Recurrent Vulvovaginal Thrush

It also... before I’d... I think like before I’d tried the sort of treatment, the longer courses of treatment, there was a period where I was getting thrush sort of every couple of months and then I was finding sex really painful, and then... I would like... I’d know that it was going to be painful, so I’d sort of try and avoid it, but then actually even like a week or so after the thrush flaring up, it’s still like... I would still find sex painful and it hadn’t fully gone, and then that caused me problems with then like... I think I then had a period of like a year or so where I just found sex really uncomfortable all the time, even when I didn’t have thrush, and I think that was probably in hindsight because I was like... because I’d had this experience of having sex whilst having thrush and it being really uncomfortable and then I sort of associated... like that sort of traumatised me a bit, and then I... it took me a while to like become relaxed again and... about like that being comfortable.

So, there’s anxiety lead... leading up to it, thankfully, and quite fortunately, I’m at a point where we’ve got a very kind of open communication channel where we just... we can stop at any time and it’s OK and if... if we didn’t have that... that type of intimacy for a quite a while, because of that reason, it would be fine, but I think I still carry that guilt around me that it’s because of me again that we can’t connect on that level.

But yeah... afterwards, my head is whirring, ‘do I feel any symptoms; is it getting worse; am I going to be OK; oh, I should have brought this with me so I could insert a suppository right now, just to kind of fight it.’ If I have sugar on the same day as intercourse, I’ll beat myself up over it because I’ll tell myself that I’m the reason that I’ve made it worse.

I don’t have any problems with that now, and also, I’m more like... I think I’m just more if I do have thrush, or think I might, I’m just like, ‘I’m not going to go... I’m not going to have sex,’ I’m not going to go there because I don’t want to cause any problems again, like I don’t want it to be painful and I don’t want it to be uncomfortable, whereas when I was a bit younger I was bit more like, ‘oh, it’ll be fine, like I don’t want to be the one that says no,’ you know, like... not that anyone was ever putting any pressure on me, but you just... now I’m just a bit more like, ‘oh, I’ll wait a few more days until I know the thrush has definitely gone’.

Sex life: massively, because when it’s active I won’t have sex at all, and... well, when I know it’s active, so when I’ve got the itching and the burning and the discharge, we won’t have sex because I don’t want to pass it onto him, and then it limits what you can do otherwise as well. You know if I’ve got it in my mouth, oral sex is obviously out. If I’ve got it vaginally, then oral sex for me is... is out because I wouldn’t want him to end... I know he shouldn’t end up with it in his mouth because that’s more of a supressed immune system thing, but he... he... in theory he could end up with it in his mouth, and that’s... I... I find the oral thrush harder to deal with than the vaginal thrush.

It makes me feel frustrated because I’d like to have sex and we can’t, so it makes me feel frustrated on his behalf that we’d like to have sex and we can’t.

I was on the pill so we weren’t using condoms and I think what was probably happening is that he was passing it back to me all of the time, and I was normally... and then that sort of set it up and that was the feature of every relationship that I had until I was about 27, where I would have to explain to the men I was with quite early on, “Oh, actually it’s really painful and I have thrush,” and then I would just continually have thrush, and then occasionally they would have... visibly have thrush, so a lot of my boyfriends had moments where their penis was like sore or dry or a bit flaky, and I’ve taught a lot of men about Canesten.

I did feel comfortable talking to my partner, although it’s kind... it’s kind of met with this kind of like... obviously I would have to kind of explain to him, you know, ‘oh, I’m having like another flare-up, so sorry I’m really not kind of down for like doing anything intimate with you today,’ but you’d kind of find ways to not laugh it off, but... I guess I probably didn’t portray as much like the depths of how bad it was actually affecting me and then the kind of the guilty... like the guilty feelings that I had then because I wasn’t able to be like sexually active and stuff and you just think, ‘oh, if only he kind of knew what is was... it’s not just me like being kind of difficult or making excuses,’ although I knew that he could he see like the stress that it was having on me, and I don’t think I probably... I’d let on as much as was... as what was going on in my head at the time with how bad things were and the effect that it was actually having on me mentally.

So, it has affected... and dating, I don’t know how to explain to someone that this is... it’s not an STI. I mean you know the person can says, ‘oh my gosh, it’s an STI,’ and it’s not, but I find it so hard to get in a relationship and be able to be open and talk about, ‘OK, I’ve got this problem, it’s not an STI, it is something, but it’s normal, or it’s not really something whereby it may be sexually transmitted,’ but, you know, it’s so difficult to get into that conversation, so for now I’m just thinking I’ve got so many, like, pressures I don’t have time to... try to explain myself.

I think it just comes down to like a bit of embarrassment and shame and just being like you know, ‘you could be other people who... who don’t have these issues and it would be all simple and straightforward, but instead you’re like you know with me and now you’ve got to deal with this,’ and how is this going to affect our relationship? You kind of hold on to a bit of that I guess because you don’t want to... I don’t know, make it seem more, don’t know, intense, and make... make more of a deal than it already is I... I guess.

So, it massively impacted my first relationship that I was in. I think my partner firstly... because it was both... it was both of our first relationships, both in like a romantic sense and in a like sexual sense, so we were both new to everything, and when I started to get recurrent thrush, and he was incredibly worried that he was going to get diseased from me somehow and sort of treated me like I was like gross and diseased, and like he like refused to like go down on me and would like make sure to wear you know an extra thick condom and like would like be, all like... which he wasn’t before I got thrush, and then as soon as I got thrush it was all like, ‘er,’ and then because I kept getting it... and having someone that it’s like you’re like... I don’t know, having a sexual partner like acts like... act a bit disgusted and grossed out by you, and like you’re diseased for like... I think this went on for a good year, really took a hit to my self-esteem, so I... he was not a particularly nice person in the end, but yeah, that was like a massive hit to my self-esteem.

But then also like with like the pain aspect of things, he wasn’t particularly like supportive or understanding with that either, he made me feel really bad about it, like I was broken, or like that I was doing this to him somehow, and was very like not particularly nice at all, so yeah, that... that really like took a hit to my self-esteem to be honest. So, I think it is only in the last like couple of years that I’ve started to like... I’ve started to move past that, and there is still things now that I’m like I know I’m still trying to like move past that like response to things I guess.

Again, intimacy is... I am really open with my partner and we’re like, ‘oh, I’m getting onset,’ and he is so understanding, so I’m lucky in that sense as well, so it’s not... it does affect in the sense that I have to like, oh, this is... he... he knows what the situation... and I do describe to him, it’s quite... I feel sorry for him sometimes  because it’s like this is what it feels like and you’re trying to describe it and he’s like, “Oh right, OK,” and he’s really understanding so I’m so lucky that he does understand what it is, and that I can... I just tell him, “Look, this is... this is the situation, it is unpleasant, but this is what it is”.

So having thrush or discomfort in the kind of genital area can have an impact across all aspects of your life and how you feel. But one important kind of aspect of life, where it can have an impact is in sex or sexual intimacy. That's something that it can be really important if you are having difficulties in that area, to get some kind of personalized assessment advice and guidance on, and maybe a chance to talk through all the bits of that, that might be relevant to you and how those can be supported.

And that will include thinking about thrush itself, but also about anything else that's affecting that kind of aspect of the experience and how that can be supported and helped.

Options for getting that kind of support could be through places like your GP or through a sexual health clinic. I think that depends on what your needs are, what your priorities are, what's easier for you and what feels right for you.

What is important is if it's something causing you difficulty to find a space in a place where you feel able to get that kind of holistic support across everything that's relevant to you and get some guidance with it.