Drugs and Alcohol (young people)
Relationships, drugs and alcohol
People we talked to who’d been in a long term relationship, expressed different views about the effect drugs/alcohol had on them and their partners. Using drugs and alcohol when in a relationship often had a negative effect, but several people pointed out there could be other reasons why relationships didn’t work out.
If someone was using drugs regularly while their partner didn’t, relationships could suffer. Looking back, Sam and Charlie could see that when they were high they had not been able to relate to their partners, or pay attention to their feelings.
We talked to several women who described how their first boyfriends had introduced them to drugs and then after they were hooked, had used drugs to control them.
What stops people using drugs when they are in a relationship?
Being in a long-term relationship can prompt people to re-think their lifestyles, especially their drug and drink habits. Several people who were regular users said they would definitely kick the habit if they started a family or got married. Having a partner who was into health and fitness had helped many people give up drugs.
Peter’s ex blamed his cannabis use for their relationship problems but he says the problems were still there when he quit.
Peter’s ex blamed his cannabis use for their relationship problems but he says the problems were still there when he quit.
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I have done a. I didn't have a trouble-filled relationship with my child, just the mother of him, very. It was a hard relationship. I don’t know and occasionally because things would get so bad that I was, I was probably suffering with depression at times during the relationship because we had a very bad relationship. I was very unhappy. We argued a lot and occasionally she’d convince me that all of our problems were down to the fact that I used cannabis. So occasionally I have stopped and I’ve stopped for three, four months but then what I realised is during those three, four months actually the problem was our relationship. Like the only thing that cannabis did is make me a bit more numb or zoned out from some of the issues. It would make me not face some of the issues actually that in reality were there, the problems existing in our relationship. It was almost as if I was using it to dull some of the, the pain or ill feeling that I had because of this relationship.
But according to her, she put it down to...?
Yeah she blamed it on that but obviously I, it. The times when I’d stopped smoking cannabis I’d see clearly that these problems were still there. The problems didn’t go away because I’d stopped smoking cannabis.
Sam thinks that many of his relationships had ended because of his crazy' use of drugs. (Played...
Sam thinks that many of his relationships had ended because of his crazy' use of drugs. (Played...
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I’d been involved in a relationship that went wrong. And that went wrong due to me taking drugs, I think or it was a part of it. Because I’d sneak out of the house at night and run off and go and do drugs with other people and obviously she was thinking that I was going off doing something. I was probably 17/18 then.
And she was not doing drugs?
She didn’t do drugs. She knew I was a drug taker and that but I was getting right off my brain like, I’d eat 3 or 4 tablets like in one go and be like eyes rolling in the back of my head and falling around and that. And I thought it was hilarious, what after I thought it was hilarious. I didn’t think it was hilarious like a day later when I’m lying in bed sweating and trying to be sick and basically feeling that I don’t exist anymore like. Do you know what I mean?
Tara was only thirteen when her boyfriend started putting pressure on her to take cannabis.
Tara was only thirteen when her boyfriend started putting pressure on her to take cannabis.
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And it was having, I was being pressured into trying stuff by my partner who was fairly abusive and quite forceful on me, so I, just do stuff for the sake of it, never quite enjoyed any of it, but obviously you get the rush of certain things or you get chilled out from certain things and it’s quite a scary time because watching people inject heroin and watching them pass out, slumped in a corner it’s not nice for someone to see at that young age when I was thirteen myself. Going on to like thirteen, fourteen, fifteen then, when my relationship with that partner ended, as did much of the drug use, but I still had the after effects, I had Cannabis Psychosis for lots of smoking of green, oh I had mental scars from all my experiences
So you, you felt sort of pressurised to do drugs?
Yes, yes.
While you were with him?
Yes I, yeah very pressurised to do drugs, [sighs] he was six foot four, he was a big, big built bloke, rugby player, and he had such a hold over me, and I was terrified of him but at the time I was thirteen, naïve, I thought I was in love with him, because despite all the bad things and how bad he was towards me he did show me love and affection, so I was with him, I was, I was scared to leave but at the same time I didn’t want to leave because I didn’t have many friends, he, he was there for me in a way, lots of people who are abused do love the person who is abusing them, so, [sighs].
Being in a long-term relationship can prompt people to re-think their lifestyles, especially their drug and drink habits. Several people who were regular users said they would definitely kick the habit if they started a family or got married. Having a partner who was into health and fitness had helped many people give up drugs.
Chloe's boyfriend told her she wasn't the same person when she was high and, though she found it...
Chloe's boyfriend told her she wasn't the same person when she was high and, though she found it...
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Who was helping you at that time?
My boyfriend and me really because I told the people that I worked with that I had given up during the course but I hadn’t. I was still smoking when I was volunteering so when it was actually time to give up I didn’t tell them about it because they already thought I had. So yeah but they know this now [laugh]. But at the time so yeah it was just me really.
So your boyfriend was the main sort of support?
Yeah because obviously he was like, I can’t communicate with you when you’re high. You’re not the same person. You’re becoming skinny. You don’t look the same. Your eyes are sunk in. I love you for you but I love you so much that I want you to stop this and improve yourself’ kind of thing.
So how did you end up with a boyfriend who was not doing drugs? Was against drugs?
Last reviewed :July 2018.
Last updated: January 2015.
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