Interview 22

Age at interview: 74

Age at diagnosis: 72

Brief Outline:

Diagnosed with prostate cancer 1998, watchful waiting.

Admits that in some ways he blames himself for the cancer.

So how do you feel in yourself now about the whole situation?

Well I basically I come from a strange family where we blame ourselves for being, having some illness and there's always been... I mean it's your fault if you're ill. And I try to think back, when it started I racked my brains saying 'Where, what have I done wrong to do this, what have I done?'And it's like high blood pressure, I have slightly high blood pressure but not bad, I mean it's pretty controlled for my age. I take pills but I take a minimum dose, one pill a day and I've taken this for 20 years and I've always said 'Why should I have high blood pressure?' I mean I'm not fat, I'm not obese, yes I've got a slight paunch but that's my age you get a slight paunch, most people do unless you have a rigorous fitness programme but I don't have a fitness programme at all.

So why do you think you blame yourself for illness?

Oh that's a sort of I would say... that is the slightly Prussian tradition, I'm an immigrant here, I'm very happy here and I don't feel like a Prussian but just some of these upbringing things stay with you. And it's always been a slightly embarrassing to be ill and you shouldn't be ill and my children are the same, they feel annoyed and I don't think I instilled this into them but it must be sort of in the family background. I mean it's passed on verbally of course and not by attitudes, it's [self-blame] not inherited.
 

Concludes that he would not recommend the test and regretted doing it himself.

So summing up your view of this PSA test, can you sum up how you feel about the PSA test?

Well you put the right question, I mean basically I wish I hadn't known.

So really you would have preferred never to have had the PSA test?

Yes, yes.

You wish you hadn't known?

Yes, I would have happily lived on in ignorance...

What about younger men, say aged about 50, would you recommend a test for him or not?

I wouldn't recommend it either.

Highlights the pressure from his consultant and wife to not continue with watchful waiting.

I was very upset in London when the biopsy was done because the consultant said 'I operate on you right away.' Now I had read up things meanwhile and I was terrified of either incontinence or well lack of sex.

I saw this consultant who had done this biopsy, under whose direction it was done, in fact he had directed himself and he was insistent that he would operate on me and I was really upset. He said 'I've done 400 of these and only 10% go wrong,' [laughs] and I said 'Yes but I, I don't want to be 1 of the 10%.'

My wife kept pestering me in a very nice way that I should think about it and my children, well they live in different countries apart from one in London, one in Scotland and the others are phoning me up every month and saying 'How is it going dad?' even 2 years later and it's very sweet but I don't really appreciate that very much.