Life-changing injuries

And there was a weird thing that happened actually about six months later. I kind of sort of became depressed all over again. I thought because of something so revelatory having happened to me, I should have been able to make incredible changes to my life, and I should have been achieving a lot, and I should have been a much better person. Essentially I was probably being self-critical because I suddenly thought, why haven’t you done so much? Why has nothing changed? And it’s funny because I know of one person that I used to work with who had been through a really serious operation who actually said the same thing on a work night out one night, not realising that the person sitting next to her had experienced exactly the same thing. And, although I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to reveal what happened to me, I did almost feel like saying, “I recognise this because I have been through the same thing, basically”. I don’t know you kind of think, okay, I should be able to do so much. I should be able to help so many people because of what’s happened to you. You kind of feel this desperate need sometimes to give something back or to, I don’t know, just to, just to have a real focus to your life. 

You hear about these wonderful people who see things are awful and then go and do something about it, you know, run the London Marathon to raise money or whatever it might be. I never actually did anything. My way of doing something was to do as much as I could with Jamie. Not as any kind of hero because he has minders who look after him. But he would come over here for instance for the day. I’d take him out. We used to go down the coast. I took him to the cinema, the theatre, you know, out for a posh meal. I took him for a meal several times to the Dorchester, posh hotel in London, because it kind of boosts his confidence, makes him feel he’s part of the world. 

I feel quite strongly about this. When the river, I cycle along the river tow path and a lot of parents are with their children on cycles, you know, cycling along a busy tow path. And I’ve noticed often the kids on their bikes with their parents will go to their right as they are coming towards me, which is suicide if you’re doing that on a road. I really am nervous that children are not learning to keep left on roads. Anyway, so as an old git, whenever I’m cycling on the river path and I see a child – particularly a child; I don’t say this to grownups – if I see a child coming towards me on their right, i.e. coming headlong towards me. I say, “Go to the left.” And I often then find parents staring at me you know, being rude to their child.