Self-harm: Parents' experiences
Family history of mental health problems
Mental health problems are common in the general population. A history of mental illness in the family, especially depression, can contribute to self-harm in young people, and this featured strongly in the accounts parents gave us. Wendy saw what she thought of as depression in her adopted daughter's birth mother and said 'I think it's hereditary.' Alexis suggested that, although there may have been links between her family history of depression and her daughter's self-harming, she preferred to focus on the present rather than speculate about the past.
Tracy, her mother and grandmother have all suffered from depression.
Tracy, her mother and grandmother have all suffered from depression.
SHOW TEXT VERSION
PRINT TRANSCRIPT
I think it’s just a clinical, it’s a, it is a clinical thing that was with my grandmother, was with my mother and is obviously, with me, possibly has been passed on.
And how did you know about it in your grandmother and your mother? How did that, what was your experience of that?
Well, I saw it. I witnessed it, you know, and I saw, I’ve seen my mother in very, a very, very depressed state actually. She was unhappy sometimes during my childhood but that was, again, to make the distinction that wasn’t necessarily depression. Later on, in her adult life, she found, she just became I think overwhelmed sometimes by her own emotions and by things that were happening in life. And again, perhaps because of her make-up had a predisposition where in other people it may not cause depression but in my grandmother and my mother and certainly me would cause depression because it becomes, yeah, overwhelming.
Philip talked about a 'genetic predisposition' to depressive illness in his son.
Philip talked about a 'genetic predisposition' to depressive illness in his son.
SHOW TEXT VERSION
PRINT TRANSCRIPT
I think
Issues?
I think, unfortunately, it looks as though this may be a genetic predisposition, which my son has inherited the worst of. My wife, I think, is mildly depressive but not very much so. Her mother was diagnosed with depression in her old age. My father has clearly suffered. My brother is receiving very similar medication to me.
My sister was very depressed for oh, five, maybe ten years but it but she found someone to marry, who she’s still with. They’re happily retired in South West France, lucky things, and that seems to that seems to have given her a balance and she can she can deal with things. But her, both her sons have talked of depression. My brother’s eldest I think isn’t a sufferer but his two girls are.
Mental health problems in past family members had not always been diagnosed or discussed. Some of the people we talked to mentioned family suicides but often they did not know specific details and in some families the subject was difficult to talk about. A family history of suicide and self-harm is known to be associated with self-harming behaviour*.
People in Joanna's family did not talk about mental illness.
People in Joanna's family did not talk about mental illness.
SHOW TEXT VERSION
PRINT TRANSCRIPT
I don’t know because my ex-husband’s mum died before I met him and I was given a polished version of her death but the family gossip says otherwise, that was a suicide and she suffered from depression for a while. So I cannot confirm.
But a possibility, yes…?
There is a possibility.
Yes.
Yes.
Plus I come from family, where those things were completely, didn’t exist. You did not talk about it. Very kind of different mind set. You just get on with it.
Yes. Yes.
So when I suffered from post-natal depression, in this country and my family was in another country, I didn’t have much help because I couldn’t speak to my mum about it.
Some parents talked about similarities in character and personality between their children who were self-harming and close relatives who had had mental health problems. Dot said that her daughter's grandmother (on her father's side) had a history of mental health problems and that her daughter 'certainly takes after her in nature and in looks.' Nicky thought her ex-husband had undiagnosed borderline personality disorder and she could see similar traits in her daughter.
Nicky could see similarities between her ex-husband’s behaviour and her daughter’s.
Nicky could see similarities between her ex-husband’s behaviour and her daughter’s.
SHOW TEXT VERSION
PRINT TRANSCRIPT
Yeah, yeah, yeah, unfortunately, we’re all rife with it I think. There’s, well, what is it, one in, one in four is they reckon? Yes, my mother was an alcoholic. She had a nervous breakdown when I was thirteen and suffered with suffered with some elements of coping with life and her alcoholism until she died when I was, she died when I was thirty one.
So I kind of grew up with it, which was not very pleasant. My ex-husband has been diagnosed as various things but both my daughter and her CPN think he’s probably an undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. I would agree with that, having lived with my daughter I think that’s probably it, and having lived with him for a lot of years, I think that’s a fairly accurate description. But a lot of her behaviours are very reminiscent of his. His, I think there was something quite seriously wrong with his mother but I’m not a professional and I wouldn’t like to diagnose it.
When Vicki read on the internet that a history of mental illness in the family can be a contributory factor towards self-harm she made the connection between her mother's alcoholism, her sister's depression, her older son's anxiety and her daughter's self-harm (though she also noted a more direct and more recent influence from an abusive online relationship – see ‘What parents and carers think are the reasons for self-harm’). On the other hand, Vicki felt that because there had been so much mental illness in their family they were 'quite used to dealing with it.'
Vicki learnt from dealing with her mum that getting upset about people and begging them to make changes doesn’t work.
Vicki learnt from dealing with her mum that getting upset about people and begging them to make changes doesn’t work.
SHOW TEXT VERSION
PRINT TRANSCRIPT
Let me think - anyone else who’s had, yeah, my sister, she’s had depression. My brother’s had anger management. Her eldest brother, who’s a doctor, he’s had CBT for anxiety. So there there’s lots of cases of it in our in our family so yeah, we’re quite we’re quite used to dealing with it I suppose now.
So you’re, there’s a practical kind of benefit from...
Yeah, there is.
That in a sense, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
And before I asked you the question, did you make those connections yourself in your head about family experiences and what’s happening to your daughter?
Yeah, definitely, especially after reading on the website that a history of mental illness in the family can also be a factor towards self-harming but we’ve never had actually, we’ve never had a self-harmer, apart from like my mum who was alcoholic, no, we’ve never had a self-harmer.
Yeah.
And I suppose possibly my brother with the anger management I know that I’ve also read that that boys sometimes don’t get diagnosed as self-harm because they will punch things and hurt themselves and it’s not really perceived as self-harm but that, I know my brother definitely did that. And he would he actually broke his hand and busted it up once just through sheer, sheer punching the walls and things. So I kind of classify that as a kind of self-harm too.
* Family history of suicidal behaviour: prevalence and significance in deliberate self-harm patients.
Hawton K, Haw C, Houston K, Townsend E.
Acta Psychiatr Scand. 2002 Nov;106(5):387-93.
Last reviewed December 2017.
Last updated December 2017.
Copyright © 2024 University of Oxford. All rights reserved.