Gout

Impact of gout on family, friends and relationships

Several people believed that gout had an impact on their families or friends. Some described how their mood was affected by their symptoms and pain, and that this could be difficult for other family members to deal with. Several people believed that family members thought they were ‘grumpy’, ‘irritable’ or ‘bad tempered’ when they had attacks. Sam felt that her teenage daughter might not understand why her mood changed when she was in pain. Others talked about wanting to be left alone during attacks. A few people felt that family were sometimes upset by seeing them in pain.

Jill feels lucky that her friends and neighbours understand that the pain of attacks affects her mood.

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Age at interview: 53

Sex: Female

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Well luckily the people that come to look after me as it were, they know that I can get - it does, it makes you irritable because it's painful and it's - it's uncomfortable and you want to go to the loo but you know that simply just by getting up and shuffling to the loo, it's like going to be a main thing to do. And it's going to be painful to do. So people do come and I am ratchety, but they know it's because I'm in pain.

Janette says the pain was sharp. She didn’t want anyone near her in case they touched her foot.

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Age at interview: 82

Sex: Female

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It’s very sharp, which is quite – for me inflammation doesn’t mean sharp, but – particularly if there’s any contact. I mean, you couldn’t – I used to have it on – my big toe joint was the inflamed bit. You couldn’t lie turned on your side in bed, or anything like that. You know, I had a pillow under my knees and I kept my foot off the, off the bed because even that level of pain was – was fairly excruciating when it was a bad bout.

So did it affect your sleeping as well?

Yes, yes, because when you turned over.

So was the pain there sort of all the time, but it was worse if you moved it?

If you tried to walk, or, or anything touched it. I was very wary of folk were moving around me, “Don’t come near.” When you see these old, you know, funnies about the old soldiers with – well, the old boozers really, with great bandages around their feet and what-not and yelping if anybody came near them. I’m not surprised, because you don’t want anybody near it.

Many people felt that their family and friends were understanding, supportive and sympathetic. Some, though, said that it was difficult for others to understand what they were going through. A married couple, Alan and Sue, both had gout, and felt that this enabled them to have a better understanding and be more empathetic to each other. However, they still got frustrated when gout stopped them doing things together.

Arthur believed that it was important to ‘educate’ his family about gout so that they understood it better.

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Age at interview: 63

Sex: Male

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I think most people are, like family, there’s a lot of ignorance about gout and most people don’t understand what it’s about. If you talk about a serious illness like cancer, just as an instance, most people when you mention that know sort of the implications that that has. When you talk about gout, most people haven’t got a clue as to what it is, and the impact it’s having on you, and I found that obviously with family. It’s not until you sit down and talk to them about it and say, “Right, this is what I’m going through at the moment” or they come round and your knee’s swollen or your foot’s swollen and they say, “God, what’s the matter with you?” “It’s gout, this is what it does”. That’s the sort of impact. It’s more of me educating them as to what the problem is because they don’t know, as I said, what gout is all about.

Many people talked about their spouse or partner being their main source of support during an attack. Harry felt that his partner was reluctant to leave him in the house on his own when he had an attack in case he needed help. Eddie said that his children worried about him, but felt that gout had brought him closer to his late wife because she had looked after him during attacks. Val wanted to know whether her children were likely to get gout because she had it.

Some people talked about the friction that could be caused between them and other family members when they had to cancel plans or activities because of gout. Like Naresh, others talked about how gout stopped them from helping out around the house or doing their normal tasks. Several people felt angry or frustrated by this. Eric was a full-time carer for his wife, so his attacks had a big impact on what he could do for her.

Runibunar felt ‘useless’ because he could not perform his duties as a father and husband during attacks.

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Age at interview: 38

Sex: Male

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It really affects my life, not only my job but inside the house as well with my family, with my kids and with my wife. I can't really perform the duties of a father and a husband, because I only lie down in the bed, I can't even go to the toilet, I really have to ask my wife to assist me, and just a little bit things like - I'm quite irritable, or just like I - because of the pain that I can't handle really.

I can't do the usual way that I was doing it with my kids, I can't - I can't play with them, I can't teach them, with their studies, you know. And with my wife I cannot do the usual husband what they are doing, you know what I'm saying, then you see you can really just only a useless person inside of the house, yeah. That’s what I can say if I have an attack. Yeah.

You feel like a useless person?

Yeah, yeah. A useless person really because you can't do anything. Yeah. And you know all the people inside the house are really affected as well because they can't - they can't - what I mean they can't do anything in their usual ways as well because they have a sick person inside the house. Yeah. Because the pain that you're experiencing during the attack of gout is really, really worst

The physical and sexual aspects of people’s relationships were also affected. People did not want to be touched because they were worried about pain. Even lying in bed was ‘hard work’ for Joe. Ben thought that his attack had affected his girlfriend’s sleep when he was in pain during the night. One person talked about the practical difficulties of having sex when one or more joints were affected by an attack, although other people found that having sex relieved their pain.

Last reviewed December 2016