Interview 25

Age at interview: 20

Brief Outline:

He thinks that friendship and sharing common interests are important elements in a relationship.

Background:

He is a student living in shared accommodation in a house located in an inner city. He does not mind being alone and prefers to wait for someone special.

Is uncertain about his sexual identity.

It's not discussed that much really, I think it's glossed over a lot, but I think it takes quite a lot of time for people to really come to terms with that as well, certainly with the people I went to school with and also I suppose me to some extent.   

I'm still not completely sure I suppose about my sexual identity and I think it, I think it's got a lot longer gestation than just being a teenage thing so I suppose in some respects there's kind of a reason why it's not that dealt with, but yeah it's a funny one because I think as tolerant as the world seems to be you know, gay and all that, they're still used as a huge insult really, especially in playground climes.

I mean it's a few years since I've been at school but there was definitely a culture of that, almost a sort of fear of it I think, so yeah I don't think it is really dealt with as openly as it possibly should be.

So at one level there is more talk about sex rather than sort of sexual identity?

Yeah definitely, sex is an act that's almost quite scientific it seems, almost like a biology class or something, so you know what's involved and know how to avoid things and all those kind of things. In terms of the construct that goes around that, no I didn't really find that was discussed and it's all very much geared up as well towards a kind of heterosexual family sort of unit, environment I suppose really, so anything that would stray from that isn't really discussed that much I suppose.

Says that it is important for him to find a companion rather than just someone to have sex with.

I think part of my character is to be really, really choosy I think and things, and I don't really see, I'm very conscious of quite how many compromises you kind of really have to make to be part of those relationships and I think, for me I would only be happy really making those compromises if I thought it was going to be worth while, and I haven't really met anyone who sort of blows me away enough really.

I'm kind of happy enough on my own and yeah, unless something really sensational was to come along I don't really feel an urge to go out and grab that.

Not really, I think everyone's aware just because I don't really, yeah because I haven't really kissed anyone I think in the last five years really, just haven't really. So yeah, I do discuss it every now and then and every now and then it gets a little bit lonely because it would be nice to have a partner in crime more than anything so we could go off and do things really, but I think that's what I feel I'm missing more than the sex side of it really.

It's the companionship?

Yeah I think it's just the companionship really yeah, I'm not really too fussed, I think I just haven't had too much sex maybe.

How important do you think is sex to a relationship?

Well, to me, I can really say, not very but I think I might be a little wrong in that - discussing it certainly with friends they rate it incredibly highly but I really think more than anything that I just want someone who I share interest and share time with and I want to go and do things, but I don't know, it's a funny one because inevitably the only thing I suppose that makes a friendship into a relationship is the sex bit so I suppose that bit of it has got to be important.