Making decisions about birth after caesarean

And how have you been since the delivery? 

Oh, excellent. I think a very big part for me is not having the baby blues, because you feel like you, you've done so well, you' I've had no depression with [baby son's name] at all, which I did with [first son's name], I've just had a great time with [baby son's name], just really enjoyed him, you know. And I didn't understand when mothers said to me the first time around, you know, the friends that I had when I had [first son's name], that, 'Oh, you're not over the moon', and that, and I, I was frightened to say, 'Well, no actually, I'm not'. But I know what they mean now, you know, when they say, 'Oh, I feel great about the birth' and that.

And how's your baby been since?

Oh, he's been great. He's been really good. He's a good feeder, a good sleeper. (to baby) excellent, ain't you?

And in any way can you attribute anything that you've felt or experienced since to the way that you delivered this time?

'No, not really, no. No.

I remember you saying the first time about the baby blues, that you weren't sure if it was because it was your first baby or if it was about the section. Have you been able to think more about that now that you've had a, a natural delivery? 

I think it was more about the section, the fact' I just felt like I didn't achieve a natural birth when you' Especially with your first, you feel, you know' I had it in my head that no way would I have a section, sort of thing. It wouldn't happen to me and I was not prepared for it at all. And my head was sort of in the clouds thinking you know, 'I'm going to have a perfect birth' and' And you know, 'I'm going to breastfeed really well', and because it's your first, you don't know what you're getting into and then when you have then it's just like a' it's such a reality check as well, because you've never had to look after something, like a person, be responsible for somebody so much. You know and I think that's got a lot to do with it as well. But yeah, I would say definitely the section, the lack- the failure in breastfeeding as well, that really knocked me a bit.

And how would you compare the two experiences? 

Oh, like night and day, like black and white, it's just totally different. I mean after I had [first son's name] I was, if you'd asked me would I have more children I would have went, 'No, definitely not', ninety-nine percent sure I wasn't going to have any more. And then when I met [husband's name], I mean, [baby son's name] was an accident, sort of thing, we hadn't planned sort of thing, but a very happy accident but now yeah, I would have more, no bother. No bother at all.

I just felt very uncomfortable because I felt uncomfortable for a start, just sat there, and I felt very slow to move and of course every move you make after the baby's born, fluid still comes out and you feel a bit self-conscious about making a mess and the midwife's, 'Oh, it's alright my love, don't worry', and you're thinking, 'Well, yeah, but'', and, it wasn't until she'd gone out of the room and said, 'I'll leave you now', you know, 'He, the cord's clamped, he's been weighed, he's had his measurements, he's had his little bits checked' and you know, that I eventually got myself out of the bed, that the thought suddenly came how I felt after I'd had my daughter, because of having a caesarean, you don't want to stand up too quickly, because you feel like your scar's going to tear, and psychologically, I was sort of re-living the memories of after I'd had my daughter, but then I thought, 'Well, not necessarily, I've just given birth normal, there's no cuts, there's no tears', there was a few little scratches but I think that was from his nails, and I wasn't until I actually got in the bath, that part of me still feels' you go tense because you sort of' I think because having, having the caesarean, that was the psychological thought that, 'Oh, better not move too quick', but I was fine, you know.

And what about baby, how was he?

He's fine.

So have either of you had any problems that you think are due to the way that you delivered this time?

None at all.

So how did this compare with having had a section? I know it was a long time ago now.

It was more natural, the bonding was definitely a main factor, to bond at that moment they're able to put him on your chest.

Because your daughter went to SCBU after, didn't she?

She, yeah, I didn't see her until the next day because I'd had general anaesthetic with that. I think the bonding' to be able to appreciate how important it is, that first moment, their first breath even, that was, that was the difference to just go through it with no problems, to be in at two and he's out at half past five, because you know, you hear stories of, 'Oh, you know, we were in there and all night' and then the midwife had given us the option and saying, you know, 'Do you want to go home later on?' after the paediatrician had come round and done the checks, which was the case, and we did come home the same night. But it wasn't until like a few weeks afterwards, it was like an anti-climax and it's like, 'Wow', and then it's the emotions, tears and you know, the sort of 'Wow' because it happened so quick, you know, like with my daughter it was you know, a booked caesarean, you know, you've got the anxiety of a premature baby, incubators, the tubes, it's overwhelming in all aspects. But you know, I can remember just sat in the bath and [partner's name] was just holding him, he was wrapped in a blanket and everything, and I was just, just in a maze, just in a maze, think, 'No way he was in there so many hours ago and now he's here and he's fine', it's just, it's overwhelming.

So what was your experience like compared to your expectations of what a natural delivery would be like, because you obviously had some idea of what it would be like. Was it like that or was it different or'?

It's the pain threshold I think, you know, you hear people who have a bit of gas and air, some have epidural obviously, so they can't feel anything anyway, but the experience, I think with the pain threshold at one point I thought, 'I'm going to have to have an epidural, I can’t, I cannot do it any more”, it was just the, the intensity of when the contractions were getting to, to their peak. ((pause)) And you know, you’re trying to breathe on gas and air and you’re trying to push and oh, it, it just makes you feel a bit, a bit delirious, because you’re not in control and it’s like as soon as you get that moment to take normal deep breaths, while the contractions have dropped, the next one’s coming in and I thought, I was like gasping for breath at some point, but I mean like, if someone said “would you do it again?”, I, I’d say yeah.  Because it’s not as bad, but the burning, you get that burn, I thought “flippin’ heck, it feels like you’re being ripped”.

Did you tear at all?

No.

I would' it's obviously more painful to have children, there's no doubt about that, because obviously you get an epidural for it, but having said that, you know, having a quick natural delivery and on your feet straight away is nothing in comparison to not being able to bend properly or drive your car, which is very important when you've got other children that are still in nursery at that point in time fairly quickly and things like that. I mean the, being able to hold her and feed her quite comfortably and things like that makes an awful lot of a difference. Because you just sort of' it's nice just to be up and about and back with your family and things like that quickly as well.

And' about the differences and, and comparing the recovery but could you say a little bit more about why you think it's different between having a section with that previously and the vaginal delivery with forceps this time?

Well I think, I think because you, because you've had, because you've had a section and they send you home and they say don't do this and don't do that and, you know, and, and because you've got these, you know, these big stitches, well, these big staples and they give you nice strong painkillers to take the edge off it, I think you're perhaps, or other people as well are probably more aware [baby burping] of the fact that you've had quite a traumatic time, whereas a forceps delivery, I think... I mean [husband's name]'s mum had a forceps delivery and, and so I think probably people who've been through it perhaps know a bit more than, you know, but, but when they, I mean, when they send you home and just tell you to take paracetamol and, I mean, it was really, it took really about ten days before I could sit down without thinking about it, kind of thing [slight laugh]. And it really was a lot, a lot more uncomfortable, a lot more painful than I remember it being after [daughter's name] was born, which is, you know, which is an odd thing but, but, because you would think that sort of, the, you know, the kind of major surgery that a section is, you would think that would be worse, but it really wasn't.

It was better than what I thought it was going to be like, because it was much calmer. Because it was, again, totally different to my first delivery. It was very relaxed, I had music playing that I wanted playing' and I was very informed, I knew everything that was happening and I mean, some people wouldn't want to know as much information as I did, that's a choice that I made. And I felt very' even though I wasn't in control obviously, but I felt as if I was in control of what was happening, because I knew what was going on. So, I felt quite empowered, even though I wasn't in control, obviously.