Prostate Cancer
How prostate cancer affects families
Prostate cancer and its diagnosis not only affects the person who is diagnosed but also affects their family and loved ones.
Telling loved ones about a prostate cancer diagnosis
Almost all the men we interviewed said that they had told their family about their diagnosis of prostate cancer.
Often, spouses were present at the consultation when men received the diagnosis, or they were told about their husband's diagnosis soon afterwards.
A few men said they chose not to inform certain relatives because they did not want to worry them.
Reactions of family to prostate cancer diagnosis
Family members' past experience of cancer or their knowledge of illness may affect how they react to the situation. As one man pointed out, various members of his immediate family reacted in very different ways.
Many men mentioned that their wives and children had been shocked when they heard the news, and one man said that his family 'suffered' because he did not want to discuss the situation.
Explains how he was shocked at the flood of concern from others
Explains how he was shocked at the flood of concern from others
Describes how positive his wife is.
Describes how positive his wife is.
What was the impact on the whole family at that point?
Well I kept a lot, there was only [his wife] knew and [name] is a very, very positive person because she'd been through it [she had also had an operation for breast cancer], so she was very, very positive and she, you know I didn't, I just carried on work as normal, or people thought I was normal because of my personality but inside I was, I was very upset.
Considers that it was harder for his family than himself.
Considers that it was harder for his family than himself.
I think it was hardest on my family and people around me rather than on me. I was at the centre of this, it was happening to me and I was pretty sanguine about the whole business I suppose. I felt relieved in a way that the cancer had been diagnosed early and that I would have an opportunity to treat it and recover if one can speak about cancer in that state. But my family were very, it was very difficult for them because I don't, I'm not somebody who discusses my particular complaint with anybody, I suffer alone, I don't spread it about. This was very difficult for my family I suppose.
Describes the initial shock in his family but how they are even more caring now.
Describes the initial shock in his family but how they are even more caring now.
Has it affected other relationships within the family?
No, no certainly not, except well yes it's made them more caring, it's made the younger element you know actually a bit of over-protective and I've allowed them to do that unless all this is finished but come next year I expect to take up my normal duties of mowing my grass and one thing and another. But they've lovely and they're a good family anyway but they've sort of gone over more on, since the treatment and since they found out it shook them rigid I think really because they just imagined that if anybody dad wouldn't be poorly you know I mean that's it.
Informing others can be a positive experience, both because it can help to reduce anxiety and because family members can be loving and supportive.
Effect of prostate cancer diagnosis on relationships
While some men said that relationships within the family had not changed in any way, others said that the diagnosis had altered social interaction within the family to some extent.
For example, one man reported that his brother felt embarrassed about the diagnosis and so tended to avoid all social contact with him.
Others reported that their children became 'more attentive and less demanding' once they knew about the situation. However, one man reported that his adult children 'had not really understood the implications of the diagnosis'.
Suggests that his brother has been very embarrassed by the diagnosis.
Suggests that his brother has been very embarrassed by the diagnosis.
Explains that he has not told certain family members as he does not want to worry them.
Explains that he has not told certain family members as he does not want to worry them.
I haven't told my sister, she lives in X, yes she doesn't know now. And there's family in Walsall and Staffordshire I haven't told any of those.
Do you mind explaining why you prefer not to
I don't want to worry them
You don't want to worry them?
No, no I don't want to worry them. I'm not feeling bad about this in terms of my health, sometimes I can't believe it's happening to me anyway. And if I start to unnecessarily pass that information then what would I be doing it for, would I be doing it for, in order to court sympathy from it, why would I be doing it? I can pass the information as and when I have a problem, which is obviously a problem and something else has got to happen, something else is going to happen to me. But at the moment no I don't see the need to do that.
Discusses the impact on his wife and children.
Discusses the impact on his wife and children.
Yes we told my son and daughter what I had, but I don't really think it sunk in, I just think they just thought it was dad's got some sort of a bad stomach I think, I don't really think they understood the implications of it at the time, even though they're in their 30s now my children. I don't really think, they think you're sort of invincible because you've not had much wrong with you over the years.
Men said that their wives' positive attitude had 'helped them come to terms with the diagnosis', and one man said that the news of his illness had brought him and his wife closer together.
Considers that it has brought him and his partner even closer.
Considers that it has brought him and his partner even closer.
A happy story.
Yes so it's, that's the kind of things that happen, it brings people, although we were quite close anyway you know it just brings a little edge to it you know.
Considers that it was harder for his family than himself.
Considers that it was harder for his family than himself.
I think it was hardest on my family and people around me rather than on me. I was at the centre of this, it was happening to me and I was pretty sanguine about the whole business I suppose. I felt relieved in a way that the cancer had been diagnosed early and that I would have an opportunity to treat it and recover if one can speak about cancer in that state. But my family were very, it was very difficult for them because I don't, I'm not somebody who discusses my particular complaint with anybody, I suffer alone, I don't spread it about. This was very difficult for my family I suppose.
See also ‘Living with prostate cancer’, 'How prostate cancer affects you', and 'How prostate cancer affects others'.
Last reviewed: February 2025.
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