Immunisation

I think that they have to empathise with the difficulty of making a decision under the kind of glare of media speculation. Suffice to say I think they probably presented it as a kind of considered decision to be made rather than an inevitability. I think if they'd presented it as an inevitability I think people who maybe think they're informed and are worried will then recoil from that. So I think they should present it as something that is to do with, you know, it's a considered decision rather than a kind of inevitability. And I think probably it's probably best if they relate their own sense of dilemma and research and some of that uncertainty in it all.

I think if a doctor presents it as a certainty and is blas' and brash and confident, over-confident, that would certainly make me recoil and think twice. Because it would make me feel they're selling it to me rather than giving me the facts, which I'm sure the facts can be disputed otherwise they wouldn't have been a scare. I'm sure the facts are that actually you can't say categorically that it doesn't cause autism. So if someone were to tell me, maybe statistically this and this and this, but if they were to be very persuasive and very categorical that would make me recoil from any clarity about what I actually was going to do.
 

I think where you, wherever you felt they were talking from their own opinion rather than from the government line you, you were far more likely to trust what they were saying. If you felt they were regurgitating something they didn't believe, and you can kind of generally tell when people are sort of spinning out a, a line. Whereas when people were fairly adamant that it was, you know, kind of not worthy of, paying too much attention to, I was much more reassured by that. Not to encourage people just to lie about it, but it's, you did genuinely kind of want to know what they would do with their own children rather than what the government line was. 

And although I know that it's very difficult in a, in a professional thing, there's a limit to how much you're allowed to say, as a parent all you want to know is that your child's going to be all right. And so it, it's not reassuring to know what the government line is. It is reassuring to know that ultimately your doctor as a professional feels that your child's going, on an overwhelming basis of evidence, is going to be fine at the end of it. And it may be that they're the same thing, but you want to have it from their personal opinion rather than from a kind of government line, that someone is going to take responsibility at the end of the day for what happens. And I think, not in that you'd want to sue them or, just that your child's, you know, basically all you want to know is that your child is going to be okay. So anything that reassures you about that is probably the best way forward.
 

They said, after they'd weighed her they said, 'She is due for her MMR'. And because I came at the end of the session the nurse was just kind of lingering around basically. And I said, 'Yes, but we're choosing to do the individual'. And then the nurse heard and she walked in and she said, she said, 'Oh, but, no, don't worry. Just the one jab, it's just quick'. 'No'. And I thought, 'I'm not going to get into this with her because I don't need to'. I said, 'No, no thanks, no we're fine'. 'But, now, look, just a, I've just got it here. Quick, come on, just come in. It'll only take a second. She'll be fine'. And I'm like, 'No, I'm really, no, we're fine'. She said, 'Oh, come on' and then she started laughing. And I thought to myself, 'It isn't just a quick thing'. And she just did not understand. It's a decision. It's not about just something quick, kind of, 'Oh, look, I've got five minutes, quick, we can get it done'. And I thought, 'That's really not the right attitude to have, and definitely not to press someone'. 
 

The good way is listening properly to what you've got to say and to what you're asking. The impression I got when I was first given advice at the first hospital, was the fact that the registrar had, had a quick word with the consultant before, looked at my note. The consultant said, 'Well when you see the patient, well, patient's mother's, say this' and say that's what she did, so she couldn't' I mean, maybe she's still training, so she couldn't answer any more questions. Then she went and got the consultant and he wasn't listening to me either.

And I think, that when I spoke to the paediatrician immunologist, he sat quietly, he listened to everything I said and then he gave me his response to my concerns and I think that was the big difference.

It's very easy to' especially if you've come across things before, just to, and you're busy, to feel impatient and think, yes, yes, yes, I know, I don't want to know all about the details' this is what your question is. But actually if you listen to someone properly, then it might not be their question and then you might be able to reassure them about things that you didn't know that (they) would ask you. So I think it was listening properly and answering your question, rather than just telling someone what you think they should be asking you, because that then' yeah because it's almost like you had a prepared answer that you' it was almost like the consultant was getting frustrated with me for not asking the question, he wanted to answer [laughs]. And I've seen that in lawyers, a lot as well, where they say, 'No, you, what you' you don't want to ask me that question. You want to ask me another question.' And I know the reason they say that is because they don't know the answer to the question, that you have actually got. So that's what I would say.
 

I think again as in anything, particularly in parenting, you're always doubting yourself anyway. And, and I think just for somebody to have had a listening ear really and just to have had more time, just to have said, 'Well as we're discussing now, you know, 'What, exactly what's concerning you? Why are you sceptical? What, what has brought this to your mind?' You know, 'What...?' And actually listen and just say, 'Yes, I understand where you're coming from'. And then perhaps being able to give facts and figures and information from their point of view.
 

I think I'd have liked her to have taken notice of what I'd said. I explained to her, I said, 'She had a really, really nasty reaction, her arms swelled up and she was on anti-histamines, antibiotics and everything, I'm just concerned that he's going to get it.' And she was just very dismissive, there were no, I think I would have liked to have said, 'Oh right, well I'll just go to speak to the doctor about it, maybe we can pull [my daughter's] file out and see what, you know, how she reacted and everything.' Maybe the GP should have done it, or he should have said, 'you know,' Or maybe there's a test they could have done, I just, I'd have liked them to have been more concerned because I were, you know. I mean, I still let them go ahead with it, I probably shouldn't, shouldn't have, thinking about it, I should have said, 'No, I want to speak to the GP about it.'  
 

And she was just able to tell me exactly what the current sort of comment was on it and stuff and also it wasn't just her giving me the facts, she was also talking to me as a mother as well. She's got children of her own and she was talking to me from that perspective. So I kind of felt, unlike with our local doctor who other people were commenting, 'Oh they will just give you the party line,' I felt as if she was telling me exactly what all the facts were as well as the fact she was a mother and she was also being honest with me about how she felt about it.
 

I was more reassured as well when people had clearly looked at the evidence. Where people were able to say, 'Look, this is...'. I mean I, as I said before, 'This is what the research was. This is what is was based on. This is the kind of outcome of it'. And where they clearly themselves had considered what the issues were rather than just, 'It's fine. Don't worry about it. It's not worth worrying about'. Where, it's just not reassuring at all because you're not even aware of whether they really know what those issues are. It was much, yes, much more reassuring. You felt that they too had considered as a professional and weighed up on a balance of judgement whether it was likely to be detrimental or not.