Prostate Cancer

I went back to my consultant and then they try you on Viagra, Cialis, injections, there’s a whole host of things that you can try to get your erection back, because the reason you don’t have an erection, because there’s nerve damage when they remove your prostate that can’t be avoided, they just try and minimise the nerve damage, but there will be nerve damage, and you will lose the function for a period of time but the nerves apparently, they heal very, very slowly, nerves heal very slowly, and he, sort of tried to reassure me that you know, I’d probably get the erection back after maybe four years, you know, I was thinking, four years, I mean, that’s like a lifetime, so in the meantime you can try different things, and yeah, that was very difficult, and very difficult for my wife, yeah, but because she’s so supportive and so caring it was less difficult than it might be.

You got your diagnosis, and you were looking on the internet, what sources of information on the internet did you, get?

Well there, there are problems, the nerve sparing, the nerve sparing worked, but quite obviously, I have to be, I have to be fairly open about this, you no longer ejaculate, which may or may not be an issue of itself, but I do not, while I can get an erection, I, it is non-orgasmic, that has bothered me, it has bothered me, mainly because, for about, well once I was able, for a short period after I was able, post-op, it was orgasmic, but only for a short period. Now they don’t talk to you too much about that, even when you ask in the hospital, so, my interpretation, and it’s my interpretation, it’s not a medical interpretation, is that something survived the operation, which died shortly afterwards, and I’ve only recently, I’ve only recently discovered, talking to one of the, not the doctor, but one of the support nurses, I couldn’t tell you her title, who gave me a bit of a surprise whenever she said that the nerves which control orgasm and the nerves which control erection, are a different set of nerves, now, I have not gone into that, because all of a sudden it says, well, are they separate, were they treated separately, I didn’t want to go there, because at the end of the day, there’s nothing going to be able to be done about it, the doctor did his best in the operation, and if a set of nerves died as a consequence, that was a risk you were running, that was the risk, and you knew that risk, it wasn’t as if you weren’t told, you knew and that was part of your decision.

The other side effect of my prostatectomy was loss of sexual function, and I think that, seemed to be more, more a problem for the people at the hospital than it was for me, I mean I’ve been married a long time, my wife and I have a very loving relationship, but I mean physically, we’re kind of not all that bothered, so neither of us felt it was a major problem, but the hospital tried me out with Cialis which is to try to increase the sexual function, and with a vacuum pump to encourage blood flow into the penis, and I was, to be honest, rather half-hearted about the whole thing and I’ve given up with all of that, now, and I think, that probably gets us up to pretty much where I am right now.

Impotence I am impotent, we are now 9 months on and things have not really changed at all. I've tried Viagra, low dose Viagra, higher dose, and it makes not the slightest, I don't notice I've taken it, nothing happens anywhere, I don't get headaches or flushing or an erection, nothing happens.

Was that easy to get from the GP?

Yes, as soon as I explained what I'd had, that was immediate, there were no quibbles at all. 

Because one person said he wasn't sure if he could ask for it so...?

No there was no problem at all, I went, well I went back and said what did he suggest, I said 'I've got this impotence, I've had this operation,' and this wasn't the doctor who originally I saw, but it was at the same practice. And he looked up my notes and said 'Yes well if you've had that operation you are certainly entitled to try Viagra and that is the thing you ought to try first.' I don't know whether I could go up to a higher dose but as it made not the slightest effect on the second dosage there seemed no point in pursuing that. We've been fairly relaxed about it, although it would be lovely to get back to normal. There is still a sensation there although you don't get the erection, it's a very strange feeling. All sort of sexual feelings and lust or whatever are exactly the same, the only difference is and it may be a fairly major one but the only difference is you don't get an erection. You even feel as if you are coming as well sometimes which is very odd without an erection but it is a very strange thing. So it's disappointing but it's not a tragedy. I've also more recently been back and said the Viagra doesn't seem to be doing very much or hasn't done a thing for me. And I have gone on to another one called Muse, I don't know what Muse, MUSE stands for, but the prospect of putting this potion up your penis with a little adapter seemed so unpleasant that I haven't used it (laughs) so I've not done it. But it's still in the fridge waiting for action.

I haven't heard about that one yet.

Oh it's, I think the idea of doing is likely to put you off having any erection anyway. It's the most, it seems a most unpleasant way of doing things, I think I'd rather just stay as I am than try the Muse. But apparently it works in a very different way and it is a liquid that is put some inches inside, you insert it inside your penis and fairly soon that ought to give you an erection if it's going to work it works quite quickly. But for me the prospect of getting it where it ought to go is so unpleasant that I can't bring myself to do it. I have tried.
 

Do you mind me asking do the hormones affect sort of sex drive at all?

Well I don't have any [laughs].

Was it the same before and after or different?

After the operation of course, no you don't lose your sexual instincts then, but since I've been taking, having this implant he did say to me 'You'll become impotent, impotent I should say,' and low and behold I have. But at 70 I'm not that worried, it hasn't altered any relationship between myself and my wife. I mean by the time we were reaching 70 it wasn't exactly the end of the world and it's just something, it just doesn't happen any more that's all. I mean you don't think about it, I mean I'm, I think our relationship is fine, we're just as affectionate as we always were but no there isn't any sexual activity.
 

Well this again it's not easy for me to talk about but I mean of course I am totally impotent and I'm even worse than that in that I am disgusted by anything sort of sexual.

Right.

If I see, and you can't avoid it on television, not explicit sex but very nearly, I'm disgusted. I think that you know this country is absolutely going down hill desperately fast. To me I have enjoyed what I hope my wife would confirm an exceedingly good sexual life no hang ups, no nothing like that. But now I think being impotent is a, you don't know it but I think it's psychologically affects you. I mean it's really got now that I am disgusted by anything at all of that nature.

How does that make you feel, would you prefer that things were different?

Yes, yes I mean I feel that I've lost all masculinity, I'm not a man any more. I mean I'm just not. I mean if I were walking along with my wife, very slowly these days, and somebody accosted her I would sort of run away. I have no masculinity left.

How does that make you feel?

Awful, I think that really, that is the worst side effect by far.

I think it's important that other men know how you feel about that.

Yes I think that is the most important thing, side effect of these injections which are always delivered well, competently, local hospital you know.

How does that make you wife feel, does it affect your relationship?

Well I wouldn't know. It's very funny women don't talk about things like that you know, I'd never ask her for fear of her, she's taken it magnificently but that worries me of course it does. I mean again I'm talking very freely, my wife's sister is in America and she and her husband came over and he said 'Oh you ought to have,' oh God what's 'Viagra, see your doctor, see your doctor.' Well I wouldn't have the nerve, I wouldn't dream of it. But that made me feel worse you know. You see she's younger than me, 9 years younger and it may be important to her, I don't know and I'd rather not ask. I mean we have enjoyed a very, very intimate life you know but (coughs) stop smoking.

Yes I can see that it must be very distressing.

No that worries me very much that you see I no longer fulfil my function as a husband you know. 

I'm sure you satisfy her in lots of other ways though.

I, well she said, 'Somebody is coming, you must hoover the hall,' I've done that while she was out.
 

After the operation, well yes it was explained that ejaculation wouldn't be the same as it had been previously. It wasn't, that was, that was extraordinary so the sexual life changed, not disastrously or anything like that but the way in which one behaves in that situation had changed in as much as there was not a complete or proper ejaculation. Instead there were a number of mini ejaculations so the whole thing of sex had changed in that direction. I would say a little of the pleasure of sex had disappeared, but that was the only side-effect. The great bonus I suppose was peeing and on the first occasion when suddenly after what obviously had been a long time the stream had been getting smaller and smaller there was a mountain stream gushing so it was quite incredible the change as far as that was concerned.