Ovarian Cancer
Coping strategies
There isn't a 'right way' to deal with ovarian cancer: each person tries to find what is best for them. Some women we spoke to tried to go on living 'as near normally as possible'. Some wanted to continue working and not be treated as an invalid; they didn't want the illness to make big changes in their lives, and they didn't want to talk about it all the time or sit around feeling sorry for themselves. Some said that doing normal everyday things helped them to feel less ill. A woman who kept her illness a secret at work and behaved as if nothing was wrong said that she 'managed to hoodwink others, and herself to some extent'.
Some women in remission said they felt that they no longer had cancer: they wanted to put the experience behind them and return to normal life, but that wasn't always easy.
When she no longer had cancer she wanted to put the experience behind her and return to normal life.
When she no longer had cancer she wanted to put the experience behind her and return to normal life.
Many talked about 'having a fighting spirit' or 'being positive'. Positive thinking means different things to different people, but, generally people said it was about facing the cancer by confronting it and dealing with it, and having hope. Some people felt that adopting a positive attitude rather than feeling sad or having negative thoughts could help recovery or even prevent the cancer from coming back. Some had also used positive thinking alongside relaxation or visualisation techniques (see 'Complementary approaches').
Many factors influence the development of cancer and there is so far no evidence that positive thinking can alter its course, though research continues. However, some women believed that a determination to fight their cancer had helped them recover. Others had read that positive thinking would not cure their cancer, but they believed it could help them to cope with it and to feel better.
Had read that positive thinking would not cure cancer but believed it helped her cope and to feel better.
Had read that positive thinking would not cure cancer but believed it helped her cope and to feel better.
I've read various things about being positive, or positive thinking, and I think the latest thinking on it is that it's not supposed to be that helpful, you know, it's not, it's obviously good for you to feel positive but it's not necessarily going to change how your illness is going to affect you, you know, it's not a cure all, so. Which is quite interesting, because there have been various articles in the newspaper over the autumn and I was quite disappointed about that because I... really worked hard at... I had a healing tape, a healing meditation tape that I'd run every afternoon, when I got home, lie on the bed and listen to it. And I remember the day I read in the newspaper that positive thought wasn't necessarily going to be a cure all, that was really very disappointing.
But I think that actually that if you can sort of be as positive as possible I think that's really helpful to yourself, you know, to try and get over, and to try and feel better, you know.
For some women, 'being positive' meant having an assumtion that they would get better or remaining cheerful and not complaining about their illness. For others, it meant not dwelling on the possibility that they might die from the cancer, but 'getting on with living their remaining life to the full'. Several women stressed that they were not being unrealistic or denying that their illness was serious.
She never doubted that she would get over the cancer.
She never doubted that she would get over the cancer.
Family, friends and doctors commented that she never complained about her illness.
Family, friends and doctors commented that she never complained about her illness.
Very upset, very sorry for me. But they all said that I've handled it well and I never complained. Several of the consultants said that I took everything that was thrown at me, I was very positive and I never complained. That's how they saw it, and I'm glad if that was the way that I acted, I'm glad I didn't bother anybody.
Is that how you feel that you acted?
I suppose so, yes. I can't see there's much point in complaining. I mean people will only be sympathetic for a short space of time. I was very conscious that everybody was doing their part to help me so it was up to me to try and handle the situation as best I could without complaining.
Saw no point in worrying about dying from cancer: she preferred to live her life to the full.
Saw no point in worrying about dying from cancer: she preferred to live her life to the full.
They can't predict what is going to happen to you. They can't say this that or the other, you know. Just like, they're expecting mine to reoccur in a year's time, they could be wrong about that. It might be, take ages before it reoccurs, so you've just got to think positive about things.
Before I got cancer I was not making the most of my life. I was working, earning lots of money, stressed out, running around, ignoring my husband, never seeing my family, not looking at birds, how beautiful a bird is, little eyes, little wings, it flies about. Isn't it marvellous how it flies about, you know what I mean? And that's what you've got to do, just make the best of it, you really have.
Some remained upbeat for the sake of family and friends. Women sometimes tried to think about positive aspects of their situation or compared themselves to others worse off than themselves.
Some acknowledged that it was hard to remain positive, particularly if the cancer came back. No-one can be positive all the time, and most people living with cancer will have times when they feel tired, anxious, depressed, and angry. Some said that other people sometimes made them feel guilty about having negative thoughts. If people think that 'fighting' the cancer is important it can be additionally hard on them if their fight does not work. Several women pointed out that no-one should be made to feel guilty or responsible for having their illness.
Was determined to remain positive but acknowledged that had been hard when the cancer returned.
Was determined to remain positive but acknowledged that had been hard when the cancer returned.
Couldn't be positive all the time but sometimes when she had bad days other people made her feel guilty.
Couldn't be positive all the time but sometimes when she had bad days other people made her feel guilty.
And the book I'm reading, that I finally' well, my brother tracked down, called, 'Life After Cancer', because it's about what ' you know, how do you get back to some sort of normality, and in there it says 'It's okay to be negative. Everybody says you've got to think positive, you've got to fight cancer', and so on and so forth, all of which I followed and duly did, and maybe it made a difference to how I coped with it. But then you feel guilty if your husband or partner or friends are sitting there saying, 'Well, you know you'll be all right'. 'Come on, you'll be all right' and that, and you feel guilty for having a bad day, which you don't need to be doing, because you're feeling bad anyway.
And at the end of the day, I say to my husband, 'Yeah, but' though you'd miss me, it's still me that it's happening to'. You know, as close as you are, when it comes to it, to me, a man is an island, you are actually on your own when it comes down to dealing with the' the real nitty-gritty of it, if you've got to go in for another operation or start another course of treatment. You know people are there, but it's you that's, you know, looking at that sign, and thinking, 'God, it's Oncology', you know, and what it means and so on. And it says, 'You mustn't think badly of yourself for having negative days. It's okay'. Because they say, it says in there that heart patients aren't told to fight, stroke patients aren't told to fight, you know, but with cancer, it's, 'Well, you've got to fight it. You've got to think positive all the time', you know, 'Attitude makes a big difference and that'. Why doesn't it make a difference to heart patients or stroke patients, or' any other illness.
One woman said she adopted a realistic coping style so that she would be prepared if her cancer returned. Another said she approached her illness in a business-like way. Some said they tried to live their lives one day or one week at a time.
Women sometimes found that talking with others about their illness helped them to cope with it, although others preferred to be more private (see 'Support'). Some mentioned that seeking out information about ovarian cancer and other people's experiences was used as a coping strategy, particularly when newly diagnosed, and some also wanted to avoid any depressing information or stories. One had initially wanted to find as much information as possible but later learned to rely upon her own spiritual resources to live with her illness. Keeping their minds occupied distracted some women from their illness.
Reading about other people's experiences helped her to feel more content.
Reading about other people's experiences helped her to feel more content.
Sad stories of other people's experiences were unhelpful.
Sad stories of other people's experiences were unhelpful.
At first found out all she could about cancer but later chose to rely on her own spiritual resources.
At first found out all she could about cancer but later chose to rely on her own spiritual resources.
When I first was diagnosed I felt I need to read everything that was ever published about ovarian cancer and cancer in general and talk in chat-rooms to people and just immerse myself in finding out about cancer and people's responses to it. But I found after the first couple of years I had the opposite reaction.
I thought I knew intellectually all I needed to know and that my journey from there had to be more spiritual and finding what resources I had inside myself to live with this because I don't think about it. I don't think about dying from it. I just think it's a challenge to learn to live with it.
Some women found it helpful to keep records or diaries of the illness, its treatment and their feelings at different times. Others felt it helped them to take control by making treatment decisions where possible or by seeking out information. One woman said that allowing herself treats helped her morale during treatment; another, who had always enjoyed exercise, found that walking in the sea air helped her greatly.
Frequent walks in the fresh sea air helped her to come to terms with her illness.
Frequent walks in the fresh sea air helped her to come to terms with her illness.
I can go off in a dream when I'm walking there and I'm thinking miles ahead. Sometimes I get upset, sometimes I can cry there on the beach, you know, you can just sort of let it go. Other times I'm miles away, I'm dreaming I've won the lottery and I'm doing this and I'm doing that, or I'm just thinking over and over what life is and what's it all about, so for me that's my medicine.
Last reviewed December 2024.
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