Immunisation

Father' I think that they have to empathise with the difficulty of making a decision under the kind of glare of media speculation. Suffice to say I think they probably presented it as a kind of considered decision to be made rather than an inevitability. I think if they'd presented it as an inevitability I think people who maybe think they're informed and are worried will then recoil from that. So I think they should present it as something that is to do with, you know, it's a considered decision rather than a kind of inevitability. And I think probably it's probably best if they relate their own sense of dilemma and research and some of that uncertainty in it all.

I think if a doctor presents it as a certainty and is blas' and brash and confident, over-confident, that would certainly make me recoil and think twice. Because it would make me feel they're selling it to me rather than giving me the facts, which I'm sure the facts can be disputed otherwise they wouldn't have been a scare. I'm sure the facts are that actually you can't say categorically that it doesn't cause autism. So if someone were to tell me, maybe statistically this and this and this, but if they were to be very persuasive and very categorical that would make me recoil from any clarity about what I actually was going to do.
 

I think where you, wherever you felt they were talking from their own opinion rather than from the government line you, you were far more likely to trust what they were saying. If you felt they were regurgitating something they didn't believe, and you can kind of generally tell when people are sort of spinning out a, a line. Whereas when people were fairly adamant that it was, you know, kind of not worthy of, paying too much attention to, I was much more reassured by that. Not to encourage people just to lie about it, but it's, you did genuinely kind of want to know what they would do with their own children rather than what the government line was. 

And although I know that it's very difficult in a, in a professional thing, there's a limit to how much you're allowed to say, as a parent all you want to know is that your child's going to be all right. And so it, it's not reassuring to know what the government line is. It is reassuring to know that ultimately your doctor as a professional feels that your child's going, on an overwhelming basis of evidence, is going to be fine at the end of it. And it may be that they're the same thing, but you want to have it from their personal opinion rather than from a kind of government line, that someone is going to take responsibility at the end of the day for what happens. And I think, not in that you'd want to sue them or, just that your child's, you know, basically all you want to know is that your child is going to be okay. So anything that reassures you about that is probably the best way forward.
 

Well certainly the nurse that I've spoken, that I spoke to was very informed and that always helps make a decision is, is having trust in the person that you're talking to that they actually do know what they're talking about, there's nothing worse than talking to someone and you think “This person actually hasn't got a clue,” and they don't instil any confidence in you whatsoever. So she may have been talking complete rubbish but she sounded like she knew what she was talking about, so I believed her. 

And I think on my six week check-up when I spoke to the doctor then about them and she sort of said you know in your little red book it asks about immunisation and she asked if I had any, you know she raised the subject, was I thinking of having him done, did I have any questions about them and I think just the fact that she was very open and you know inviting questions. And I didn't have many because I'd always thought that I would have it done, it was before the onset. But I think doctors can, you know they raise, if they raise the issue and ask if there's any questions, anything that they're unsure about at that stage rather than the parent at the six week check, rather than the parent just getting this form through. I think that was explained to me as well, that was explained to me by either the health visitor or the doctor that, you know how it worked because I didn't know whether I had to make all these appointments myself or whatever. 

So it was explained that I would get an appointment through and then you just turn up or you cancel it or, and re-book, whenever. So I think that helped that, actually having the process explained that you didn't have to do anything. I think as long as they talk to you like an adult and don't “Oh you just must have them done,” as long as they sit down and actually find out what your concerns are rather than dismissing you like you're silly, then I think that helps a lot of people.

They said, after they'd weighed her they said, 'She is due for her MMR'. And because I came at the end of the session the nurse was just kind of lingering around basically. And I said, 'Yes, but we're choosing to do the individual'. And then the nurse heard and she walked in and she said, she said, 'Oh, but, no, don't worry. Just the one jab, it's just quick'. 'No'. And I thought, 'I'm not going to get into this with her because I don't need to'. I said, 'No, no thanks, no we're fine'. 'But, now, look, just a, I've just got it here. Quick, come on, just come in. It'll only take a second. She'll be fine'. And I'm like, 'No, I'm really, no, we're fine'. She said, 'Oh, come on' and then she started laughing. And I thought to myself, 'It isn't just a quick thing'. And she just did not understand. It's a decision. It's not about just something quick, kind of, 'Oh, look, I've got five minutes, quick, we can get it done'. And I thought, 'That's really not the right attitude to have, and definitely not to press someone'. 
 

The good way is listening properly to what you've got to say and to what you're asking. The impression I got when I was first given advice at the first hospital, was the fact that the registrar had, had a quick word with the consultant before, looked at my note. The consultant said, 'Well when you see the patient, well, patient's mother's, say this' and say that's what she did, so she couldn't' I mean, maybe she's still training, so she couldn't answer any more questions. Then she went and got the consultant and he wasn't listening to me either.

And I think, that when I spoke to the paediatrician immunologist, he sat quietly, he listened to everything I said and then he gave me his response to my concerns and I think that was the big difference.

It's very easy to' especially if you've come across things before, just to, and you're busy, to feel impatient and think, yes, yes, yes, I know, I don't want to know all about the details' this is what your question is. But actually if you listen to someone properly, then it might not be their question and then you might be able to reassure them about things that you didn't know that (they) would ask you. So I think it was listening properly and answering your question, rather than just telling someone what you think they should be asking you, because that then' yeah because it's almost like you had a prepared answer that you' it was almost like the consultant was getting frustrated with me for not asking the question, he wanted to answer [laughs]. And I've seen that in lawyers, a lot as well, where they say, 'No, you, what you' you don't want to ask me that question. You want to ask me another question.' And I know the reason they say that is because they don't know the answer to the question, that you have actually got. So that's what I would say.
 

I think again as in anything, particularly in parenting, you're always doubting yourself anyway. And, and I think just for somebody to have had a listening ear really and just to have had more time, just to have said, 'Well as we're discussing now, you know, 'What, exactly what's concerning you? Why are you sceptical? What, what has brought this to your mind?' You know, 'What...?' And actually listen and just say, 'Yes, I understand where you're coming from'. And then perhaps being able to give facts and figures and information from their point of view.
 

It is very important because they should respect your worries, they should be there, they should listen and they should help you out of these worries. I ended up crying there because I actually felt like, 'They really don't care' in a way. I mean it's not  the right way to say it but they really don't, how do you say it in English? they don't want to come down to your level and understand your feelings in a way. They only have the medical information that is actually given by probably the government or the health authorities and that is it. There's no personal approach at all. I think that the personal approach is missing, because a doctor is more than just a conveyor of information from health authorities, especially a GP, because he sees you frequently, he sees your child frequently. I think the personal touch is missing, really treating you in a way that you are an individual and not just, 'Okay, I'm conveying the message I have from the health authorities and that's it. And I'm not interested in anything else you have to say'. 
 

I was more reassured as well when people had clearly looked at the evidence. Where people were able to say, 'Look, this is...'. I mean I, as I said before, 'This is what the research was. This is what is was based on. This is the kind of outcome of it'. And where they clearly themselves had considered what the issues were rather than just, 'It's fine. Don't worry about it. It's not worth worrying about'. Where, it's just not reassuring at all because you're not even aware of whether they really know what those issues are. It was much, yes, much more reassuring. You felt that they too had considered as a professional and weighed up on a balance of judgement whether it was likely to be detrimental or not.