Organ donation

We’ve met him [liver recipient] once. Yeah, we have. We met, I think it’s about two years after Rick died. And we’d written regular and talked and I’d wrote about Rick’s children and what [my younger daughter] had been going through as well.

And then I just got a letter asking if it would be a possibility of, he’d be quite willing to meet and say hello, and see how he’s doing and vice versa. And so we did that, again through our co-ordinators [specialist nurses]. He came along with his, and I went along with mine.

Co-ordinator?

Yeah, with our co-ordinators. And so it wasn’t just you in the room, it was the co-ordinators as well. And you could ask questions. I asked silly questions like, you know, did he like a certain type of food, or did he notice things after he got Rick’s liver because it was kind of, like you’re wondering if there’s any traits, because you’ve got somebody’s organ. You know, have they passed on, oh you hear lots of stories about people taking on the other people’s mannerisms and maybe likes and dislikes.

Yeah. So then had you seen any pictures of him and,

Yeah, he’d sent photographs in the letters of him and his family. His Mum and sister and his nephews and I’d done the same. And I’d sent him a photograph of Rick. I’ve still got them.

How did you feel about the first meeting?

I was kind of, it was a bit you know, because you’re like, and then it’s like you have, you want to do it. But then you’re worried of how emotional you’ll get. And you had visions of him looking like him. I know it sounds a bit crazy, but it’s because they’ve got a piece of someone and you’re looking for kind of traits in them. And oh you know if they say, “Oh well I like so and so,” “Oh well Rick used to like that.” And things like that, so it gives you a great comfort.
 

We have actually met the recipients of Martin’s liver twice. The first time was incredibly emotional for all of us, and then the second time we met on TV and, again, that has helped me because instead of some anonymous person, he’s a real person and Martin is to him.

He told me he was absolutely shocked to find out that his life saving operation was due to the death of a young child. But, as I said to him and his wife at the time, whatever decision we’d made would not have changed what happened, and therefore I’m really glad that he’s doing so well. And we often hear from him. We always hear from him near the anniversary of Martin’s death, which is really nice.

Before we met him I was terrified. It was such a good idea at the time. We met through one of the newspapers who wanted to run an article on covering a donor family, then a co-ordinator, then the surgeon and the recipient. And we were asked to become involved in this. And it was going to be just an interview each. And then when we were interviewed we were asked would we actually consider meeting in front of a camera.

Was this you and your husband?

Yes, this was me and my husband. And so we agreed, no I think I agreed. And it was all organised and I know the day before I was thinking, “Why did I agree to this? What have I done?” We met in front of a video camera but away from each other to start with, and had an interview and then we actually met together at their house. We went to their house and spent the whole day with them, which was fantastic.


Yeah. And is there any message you would give to anyone who is thinking of meeting up, or any tips? Any way of preparing for that or there is absolutely no way?

I don’t think you can prepare for meeting the recipient of your loved one’s organ because it is just such an emotional time. I think you’ve got to really want to do it. And you’ve got to know that you’re strong enough at that time to do it, not do it too soon, both sides have got to want to do it.
 

About a week or so after he [son] died, I had a letter from the mother of one of the recipients, saying how grateful she was. And so I wrote back to her and said I’d love to meet her daughter, but only if her daughter was happy enough to do it, because I could realise what a terrible strain that might be.

And I suppose about, we spoke several times on the phone and then about six months later I drove to [place name] to meet her. Absolutely delightful young lady, absolutely delightful. She was then busy doing her BA in social sciences. She had the most delightful boyfriend and one of the magazines, I can’t remember now which one, did a little article on her. And then when she qualified, I think it was the Daily Telegraph did a big spread on her as well, which was lovely, yes.

And also the lady that had his liver, it was her second liver transplant. She’d never been very well from the first one, and she has been doing again absolutely brilliantly. And I’ve only met her the once because she lives in [place name] and I was living in [place name] at the time and it’s a bit of a trek up. And she’s doing brilliantly as well.

And I’ve had a letter from a gentleman who had one of his kidneys, and he’s overjoyed because he’s got two grandchildren now. He’s now fit enough to play football with. I haven’t heard from him for several years, but obviously all was going well there.

You mentioned you also went on television. Was that a bit later?

Yes, I suppose a couple of months, six months later, something like that, yes. We had a call from ‘Richard and Judy’ [TV programme hosts], and then [recipients’ name] and I went up. And there’d been some stupid American article about the recipient taking on the characteristics of the donor. Which of course he had to bring up and [Recipient 1] shot him down. She was not a sporty sort. She likes walking and that sort of thing, but not team games and that sort of thing.

So you were both on?

 We were both on together yes. And then on the ‘This Morning’ programme and I met [Recipient 2], who had had Lyall’s liver. And then ‘Kilroy’ [TV programme].