their dad and they were, you know, it was a lot for them to take, you know, to really understand.

And yeah, that was it. Intensive care is, it’s, not a nice place to see your loved one at all.

Lara is introduced to organ donation and the overwhelming nature of the organ donation conversation.

So, yeah. So it was after you’d been taken to intensive care, there was, is it a specialist donation?

Organ donation nurse took us into a side dream and obviously said, told, which I knew was who the Gareth had requested to donate his organs.

And he just, Gareth’s mum and dad were there, so he started going through like, a questionnaire things, you know, he did explain it well, and explained, you know, the process, but then it, he was talking about obviously what parts of his body that we wanted to, for him to donate.

So they just went through a list of things, you know, ranging from his eyes. I can’t remember what they said now, corneas or something like that. Just would you, are you happy for us to take this? You happy for us to take that?

And you know, you feel, yeah, it’s just thinking back, you know, you just, I was just numb and I just kind of didn’t really take on board properly what they were saying. And yeah, it’s to say, you know, to say you can take this from the person who’s the most important person in your life to say, oh yeah, you can take this, you can take that. And having to decide what, you know, what you’re happy and not happy for them to take when you are in that sort of state of shock is, yeah, it, it just made me, made me feel quite sick, really, a bit like you were saying, it was okay for to, you know, chop his body up, really.

So it, as much as I understood why, and I know that some, you know, people did benefit from that, and it did give you a bit of thinking that that’s probably what Gareth would’ve wanted. That he would’ve wanted to help somebody. But I think it was just. I can’t believe I’m, I’m sort of saying this to this person that, oh yeah, you can have that, you can have this, you can have that.

And yeah, it was not a nice experience to have to say that, to say that you can take these bits out of his body. I just went through the motions, I think of just saying yes and no.

Obviously it did help that Gareth’s parents were there as well, so they could have their input on what I was saying.

But, yeah, it’s not nice to have that. To think that parts of him and I thought, and I kind of thought at the time, I thought ‘is he definitely dead?’, because at that point, they hadn’t done all, they said they had to do tests to check that there was no sign, you know, there was no sign of life.

I knew that they had done that at that point, and I thought, well, what if he shows a sign of life and I’m having this conversation?

So yeah, it, that’s the horrible, horrible thing to have to go through for anybody.

Lara talks about what could make it easier, registering, and how confused the soft system is.

If, I don’t know, because obviously with I knew, I know I was aware.

Obviously with organ donation there’s like a time limit. I think they’ve got to take the organs. I mean, I don’t know ins and outs of it very well, but, um, I think to make it easier, maybe rather than having to question the family when, you know, at time when you just in shock and you know, just going through so full time.

I don’t know. Something that would’ve made it easier is if, you know, the person who was donating the organs. I don’t know if they can do this now or not, but it’s like so you know, in advance what they want to donate. So you’re not having to go through this questionnaire of almost like, um, I don’t know, it’s probably difficult, but to, I’ve got together as a family, you know, if it’s possible to sort of say if anything happens to me, you know, I’m happy for this to be taken, that to be taken.

So in a, as much as you can’t, you know, somebody that passes away could be any circumstances, but if it’s the circumstances where you can donate, rather than like happened with me going through the questionnaire of what, what you can, what you’re happy for them to take from this person, for that person, to have already said, you know, if something happens to me and I can donate, then I’m happy. You know, these are the things I’m happy to, for you to have. And that for it all, you know, for them. But if it does happen then to say, you know, that yeah, I remember, or we’ve got a copy or something of saying, yeah, well, you know, Gareth said, you know, just to remind you Gareth said about this, and that you say, oh yeah, yeah, I remember that. And rather than having to go through all the, that paperwork and the asking those questions when you can’t, just can’t think straight.

So I think that would make it a bit easier and kind of, you kind of feel a little bit, I felt a little bit rushed into making a decision and I, as much as I know we’d had that conversation, I did feel a bit that I had to, you know, just there and then say yes or no rather than giving a little bit of time to sort of get my head round.

It really, because I mean, to be honest, when I was reading, when you scheduled this meeting today, I was reading about organ donation and I wasn’t aware that you just, although somebody can say they’re going to donate their organs, if the, you know, the family of the, the, you know, the final saying it Well that I wasn’t really aware of that.

I just thought, well, I didn’t know. I kind of wasn’t. So, you know, as they said to me, you know, as much she was, sorry, I dunno if I’m making sense, but he’s not, he is an organ donor, but, you know, if it doesn’t, if you don’t feel that’s right, then, you know, we don’t have to do it. And, you know, that’s the end of it.

So I think that thinking back, that’s how I felt a little bit. I didn’t have that time to process what it all meant, and it was just very quickly.

Lara introduces herself and her husband Gary.

My name’s Lara, and I live with my son’s, got two boys and yeah, we’re, you know, we’re adjusting to life with without Gareth.

And it’s, it’s difficult, but, you know, I’m proud of my boys and they’re doing well and you know, I’m trying my best just to, you know, being on my, on my own’s difficult, but, you know, I’m getting there.

Lucky that my mum and dad are nearby, my parents are nearby. So I’ve got good, good support network around me, and I’ve got a two cats, so yeah, life’s, life’s as good as it can be without Gareth at the moment.

Yeah, we’re doing all right.

Lara discusses the benefits of organ donation.

He donated his, he donated his kidneys and I did get a letter through saying that he’d, there’d been two people had benefited from it. And that, and these people have been on dialysis for quite a long time.

So, yeah, that, it was, it was good to know that as much as the sadness of losing, losing him, that, you know, it is nice to know that somebody, you know, has, you know, benefited from it and it’s, you know, it’s like living on through him really. So yeah. And I think that, I think from memory that they, took his corners as well.

So yeah, that’s kind of the story of that donation.

Lara discusses how families feel about their loved one being a potential organ donor.

I’m trying to think how I, it felt really, it felt a bit like, it was like, I don’t want this to sound like I’m being uncaring or anything, but it was like, ‘oh, good we’ve got an organ donor’. And it was like, but, and I know, and I know that that’s really important. I know for people who are really poorly and everything, I totally understand that. But I thought, no, that’s my, you know, that’s my Gareth and, and yeah. And I just thought, you’ve not actually told me that he’s died yet.

And I’m having a conversation about him and they were saying, oh, would you like, oh, they brought in this blanket, which I thought was really weird, like this purple blanket. Like he’d got like this medal, you know? And, and I was like, oh, could you want put this blanket on him? I thought, well, no, he would’ve hated that. He would have hated it. But that was just, and I thought, oh, does this mean like he’s special because I don’t know, I’m not being awful about, I know that’s for somebody. It’s like totally life changing, but when it’s your loved one and the, you know, and you, I think, well, yeah, I just, in hindsight, I just wish there had that more time to, to process it all really. And you know, I just felt, ’cause we’re in shock. I just, I did just go along with it, but I knew, I knew,

But that it did help a little bit with Gareth and I having a conversation. So, but I, I just think I’ve said, look, I feel like I don’t know if I’ve come across pro alright. Or not, or I’ve answered Yeah. I thought, yeah, it was like he was, I dunno, special, which he was special to me anyway and to the family, so, but I don’t think we needed a blanket to confirm that. So yeah.