Annie - Interview 17
Annie had a 'normal' life before becoming unwell in her teens. She was admitted to hospital at 18 and diagnosed with cerebral lupus at 24. She finds the stigma and experience similar to others with severe mental illness. She is now doing graduate studies.
Annie is a student, single and has no children. Ethnic background' White British.
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She describes the impact mental health has on everything, and the importance of getting the ‘balancing act’ right. Although she is currently ‘loads better’ she says that she ‘wouldn’t bet a pound it wouldn’t happen again’. She says that she can’t take in too much information and gets ‘overloaded really quickly’ even if the stimulation is nice, such as going on holiday. Annie says that in theory she knows how to balance her life now, but doesn’t always get it right in practice. She has had help from mental health services, who have advised her to live ‘within [her] limitations’. She tends to have just one negative voice saying really awful things are going to happen. She doesn’t recognise the voice and describes it as ‘all-prevailing’ at some points. She describes her family as supportive, but sometimes they struggle to understand what it’s like. They didn’t ‘give up on her’ and they encouraged her to complete university. Now her mum rings every day. They have ‘held on to who [she is] even when she’s been unwell’, and ‘not saying ‘you’ve messed up’ ‘. Annie thinks that the medication ‘slows you down’ but, as she has been on it for so long, she can’t remember what it’s like to be off psychiatric medication. Now she is on a low dose to Trifluoperizine rather than higher doses during episodes. She finds ‘too much choice’ very stressful. Even when she isn’t in a ‘total episode’ she still has ‘vulnerabilities’. When she is unwell she starts thinking stupid thoughts and gets ‘ten steps ahead of herself’. She has been in the same location for ten years and has consistent experience of services. The social side, such as meeting up with friends or keeping appointments, can be quite difficult. Her relationship with her boyfriend becomes ‘less equal’ when she is unwell, but it is flexible, so changes when she is well. Recovery for her would mean ‘genuine acceptance’ but would like a ‘total recovery’ where ‘everything is brilliant’.