What about your feelings at the time of his death towards other people, health professionals? Have you got anything you would like to add about the way other people were looking after him before he died?
I was interviewed for local radio because I was trying to raise awareness about bipolar disorder and I remember that the guy who was interviewing me said, “Did I think if he’d been diagnosed earlier,” because of course he was diagnosed only five days before he walked out of the hospital and died. Did I think it would have made a difference? And I had to think quite carefully about it, but I think the thing is it’s just impossible for me to know and therefore because, because again the sort of other implication of that question is the, the doctors and psychiatrists that you, you know, that you had, could they have done any more than they did? I think on balance the answer is no. I mean, we had a great GP, who, you know, gave us a lot of time, wasn’t at all dismissive, was very caring and interested in David, was really sort of talking things through and really trying to understand what was inside him, what was motivating him when he was sort of asking to try different things. She was great. And then the, the NHS psychiatrist that we had, who was attached to a local hospital, he was also really good. David and I had a lot of respect for him. He seemed to, you know, I want to say he seemed like a really nice guy, somehow that sounds irrelevant.
You know, somebody who’s doing his job, but it wasn’t irrelevant, you know, he clearly understood his job. You know, David had dealt with other people before in the past that he felt didn’t have, didn’t have any kind of sympathy or empathy, and he really felt that this guy did. You know, he really liked him and that was really important. And David was always, I thought, a really good judge of character, whether he was depressed or not, he was a good judge of character. And I think that this psychiatrist did everything that he knew how to do and he would, he had, I think the main thing that I liked about him was he had a lot of respect for David. He didn’t try and take his autonomy away. He didn’t just say, “Right I’m going to try this with you next. I’m going to try that”. He would talk it all through with David, and with me, because towards the end David said, could I come in, and the psychiatrist said, “Yes that was absolutely fine”. I think because he just wanted, the psychiatrist was happy about it because he wanted to see somebody who knew David very well and might give a slightly different answer than David was giving at the time about how he was feeling, someone who might have more objectivity. So it was a good balance.
And David liked it, I think because sometimes he was a bit distressed and so on and he thought that I could maybe sort of summarise things that happened when he wasn’t able to.
So that was, so the three of us, towards the end would have these appointments together and that was really helpful. And, yes, he would, he would talk everything through with David, instead of saying what, you know, “I’m suggesting this, but we could do this or that”. And, I suppose there were times when I thought well maybe you should have, almost be a little bit less like that, because obviously David’s getting to the point where it’s very difficult for him to kind of make decisions, maybe it would be good if you just said, “Right, I think we should do that.” But it’s such a fine line because, and I think the psychiatrist knew this, David was the sort of person that he really had to you know, he had to take on board what was being done. And he, he had to you know, believe in it. Or, you know, that sort of horrible phrase, he had to ‘buy into it’.
You know, otherwise he probably wouldn’t have done it. Because he was always, kind of changing his mind about whether a medication was right or not anyway, and I used to have to keep quite on top of it and say, “Look, we’ve decided this, so, you know, you need to at least try this for a bit. You can’t keep jumping around or it’s going to have terrible effects on you.” So you know, he had to absolutely buy into it from the start and I think the psychiatrist knew that and was very good about it and that’s why he helped, you know, made sure that David would partly be making the decision as well.
So yeah, that was sort a, a bit difficult. I’m sorry, I say it was a bit difficult just because, as, as I say, I wanted him to be a certain way with him but even I was chopping and changing all the time. You know, I think I’d get to the point where I was feeling a little bit kind of frustrated because I always think, “Oh God, is this next medication going to work or isn’t it?”
And so I suppose when you get like that although really you want to feel that you’re in control and that David’s in control, there comes a point where you just think, “Oh just tell me what the right thing is to do.”
You know. So…
And then, but I, I think he did a good job. And, and then, of course, you see, we had this new diagnosis so you might think, “Well, didn’t the other psychiatrist not do his job then? How come he didn’t see that?” But I think, you know, the psychiatrist in, the private psychiatrist at this hospital he diagnosed David straight away. Even he said, you know, “Look, it’s very difficult to diagnose.” And he said, “I am specialist that’s why I’ve seen it.
And, you know, the, the NHS psychiatrist said to me after he died, he said, “I did ask David on a number of occasions, you know, do you suffer from, or do you experience highs as well as lows and, and David always said ‘No, I’m just me, or I’m low’.”
And even I, you know, being outside of David, you know, I couldn’t see that because, you know, I suppose because I knew him well you know, the NHS psychiatrist may have been on the other side of it, he, you could say he, well sure he was more objective he should have seen it, but on the other hand he didn’t see enough of David to know that he would have had highs. He could only go on what we were both telling him, that’s all he could do.
So, in the end he was diagnosed in a private hospital.
That’s right. Yeah. That’s, that’s …
By a specialist.
That’s right, where he was an in-patient.
I can’t emphasise enough, you know, I don’t blame anybody, I really don’t. But if there’s any sort of lesson to be learnt it’s that maybe there isn’t enough awareness of this whole kind of bipolar spectrum things and that, you know, maybe you can be a little bit bipolar. And where it’s difficult to diagnose you just need to be aware because what they’re saying now is, and it, it could anything up to 50% of people who are diagnosed with unipolar depression are actually somewhere on the bipolar scale.