Teddy

Age at interview: 21

Brief Outline:

Teddy has experienced thrush since they were 17. They have found their condition is complicated by comorbidities of vaginismus and diabetes. As a non-binary person, Teddy’s gender identity has presented certain negative and positive effects for coping with recurrent thrush. 

Background:

Teddy (they/them) is a lesbian non-binary person. They work as a teaching assistant and part-time drag performer. Their background is white British.

More about me...

Teddy first experienced thrush at 17-years-old and then recurrently every two months for over a year while at university. Teddy describes feeling itchy, uncomfortable and in pain. After experiencing prolonged symptoms for three to four months, Teddy visited a general practitioner at a sexual health centre in January 2020. Teddy struggles with gynaecological settings, but found the doctor was nice and affirming.

As they live with vaginismus, Teddy could not have a swab taken to test for thrush. Therefore, the doctor recommended paying for over-the-counter thrush medication as they could not offer a prescription. While Teddy acknowledged the financial burden of this approach, they said it was “at the expense of me not having to put myself through a fairly painful medical procedure”. To get medication, Teddy visited multiple pharmacists in an attempt to not be recognised as they feared being denied the medication. Teddy has not since returned to see a general practitioner.

Currently, Teddy uses oral tablets to treat thrush, but desires to try pessaries which they viewed as the “cheapest and most successful medication”. However, due to vaginismus, Teddy was currently unable to use pessaries. Teddy found that the oral medication improves symptoms within two days, but that the infection eventually returns. Teddy has also used lidocaine, which was prescribed for vaginismus, to numb the discomfort caused by thrush. They also found that sleeping in tight pyjamas or underwear makes their symptoms worse, as well as when their diabetes is poorly controlled.

Teddy said that recurrent thrush has impacted their mood, making them more irritable. Teddy worries about its impact on new sexual relationships. They are also concerned that this could negatively impact their work where they need to be patient teaching children.

As a non-binary person, Teddy said that thrush treatment was marketed for cis-women and that they have been misgendered while seeking out medication. However, Teddy found that their identity helped avoid some of the pressures others face about feeling “less of a woman”. Many forums featured stories about feeling like “broken-women”, a sentiment that Teddy said they did not share due to their gender identity which they viewed as a positive.

Teddy is active on anonymous social media forums where others share their experience with vaginismus and recurrent thrush. These forums make them feel “less alone” and confident talking about these issues. This year, Teddy has suffered from two episodes of thrush and sees this as an improvement. They have found that their vaginismus is improving and plan to attempt to get a recurrent thrush diagnosis soon.

When thrush kept coming back, Teddy noticed it was a recurrent issue

I think I... I mean through about a three or four-month period at the start of university where I was never like fully comfortable, like physically, because of thrush, obviously it’s very like itchy and painful a lot of the time, I was like I wanted to claw my insides out, this is very stressful, which is a really gross image, I'm really sorry, but... yeah. But I was like, it would go away kind of, but there would still be like a vague discomfort there for a good four months, and it was like, ‘I don't think this is normal, WebMD doesn't like this anymore.’  So yeah, that was kind of when I realised, ‘I think this is a recurring thing,’ and I was like, ‘why isn’t this going away?’

Vaginismus (involuntary muscle spasms of the vagina) prevented Teddy from taking swabs.

I forgot to mention which is also possibly more relevant: I have vaginismus as well, and that meant that I couldn't get diagnosed with it because I can't do the physical exams, so I was kind of just... I kind of just worked out that I had it, but yeah, I couldn't get a prescription to... for any medication for it, like regularly, because I couldn't get diagnosed because I couldn't do the diagnostic process.

But yeah, that doctor was very sure about it, and was like, ‘oh, if you're not willing to... if you're not like comfortable with the kind of process to formally diagnose you with this, you can still just get like the over-the-counter stuff, treatments for it,’ which is what I still get, it’s like I have to pay for this but it’s at the expense of me not having to put myself through a fairly painful medical procedure, so it’s like, oh, there’s swings and roundabouts.

Before seeing a healthcare professional, Teddy read about recurrent thrush online and self-treated.

I did like a WedMD of it or something and I worked out that it was thrush probably, and then I started taking the medication and it went away, so I was like, ‘oh, that was probably it, I don't have to think about this again.’ And then I went to uni and I got it I would say every two months for about a year and a half, which was not great.

Teddy thought the emotional impact of thrush led them to have a shorter fuse.

I think it’s... it made me a lot more irritable, but it makes me a lot more irritable when I'm having symptoms of that because I'm just like I'm so... discomfort, I'm just... I’m like quietly angry at my own body, so it’s easy if... I've got a much shorter fuse than I do, otherwise which is normally not too bad because I'm quite... I'm a relatively calm person I like the think, but if something else annoys me, and I'm also having thrush symptoms, then I'm going to be a lot snappier about it because I'm just like at the end of my tether a little bit with my own body at that point, so I do think it makes me a little bit stroppier than I normally would be.

Teddy tried to not feel embarrassed when seeking thrush medications in the pharmacy.

Generally, I've not found too much judgement. Every now and then I've had people... like pharmacists look at me kind of weirdly for wanting thrush medication and not having a prescription for it. I think I was... I do still worry when I go into a shop, like I still feel a bit like, ‘I have to mention the name of what I'm getting really quietly because it’s a stigmatised thing,’ but over time I've tried to kind of get out of that and be like, ‘who’s really going to judge me? I can't be the most embarrassing person in this shop, like come on, that can't... that can't be...’ and like everyone’s embarrassed about whatever medical ailment they've got, I'm not going to be... ‘this is not going to be the most personal order that this pharmacist has heard this week,’ so I try and remind myself of that has made me a little bit less nervous about it, I think.

Teddy said that being non-binary meant that they had one less area of stigma to encounter as they did not feel “less of a woman”.

I think it’s... but I... it kind of from... let me know of a very common thing that is a lot of people do feel like it makes them less of a woman in the way that a lot of cis-men with erectile dysfunction can feel like they’re less manly for it. I do think a lot of people with things like thrush might feel it’s like a... it’s like that stereotype of like, ‘ah, pristine condition woman,’ but I do think that being non-binary’s kind of meant that I didn’t particularly get that to begin with, so that’s one less area of stigma that I happen... that’s like I’m less worried about it from... I’m not worried about it from that angle, so it makes that something.

Teddy worked in childcare and worried about the impact of mood changes on their job.

Now that I think about it, now that I've... I've got... I now work in childcare, I'm like a teaching assistant, so that would probably be a problem there because I'm like, ‘I don't want to snap at children,’ I have to be like very calm at my job because I have 30 four-year-olds shouting at me all the time, so that’s the only time I can see it kind of having a negative impact because I would like to be nice and calm, presentable teacher mode, and not getting stroppy about things that don't really matter.

Teddy explained the desperation of needing thrush medication.

I have to get... so I've got them from over the counter at pharmacies. Sometimes they just are like, “Have you had this in the past...” sort of they’d just be like, “Oh, have you had this in the past year or six months?” Me: “No,” is lying, and then they just believe me and give me it, but sometimes they're like... I've occasionally had people say, “No, we can't give you this because you don't have a prescription,” then I would just like, “OK,” and then I'd be like, “OK, that’s fair enough,” and me goes next door.

To go to a different pharmacy down the road because it’s just... I think once I get into a pharmacy, if I get denied it, I'm like the desperation kind of gets to me and I'm like, ‘I am so uncomfortable, I need this right now or I will scream and things,’ so I just kind of get more desperate and more willing to lie to pharmacists which is not a good practice to get into if you have other chronic illnesses.

Teddy found it difficult to know which records were shared with what specialists.

I don't think I did actually. I don't think I've... I didn't bring it up with my diabetes team because I assumed they would know because I assumed all my like records would be kind of together. I'm starting to actually think they're not, so I probably will bring it up at my next appointment. Because when I saw my kind of... I don't know what the term is for it, but I just think it was like my medical rap sheet of just like, ‘here’s what’s wrong with you.’ It didn't have my mental health stuff on it and it didn't have my sexual health stuff on it, and I was like... but I'm assuming they do have this information but just somewhere else, but I couldn't see it on the screen and was like, ‘I mean you should probably know this because this... I mean if... first of all if you know this you'll stop asking me about what my family planning information is because you'll know I'm not family planning because I have issues, so I think it would kind of streamline my medical appointments if they had all that information, so next time I... at my next like annual review I'm probably going to be like, ‘hey, so bonus fact, I have this and also my diabetes is probably related to it,’ so information, yeah, I think it would be good for them to know because I think it is all interconnected.

When Teddy feels thrush coming on, they “nip it in the bud”.

I think I'm in denial a lot less about it, because when I have got it, I was like I can tough this out, I don't... I can ignore this until it goes away, until it started to not go away, but now I get a symptom I’m immediately like, ‘I'm going to treat this because I, like, don't want to be in pain or uncomfortable because I don't deserve to be,’ but I think it was a lot easier to just kind of bury my head in the sand when I first had it and be like, ‘pretend we do not see it, I am not getting this ever again, and I... I don't have it now, I will just ignore it, I'll pretend I'm not in like the immense discomfort anytime I sit down, it’s fine,’ but I think I'm, yeah, in... I'm a lot more willing to nip it in bud quickly, just because I know what I'm dealing with now, I think.

Teddy felt that vaginal health was a neglected area.

I mean with anything to do with kind of like vaginal health it’s very easy to just be like... pretend you don't see it and pretend that you can just kind of tough it out, because I do think we're expected to do that a lot, like even with something like really severe period pains: if men were dealing with that they would not, like... it wouldn't be expected that cis-men tough it out and just cope without proper treatment or without kind of a... like the right medication for it, so why should that be expected of people with vaginas when you're experiencing something painful?

Teddy recommended sexual health websites which they found are less stigmatising and have more accurate information.

But yeah, I would say trusted sort of sexual health locations that you know aren’t going to be stigmatising and that you know are at least may be involved with the actual medical professionals, are probably the best way to go because something can be... something can be like sex-positive but not really know what it’s talking about still, or something can be very approved of by medical professionals but have a kind of stigmatising way of talking about something, so it’s kind of that finding that sort of happy middle between factual and affirming.