Self-harm: Parents' experiences
Going to the GP about self-harm
When parents and carers realise that a young person is harming themselves or having mental health problems they often seek support through their general practitioner (GP). The GP can refer them for further health service care if necessary. Some of the people we spoke to found their doctor very helpful, but others had mixed experiences.
GPs were praised by several parents and carers. Liz’s GP was ‘just lovely’; Pat and Jo both thought their GPs were ‘fantastic’. ‘I can’t stress enough that your first port of call has to be your GP and you have to get a GP that’ll listen to you,’ Audrey told us. ‘You have to get a GP that will sympathise, and want to be able to help you’. She described her husband’s current doctor as ‘phenomenal’.
Pat is very pleased with the service his daughter received from the GP.
Pat is very pleased with the service his daughter received from the GP.
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We haven’t been back since we went in but he was absolutely fantastic. We phoned, somebody advised us to phone and say, “Can we come in?” “Yep.” We walked in and they said, “Two seconds, don’t take a seat.” And I hadn’t even said who I was. He came out and took us in, even though there were other people there, and I think we were with him forty five minutes. We are very, very lucky in that he is fantastic anyway, absolutely fantastic, magnificent bedside manner, absolutely cares but he was fantastic. I do think he did ask to see [my daughter] again in about a month, which will have passed, but, at the time, I don’t think I was taking in any more information but I certainly left there thinking we could always go back.
But I would never bother him with how I felt, I’ve got to be honest. But he was fantastic, couldn’t have couldn’t have wanted more. I was, with the pressure they’re under and it’s always in the news and, “Oh god, I phoned in November for an appointment and got one in July.” They were waiting on us literally. They made no drama, no fuss, we didn’t feel odd and we just went straight in and I did say to her, I said, “You have got people waiting.” “Don’t worry.” He said, “There’s other doctors on. Don’t worry.”
And it was first class, absolutely first class, not a qualm there at all. You could say, well, perhaps he should have phoned us up as the month has gone by but we have to stop being a nanny state, at some point, don’t we. You know, I haven’t felt the need to take [my daughter] back there.
Audrey and her husband’s current GP is a ‘superstar’. He listened and didn’t make judgements.
Audrey and her husband’s current GP is a ‘superstar’. He listened and didn’t make judgements.
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Sometimes the young person themselves decided to consult the GP. Dot’s teenage daughter went independently to her doctor, who advised her to tell her mother about her self-harm. Dot said ‘the GP must have been brilliant’ as her daughter was then able to talk about her problems. Bernadette felt excluded because her son was old enough to see the GP as an adult and wouldn’t let Bernadette go in with him.
Parents were not always satisfied with GPs' decisions about involving mental health services for their children. Charles had reservations about this: the doctor was ‘so concerned with his [Charles’s son’s] mental state that she, without reference to us, which is something we rather disagree with, referred him to the crisis centre of CAMHS [Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service].’ By contrast when Susan Y asked her doctor to refer her daughter to CAMHS he refused because he didn’t think she was mentally ill. Alexis was told by her GP that he couldn’t prescribe medication for her 16 year-old daughter, but the waiting list for psychiatric treatment was very long. He gave Alexis contact details for an expensive private psychiatrist. Jane Z had a ‘very good sort of old male GP, very bluff and practical’, who said it was too early to go down the CAMHS route and advised in-school counselling instead. Jane thought this was the right decision.
A few parents talked about unfortunate encounters with GPs. Although Jane S’s doctors were usually helpful she thought they were ‘completely stumped’ by her daughter. Susan Y felt her GP ‘had absolutely no idea about young people’.
Jane S’s daughter felt she had been ‘dismissed’ by the GP and Jane felt ‘shut out of the process’.
Jane S’s daughter felt she had been ‘dismissed’ by the GP and Jane felt ‘shut out of the process’.
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So, equally, she found it very distressing that she had given her just a lot of photocopies about anger and anger management and, as she said, you know, she wasn’t angry. She’s not an angry person. She wasn’t self-harming out of anger. She was, it was far more complex than that and she felt she was dismissed really.
Susan Y’s GP told her daughter to ‘grow up’ and refused to refer her to CAMHS.
Susan Y’s GP told her daughter to ‘grow up’ and refused to refer her to CAMHS.
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When Debbie first took her daughter to the doctor he said it was ‘just a phase’. Later her treatment was delayed because of confusion about his referral.
When Debbie first took her daughter to the doctor he said it was ‘just a phase’. Later her treatment was delayed because of confusion about his referral.
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And then by Christmas, she’d lost a massive amount of weight and she started looking really ill and I said to her, “This isn’t right.” I went to the GP and said, “I want her referred. I’m not happy with what’s going on.” At that point, the OCD and the self-harm was linked as well. I could see them two were linking and he said he’d put a referral in.
It got to February two thousand and twelve, she’d now lost three stone and she was fainting and I went back to the GP and said, “I haven’t heard anything. I’d read on websites that eating disorders should be seen quite quickly in mental health services and I’ve not heard.” He said, “I’ll put another referral in.” He put another referral in and, at that point, I just wrote to the MP and said, “Look, I’m watching my daughter die. You’ve got to help me.” I wrote the letter and within four days, the CAMH service phoned me up and she said, “I’m really sorry but your GP put the referral in wrong. He put it in as OCD and didn’t mention the eating disorder, which is why she was at the bottom of the list.” I said, “No, it’s the eating disorder.”
The first GP Erica saw was unhelpful, but the second was ‘amazing’.
The first GP Erica saw was unhelpful, but the second was ‘amazing’.
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Well, yeah, it was our GP who first spotted that she was depressed. Well, when I first took her took her to a doctor, we saw a GP twice and both times he said, “It’s her age. She’ll grow out of it.” And I can sort of understand that but actually, I was very cross by the end of it because I didn’t feel that he actually listened.
The other GP that we saw, who was actually the GP we’re registered with because, you know, we’re registered with a health centre so we happened to see somebody but I then went to see somebody else, who I’d seen myself before, and she said, “I think you’re depressed so you need counselling.”
But, by then, it was too late because it was a few days before she overdosed.
Yes.
And but she was fantastic because when, apparently, she was rung up when my daughter was in intensive care to be told what happened and I was told that she was quite shocked, shocked silence at the other end. When she was discharged by the hospital, the GP rang me and said, you know, “Come and see me.” So I made an appointment but that was the day that she was then admitted to the inpatient unit and she called me again, having received a fax from the inpatient unit [sniffs]. And she was amazing, she’s been amazing throughout.
To me and to my daughter.
Susan Z was disappointed with her doctor’s response to her daughter, but pleased that the doctor arranged for them to see a counsellor.
Susan Z was disappointed with her doctor’s response to her daughter, but pleased that the doctor arranged for them to see a counsellor.
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And I was very disappointed when, as was she, with the response of the doctor. I think I got the impression that the doctor was, well, I know this doctor is particularly good with dealing with people with depression. She’s been really good with my neighbour, who had who had problems, and she spotted it and she helped her and she did a really good job. But her response with my daughter, was just to tell her off. She just said, “Oh, you mustn’t do that. You mustn’t cut yourself. You know, you’re going to leave scars and when you get older, you, how do you think you’ll feel about that?” And I know [my daughter] was absolutely furious. Yes. I know my daughter was really furious about that.
Yes.
And but she did organise for us to go and speak to a counsellor so we all went along to to that and she seemed very good and [my daughter], my daughter felt, my daughter seemed quite comfortable with that.
Jane Z was pleased her daughter trusted her new GP enough to talk to her, but she still felt the system didn't offer help when her daughter most needed it.
Jane Z was pleased her daughter trusted her new GP enough to talk to her, but she still felt the system didn't offer help when her daughter most needed it.
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Yes.
Which was the right route. When things came up again a little bit later, he’d retired and there was a young male GP who, again was very good, and he sort of said, “Look, you know, do come and see me.” But, it is this business of there has to be a trusting relationship, and, you know, young people don’t see their GPs very often, and GPs aren’t in the community the way they used to be.
Yes, yeah.
So, you don’t just go and knock on the door and say, which you did when we were younger, you know, the GP was just always about. You saw them didn’t you?
So, from that point of view, I suppose the GP just wasn’t familiar enough, or accessible enough, from that point of view. We needed, for her to do the Africa trip, to get a medical physician’s release form.
So, we did, actually, have to go to see the GP, and, obviously, my daughter was quite, was focused on going on the trip, at that stage, so there was a reason to go and do that. And we had a chat with a lady GP, who was absolutely brilliant. Because I thought, I’m going to go in here, she’s going to say, “Oh yeah, I’ll sign that. That’s fine. Off you go.” She hadn’t, and she’d actually, looked back over all of the notes before we went in. She’d looked at all of the copy correspondence that had been going on, and she just looked at [my daughter], and she said, “Blimey, this sounds like a good trip, so tell me about it.” And, we were in there for fifteen, twenty minutes. She spent time with her, and, just talked her through it, because, of course, my first impulse was, she’s never going to sign this form. And, she just sort of said, “Look, if you think you can do this, then that’s fine.” And, at that stage, I was trying to think in terms of booting the CAMHS bit as far away as possible, and I just sort of said to her, “Look, you know, one of the things that we’re really struggling with, is that we need somebody that [my daughter] can talk to.”
“If she feels that she wants to come back to you, and, and just talk things through again, is that okay?” And she said, “Absolutely, anytime.”
Great, yes.
And coming away, sort of said to my daughter, “Well, you know, what do you think? Do you think she is somebody you could talk to?” And she said, “Yeah, maybe.” Which actually was a, you know, off the top of the scale reaction, at that stage. So that, is, something, which is a kind of a fledgling
Yes.
Relationship, but again, she’s only available when you get an appointment. She’s only available, you know, restricted times a day, when my daughter is probably supposed to be at school. It’s just, it’s like the sort of the, all of the warnings that they gave us when we first went to CAMHS, it’s only there at a particular time, not necessarily when you need it.
And that’s what we need, is somebody who, you know, is there when you need it, just to off load, and say, “Look, I’m feeling really bad.” And they can respond immediately, and just say, “Yeah, and look, I’m thinking of you. We’ll talk properly in the morning.”
Last reviewed December 2017.
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