Interview 34

Age at interview: 22

Brief Outline: She is a volunteer in a sexual health project for young people in an inner city area. (Played by an actor)

Background: Works full time in the administrative sector and lives with her parents. She describes herself as ethnically mixed and she and her boyfriend have been together for five years. (Played by an actor)

Recognises that sex in a relationship implies a sense of vulnerability. (Actor)

(The accompanying video and audio clips are played by an actor)

Okay how important do you see sex to a relationship?

I think it's really important. As I said before you know it's a way of being intimate and showing that you know and care for that person. You know you're getting so vulnerable to let, you're in that state and you know you want to pleasure them, they want to pleasure you, it's a nice feeling. 

I think a lot of that tends to be missed when you come to one night stands, there's not, there's not that feeling about, it's just the urgency to get what you want and then leave.

Talks about the 'first time' she had sex with her boyfriend who was a virgin. (Actor)

(The accompanying video and audio clips are played by an actor)

I'd given him a massage before to calm him down and stuff like that, I never got undressed. I did, I did get undressed but I didn't get naked. I changed from what I was wearing, the party clothes, into like a slip without him seeing miraculously but you know I managed to do that.

And it was, you know it was a good evening, it was very sore because it was his first time and he kept slipping in and out and we didn't have any lubrication or anything like that but you know he enjoyed it. Apart from me not being able to walk down the stairs because I was very sore. 

I just remember being so sore and him coming down like a couple of hours later because I'd gone back downstairs and him saying to me "Can we do it again?" and me thinking bugger off do it again I'm bloody sore, I don't think so.  So I just remember him saying you know "Maybe later," and wandering off.

But again the morning was really awkward, I mean he treated it, he didn't know what to do because this was his first experience and he went home and I'm sitting there thinking well have I done the wrong thing, I've just had sex with this person, he's walked off like you know he don't really care. 

I thought oh right well you know I've just gone and spoiled you know whatever that was there, but it turned out he was just too nervous and didn't know what to do next, but it's been fine since then.

Thinks that much more information needs to be disseminated through schools. (Actor)

(The accompanying video and audio clips are played by an actor)

I don't think there's nearly enough information for young people really. I mean as much as there are all these organisations, you know, that help you know, give information about sex and stuff like that there needs to be far much more information.  

I mean, I feel in a minority, I feel okay what I know is a little but young people just seem to know far less than that and it's just really sad.

What do you think is the best way to give information to young people?

I think more information needs to go into schools, not telling, not, I mean I don't think you need to sit there telling people about you know, how we make babies because they know that. I think they need to know the nitty gritty about sex, what you know the repercussions are of sex.  

That yeah, it's like fun and you know go ahead, but you know go and be safe and do it.  And you know there just needs to be far more clinics open at sort of more accessible hours, at weekends, evenings, outreach work going to schools, going to youth clubs, showing people condoms and other methods of contraception and explaining what other methods of contraception are, I mean generally explaining and more free condoms. 

I mean you go into a sexual health clinic and they always give you these really boring condoms, it's always extra safe or the flavoured condoms which are really boring.  You know condoms are really boring, people don't like to use them because they like, desensitise you, they don't feel as good. And there are condoms on the market that do feel good.

Explains why it is important to discuss the possibility of another sexual partner and the need to be safe.

(The accompanying video and audio clips are played by an actor)

But we've also discussed you know things, like because I've said to him I get really concerned that you know okay you're with me now, at the moment and I don't mind not using a condom and going onto the pill but other people might say 'I'm on the pill' or you know they're fine and all stuff like that and it's so easy to catch things. 

You know you need to get back into the flow of putting a condom straight on. And he's gradually getting used to it. I think I'm just bullying him into doing it now

So the risk involves not just for him but also you?

He wouldn't sleep with someone while I was going out with him, I'm one hundred percent on that, absolutely certain. I mean recently we just split up and he has gone and slept with someone else since then which you know, I was devastated as it is you know, we'd only just split up and he's gone and done that, I was more concerned about whether he had used a condom. 

He said "Yes I've used a condom," and I said you know, "what about oral sex?" "Yes I've used a condom for oral sex". I said "Okay but what about oral sex with her?"  "No I haven't done that"  "Okay fair enough".  

You know but I did feel like you know mother superior telling him that you know you've got to do this and that'

I sit here thinking well why put yourself at risk, why catch something nasty that's going to make you itch or smell, that you're going to pass onto other people, I mean something's aren't curable. I mean the fact that some things are not curable why on earth would you want to go and put yourself at that risk?  

But you know okay, condoms are fine but it does, I mean okay it does feel better without a condom but you know, only do it when you know that you're safe and you know you're not going to be at risk at all.

Explains that there are a variety of condoms available in the market and that in comparison free...

(The accompanying video and audio clips are played by an actor)

I mean you go into a sexual health clinic and like they always give you really boring condoms, I mean it's always the extra safe or the flavoured condoms, which are really boring. You know condoms are really boring, people don't like using them because they desensitise you, they don't feel as good. And there are condoms on the market that do feel good.

There are, you can get these Performance, is it, I don't know if it's Performance or Performa condom which would delay your man so you know that sex lasts a little bit longer. I mean I find the Inspiral condom you get from Boots is brilliant, it's got, it's got like spring loaded and it's got a big tip so you know it doesn't feel, for a man I can imagine it doesn't feel like you're all squeezed in. 

You've got the Advantix, Advantee is it? The condom which again you know it's quite thin and you know it's got a big head on it. And you know, the condoms are too expensive, I mean you go into a chemist and you don't want to be paying five quid for like a packet of condoms

I mean okay fair enough sexual health clinics you know, they can't afford to be buying those types of fancy condoms, you can understand that, but I mean, you know at the end of the day the Government need to be putting that incentive out there, you know condoms are cheap, you can just go and pick them up for a fraction of the price and you know. If it's there then you're going to use it.

Experienced side effects on the mini pill and changed to the contraceptive injection.

Which pill are you on?
 
It was the mini pill I started taking but everyone was saying that I was getting really grumpy and stuff like that and I wasn't too sure, I didn't notice any changes in myself and if it had been I thought that I was just being the same as what I was usually.  So I stopped taking that and went on the depo jabs because it's meant it be a lower dose of the pill but you don't have to keep taking it. 
 
Okay and it was your decision to change from the pill to the depo or someone else, a health professional suggested it to you?
 
I was using, no it was my decision, I was using the pill, the mini pill and yeah I just, my decision, I just read up on it. You know you get leaflets and I just thought I went in and asked my GP about it and that was it.