Amy and Chris Y

Brief Outline:

2 years ago their 13 year old son, William, sustained burns to his legs and feet when he accidentally spilled a pan of boiling water over himself whilst cooking. William was interviewed with his parents (Link to profile).

Background:

Amy is 47 years old and is a tax manager. Chris is 50 years old and works in I.T. They are married and live with their children. Their ethnicity is White British.

More about me...

Amy's story

Whilst she was at work one day, Amy received a phone call from her daughter to tell her that her 13 year old son, William, has burned himself at home whilst cooking. William had been cooking pasta and accidentally knocked over the pan of boiling water which spilled onto his legs and feet. Amy left work and travelled home to see “a whole load of people” in her back garden, surrounding her son. An ambulance had been called and Amy travelled with William to their local hospital, before they were transferred to a specialist burns unit.

The specialist burns unit was around an hour and a half drive away from the family home. Amy spoke about how the staff at the burns unit were very understanding about this and offered the family a flat in the relative accommodation units.

Amy stayed with William for the three nights that he was an inpatient at the burns unit. She spoke about how traumatic it was for her as a parent to witness her son having the unhealthy tissue from his burn removed, known as debridement. Amy said her son needed to be put on a drip and given IV fluids (intravenous fluids) to replace the fluids his body had lost because of the burn. She said she did not realise how much liquid the body can lose after a burn injury and this shocked her.

Amy spoke about how the facilities at the burns hospital made the situation easier. She recalled how there was a memorial garden for patients to enjoy within the hospital grounds and where William and his brother would sit in the sun. Amy said that this was a “nice memory” of the hospital. Amy also spoke about how an accommodating nurse brought her son a portable TV and DVD player to help distract him from the pain he was experiencing. “If anything can fix a teenage lad, it’s being able to watch films back-to-back in your bed”.

Though Amy was grateful for the support William, who has autism, received from the wider community once he was discharged from hospital, she began to notice that people were more accommodating and accepting of her son after his burn. Amy shared how school had been a challenging time for William and he did not always receive the support he needed for his autism which was a more “invisible illness”. Amy believes that “you shouldn’t have to go through a life-changing event to get the support that you would need anyway”.

Amy shared how a strategy which has helped William to acknowledge how much he has recovered was to take photos of his burns at different stages and then look back of them and reflect. She said this helped them to understand how far they had come since the “early days”. Amy’s advice to parents in a similar situation to her is to “not blame yourself because accidents happen”.

Chris’s Story

Chris was at home with his children when his 13 year old son, William, sustained burns injuries whilst cooking. William was in the kitchen cooking pasta, when he accidentally knocked a pan of boiling water off the kitchen worktop and burned his legs and feet. Chris recalls hearing William screaming. He ran into the kitchen to provide immediate first-aid. Chris used a garden hose to apply cool, running water to William’s burns. An ambulance was called and William was taken to hospital. Chris looked after the other children whilst William’s Mum travelled alongside him in the ambulance. Later that day William was transferred to a specialist burns hospital.

Chris spoke about the difficulties of visiting his son in hospital because of how far away it was from the family home. It took Chris around an hour and a half to drive to the specialist burns hospital. He says this was a challenging time because he was in a city he was unfamiliar with. Chris had also never visited the hospital before so finding his way around was stressful.

Chris spoke about how there was a financial impact of visiting his son in hospital and attending further outpatient appointments. Financial practicalities such as paying for car parking and fuel costs were things that Chris said he did not have time to consider and believes that this could be a challenge for some families. He thinks it would have been helpful if he had been given practical advice by hospital staff, such as buying a cost-effective 7-day car parking ticket instead of a daily ticket, and would have eased some of the stress his family were experiencing.

Chris also said his family would have benefited from some advice about discharge from hospital. He would have appreciated hospital staff asking him questions to make sure he had considered the challenges of William returning home. Travelling in a car, for example, was difficult because William could not bend his legs, and this was something Chris had not thought of.

One of Chris’ key memories of visiting William, which sticks in his mind, was watching his son have his dressings changed. Chris remembers the smell of William’s burns being very distinctive and this he describes as ‘quite nasty’. In order to fight the infection, Chris says his son’s burns were dressed with silver dressings and this helped his body to heal quicker.

Chris spoke to a psychologist after William was burned as he was struggling with feelings of guilt. He found talking through his feelings helpful and was able to accept that it had been an accident.

William was interviewed with his parents.

Chris Y’s son was burnt by boiling water. He’s found that other people have been “questioning” when he’s told them what happened.

So,William was preparing dinner for the three children, which he’d done many, many times before. Pasta was one of his things he made quite regularly. So, it wasn’t... it wasn’t a new activity, it wasn’t something he was unsure about, he had done it many times before. And I was just sat working, he was making dinner and then just this... you could only describe as a... just a house-shattering scream and he had... I jumped up to see what he had done, and he was stood in the middle of the kitchen with all the pasta all over the floor, just... And really unable to actually even interact and tell us what he had done.

And interestingly, the... On that kind of front, people were more questioning of the fact that we’d let him cook. Not that he was cooking but, “Oh you let, you let the kids cook?” It’s like, yeah, it’s … what’s he going to do when he goes to university? Just eat beans out of a tin? You know – no, of course he cooks. He’s been cooking for years.

Amy said that witnessing her son’s burns being debrided was “traumatic”.

Amy: Yes. I would say, probably the most traumatic thing and Chris missed that bit, they call it debriding and it basically takes all the blisters off, and I never knew that you could lose so much liquid from your body, because actually William, one of the first things they did was hook William up to a drip, to start replacing fluids. But they basically take all of the blisters and the gunk away and then they dress over the top.

Chris: So, when I saw him on the Saturday morning, he was lying in his bed and all of his dressings were wet and that was just all of his fluids coming out of him, because he basically didn’t have the protective layer of skin on the top and whatever they were putting into him was coming out. And the thing that stuck in my mind about that was the smell. And it’s not a pleasant smell. It’s really quite a nasty, sweaty kind of, don’t know how to describe it, but it’s a, it’s kind of, almost oily stuff comes out of you when you kind of damage yourself that badly.

Chris Y’s son, William, had silver dressings to help his infected burn to heal.

And the other thing that I learnt about burns was actually they smell. And they smell-, and if you get an infection in them, they smell really bad. And William unfortunately did get infected and it was only when we mentioned it to the staff and they said “Ah, ok, right we need to look at this” and then they changed what they were dressing him with and they tried, he had been dressed with, some new bandages that contain a lot of silver and these had managed, they were effectively fighting the infection from the outside whilst William’s body was fighting it from the inside. And it was that that kept him fairly-, it enabled him to start healing but he was still having to fight this infection off as well, which was quite disgusting when they peeled the bandages off, and all this goo and stuff is coming out of them and it’s like “Oooh that’s really quite nasty.”

When Chris Y and Amy’s son, William, was discharged from hospital, they were instructed to give him paracetamol and ibuprofen. He was still in a lot of pain so they were prescribed morphine as well.

Amy: So, we could ring up and... So, we got discharged without pain relief, which with hindsight, I should have requested it, I think, down there, but they said... We were instructed to give him ibuprofen and paracetamol alternated, or something. So, we had a chart set up and it was fine, but we knew, we could tell... So, the first night where he cried with pain during the night, it was like, ‘We need some better painkillers', because he’s crying with pain, it kept the other two awake and they were really upset about it and there was... and actually, watching him cry when there was nothing more than you can give him was really hard. And then, when he was still in so much pain a couple of days later and we went back for the dressing change, they gave him... we got prescribed morphine to take home, Oramorph, so that we could give him that pain relief if he needed it, which kind of meant he could settle down.

Chris Y and Amy told us that they found the “practical aftercare” of a burn to be difficult.

Chris: Yeah, so he wasn’t in that long really, he was in the three nights, out on the Monday. So, he did it on the Friday, he was out on the Monday… [Inaudible] …With, bandaged from his waist down really. Both legs and both feet and we were having to make arrangements for, uh, moving his bed so that he could actually get into bed. We were having to rearrange furniture so we could get him somewhere to sleep.

Amy: He has a cabin bed so he wouldn’t, he couldn’t climb the steps to it. So, there was a lot of practicalities around that.

Chris: Yeah, that was what I was just about to say was actually, the one thing that you don’t consider is how much more time any of this stuff takes.  So, if you’re thinking 'Ok we need to go out, it takes me 10 minutes.' No, it doesn’t, it takes half an hour because now you’re having to move somebody around the house who has limited mobility because of his bandages, because of his injuries and then 'Oh, how do we get him into the car?' It was actually a moment of debate when we took him home when he was discharged: how do we get him into the car so we could bring him home, because he can’t bend.

Do you think that more consideration should have been given to practical aftercare?

Amy: I think probably more raising that these might potentially be issues. Because, obviously, you’re trying to think in the hospital, and we’d obviously worked out that his bed would be an issue and we’d taken steps to do that. But actually, you kind of need to go through the logistics of everything. Like, all the normal stuff, so the going to the toilet and things and I mean, it would have been, fortunately, we have a toilet upstairs and a toilet downstairs – we’re very lucky – but um, some places you wouldn’t have that. So, just the logistics of if you were, if we only had a downstairs loo, just getting down to the downstairs loo to go to the loo in the night, or something.

Chris Y and Amy thought virtual appointments were far easier than in-person appointments.

Chris: Actually, I have to say, it was far easier to do it remotely like that, than it was to spend, you know… It was a question of getting William into the right place, we took his pictures, I e-mailed them down to the burns-, to the scar clinic, the doctor reviewed them, we had a conversation the following day and then we talked to him six months later. It was, compared to having to take three hours out of your, you know, three hours of driving, an hour at the hospital, the extra hour to go and get William, to take him to school, all the admin of getting him out of school – it was actually far easier.

Amy: And they were very quick, because we were seeing him then every three months at the time and they were very quick to put their virtual stuff in place.

Chris: Yeah.

Amy: I think they just changed the appointment to a virtual one. So, it must have been March, April-time and I think maybe they said “Oh, we’ll see you, we’ll maybe see you in person next”. This was before anybody knew how long it was all going to go on for, our "three-week lockdown", and we commented that actually it was really, it was a lot easier, and they would facilitate that anyway, virtually, they said. So, it was kind of good. It was harder to remember appointments.

Chris: So yeah, that was the only thing is, remembering appointments rather than having to take the day off to go and get it. And the only other thing to say about that is that I do photography as one of my hobbies, so I have kit to do it. Whereas, if you didn’t, you’re taking… And I think sending it down to the scar clinic, and they were happy with what I’d sent them and it wasn’t then “Oh, can you take this or can you take that, can we have that shot, can we have that shot?” I went “Ok, I’ve seen you do it, I can do it myself, I can send you the photographs, tell me what else you need, and we’ll make it happen.”

Amy: And because of Covid, William was at home as well, otherwise we’d have been taking him out of school to have a 10 minute phone conversation. So, it kind of worked because everyone was home together.

Amy and Chris highlighted “the logistics of everything” they had to consider when their son was first burnt and discharged from hospital, including the longer term impacts.

Amy: Because, obviously, you’re trying to think in the hospital and… We’d obviously worked out that his bed would be an issue and we’d taken steps to do that, but actually, you kind of need, need to go through the logistics of everything. Like, all the normal stuff, so the going to the toilet and things and… I mean, it would have been… Fortunately, we have a toilet upstairs and a toilet downstairs – we’re very lucky – but some places you wouldn’t have that. So, just the logistics of if you were, if we only had a downstairs loo, just getting down to the downstairs loo to go to the loo in the night, or something.

Chris: His legs, which are now swollen and twice the size because they’re covered in bandages, and it’s like 'Ok…', so we now found… I think I ended up bringing your shoes down, didn’t we?

Amy: Yes.

Chris: Because it’s like ‘Ok, so we need shoes that are now so many times so many sizes bigger than his own because of his bandages.’ Just because of his bandages. And there’s all those kinds of practical things that you, you wouldn’t even think about.

Amy and Chris Y encountered some problems when trying to claim back money for cancelled activities.

Chris: And on the financial front, yes, we were … there was no issue with us taking the time, there was no issues with paying for the parking and so on but, actually, there was a whole load of grief and stress and aggravation of ringing up all the clubs that William was booked into, to explain that he wasn’t coming because he’s actually in hospital with 8 degree-, 8 percent burns. And some of them were really, really good, it’s like ‘Yeah, don’t worry about it, we’ll reschedule it for another time, just let us know when you want to do it.’ Others were quite painful getting the money out of them that we’d paid them.

Amy: It was a scouting activity and they had to put an insurance claim in. It was six months for the insurance to pay out.

Chris: And then, you know, if we’d have been in a different position that could’ve actually been quite a quite significant amount of money that we were sat waiting on coming back.

Amy: And we didn’t have to, we didn’t have to because we could juggle work round and both work from home, if necessary, we didn’t have to pay out for additional childcare.

Amy and Chris Y said that it was “a big step” when their son, William, was able to cook pasta again after he sustained a scald.

Chris: And he, you know, he cooks now. He makes lunches for all three of them when they’re going to school. He cooks-, we try and get all of them to cook at least once a week.

Amy: He cooks pasta. That was a big step when he managed to cook pasta again.

Chris: Big step, and he was like “Yeah, I’ll cook but I’m not cooking pasta.” Fine, well, we’ll work on that.

Chris Y and Amy were worried that their son would feel self-conscious about his burns in the future.

Chris: One of the things that you asked William earlier – does this affect him and what his outlook is – you know, one of the things he didn’t mention was what happens when he does decide he’s into girls, or into boys, it doesn’t matter. You know, how is that going to affect his appearance? Is he going to be bothered by it then? It’s not come up now because he’s not interested. But he’s 15, he’s not got to that point in life but, you know, it will come. Is that going to be another set of conversations we need to have with the hospital? Is that conversations we need to have with William? It’s certainly conversations he’s going to have with whatever, whatever prospective partner he’s going to have.

Is this a concern that you have, as his parents?

Amy: Yeah, I think, that he might suddenly-

Chris: Become, he might suddenly become very conscious of it. At the moment, it’s not an issue but he might suddenly become really conscious of it and actually, you know, it then affects his outlook on life or affects how he goes about-

Amy: He likes swimming, so I wouldn’t, we wouldn’t want it to put him off swimming because of what other people might think.

Chris Y and Amy said they felt guilt in different ways after their son, William, was burnt.

Amy: I think I found it harder, especially in the early days, because it was the guilt, because he was cooking dinner for his siblings and that’s like a parent role. Even though he’d done it and it’s part of life skills and the fact that I was at work, and I wasn’t at home, not that things would have been any different and, actually, if I’d been home and not Chris, I don’t think I would have got water onto him quite as quickly. But, yeah, I think it was the guilt and wondering whether people are judging you for actually you’ve made …

Chris: And interestingly, the, on that kind of front, people were more questioning of the fact that we’d let him cook. Not that he was cooking but “Oh you let, you let the kids cook?” It’s like “Yeah, what’s he going to do when he goes to university? Just eat beans out of a tin?” You know, no, of course he cooks. He’s been cooking for years.

Chris: I think probably one of the hardest things for me was everybody telling me that his burns wouldn’t have been so bad, weren’t as bad as they could have been because I’d got to him. And actually, tempering that with the fact that I was sat in the living room, and he was doing the work. And so that guilt of “I could have been doing that and then he wouldn’t have got burned.”

Amy: The guilt thing we have different, we have the same guilt but in different ways and Chris got to hear the screaming, I got to see the debriding bit, yeah, we just saw different sides of what was happening and…

Chris: Another shared experience, isn’t it?