Prostate Cancer

The delays to see the consultant bothered me, I suppose also the delays in the waiting room bothered me, particularly when you're going for the results of a biopsy and you're there biting fingernails. Because we all feel this you know the word cancer scares the life out of us and you're waiting there for a half past 9 appointment and you see the specialist at quarter to 11 and I've seen them as late as 12 o clock. And all that time you're a bit frustrated with the long delay and you are sort of beginning to worry and worry and worry, well I say you, I'm speaking for my own self because some of us worry more than others. I feel quite anxious those times, what happens I do not know.

It must be awful.

Yes it bothers you because you almost regard this man as God who's going to pronounce a life or death sentence on you when you don't know. So to wait a long time for that sort of pronouncement does get you up a little bit tight. But the frustration as I say of waiting and the worry of what the guy is going to say to you when you go in.

We even got to know the other patients. And because I'm a councillor I took my councillor papers there so I was a bit introverted as regards all the others but because the others only had the usual 1948 magazines on the table you know I mean they built up a chat show between them and discussed everything from the weather to the latest political situation you know that was, it was good for them, they were never on their own and of course they were always together as it were you see. So all that was very harmonious and very nice and very quick and very efficient and I couldn't find a fault with that in any way whatsoever. And I bought them a box of chocolates when we left because it was rather, they were really good, they were a nice team.

The actual radiotherapy you just lay down, the beam is focussed and they're very precise, they mark you up with an infrared beam as it were, I'm not sure that it's infrared but at least it's a red beam, if it's infrared it would be producing heat. But they mark you up with the beam, they set you in exactly the position, they keep you very still for a period of about 2 minutes and then the radiation takes place in 3 positions. The 3 positions for the prostate to the left hand side, exactly over the middle, just up above the penis, about 3 inches up above the penis and to the right hand side. So it's quite a precise art as it were. The duration is for about 2 minutes and the only thing you do is lay there rather bored and I count the clicks. They explained that the clicks were not seconds because I try and time it but it's just clicking to say that the radiation is on. You're not completely sure whether you should be there because everybody goes outside the room, so you think what is this thing that they want to avoid that I'm having. So they go outside and they monitor you from the outside. But that, once they've set you up then the machine is automatic, it would do its 3 positions automatically, I assume automatically, I don't think they're operating it from outside. So that is a very, very precise, very technical operation that is I think particularly good.

My next effort or result with what was happening was that I was then to have a series of 27 to 30 shots of the radio therapy. This is a horrible thing to go through. First of all you have a little dot put on your tummy so that each time they can set the machine up and they can find this tattoo mark and then the machine sort of lifts itself up, you're steady and it goes round you and then clicks off. You are alone in this room but you haven't got anything to worry about because you can look through a window and see the nurses there. 

They are very, very good indeed, they are very helpful. And when you are going through this series of radiotherapy you certainly need somebody, not only with you because you won't be able to drive or anything after it, you'll have a hell of a job to even to walk 100 yards, but it goes, it goes. Also in 97 I then started going to the pain therapy doctor and this is when you start taking your pills of morphine, and other ones which you will come across in time. Another, going back to the radiotherapy it is most difficult really to explain how things are. You will be very down, everything is such an effort to do and if you're not careful you could say 'Damn it all I'm going to give up,' but don't give up, its not worth it because there's plenty left later on.