Infertility

Be tolerant and you can’t fix it with all the will in the world, and don’t tell the couple to relax it will happen. Because in most cases it doesn’t. Be tolerant and understanding of perhaps where they are at, give them the space they need, but the support they need. Don’t be afraid to talk about it, or bring it up as a subject. It’s a bit like a bereavement sometimes, people don’t know what to say and therefore avoid it. It is not a taboo subject but a little bit of tact. Don’t talk about the friend down the road whose just had three children. You know, they won’t want to know about that. Just be sensitive to what they’re going through and be there to support them as much as you can.

The first place I think, you know, my advice to them would be, you know, think that you are dealing with people and you’re dealing with something very precious in someone’s life, you know, and in one way you’re playing God with their future. And I think realising the implications of it, and the importance of it, and realise really what they’re going through as a person, rather than just the treatment. There’s a person with all sorts going on inside them there and you know, I didn’t feel like that was recognised. You know, you’re sat in a waiting room looking at all these people and thinking you just want to talk to them and you can’t. You just feel very silent and sit there, but I think, you know, I think having, they’re your link. I mean I felt that, especially going through it, they’re the people you’ve got to rely on, the medics are there, you’ve got to rely on them and if you don’t have that support from them, you know, even if it’s just that friendly smile, and how are you today? Or did you have a really nice weekend? Would just, even if it’s not about the IVF, just to have that rapport with someone and talk to somebody as a human being instead of just saying, “Right come in, let’s take your blood. See you later.” I think you need, I think they need to realise that they’re very very important and that the person, there is a person there, solely relying on them for that support and help. Because I don’t think they realise how important it is.

Advice to professionals? Without invading somebody’s space make sure that you understand that it isn’t just a physical process. That it really, really is emotional process. And some people won’t want to be nurtured, looking after, treated as the patient and all their emotional needs catered for, but many people do. So it is trying to get a balance of not invading the privacy, but also of making sure that they do feel looked after at a really, really difficult time. Particularly when things fails and give them time to come back to you, however many times they need to. To talk it through. And it is not just offering a counsellor I am saying, it might just be that, it might be they want to sort of talk to the people that have been dealing with them at the time. So it might be the nurses or the doctors, who can say to them, I can give you an hour of my time. And that might be valuable even then talking generally to a counsellor. Often it is specifics alongside the emotions that they want to talk about.