Mental health: ethnic minority carers’ experiences

I have two sons, both are bi-polar and have a bi-polar disorder. The first one happened when he was about 19 or 20, -then within, then the second one happened, he was only 16 and at first I do not understand what it is all about, because my first son always do something, and I would get annoyed and I would always think that he's lied to me. “You lie to me. You lie to me. Nothing wrong with him”. Until, until one day the police pick him up and put him in the hospital. Then I realised it was a psychiatry hospital, you know, for mental patients. So I said, “There's nothing wrong with my son, why is he there”? Then the psychiatrist, -make an appointment to see the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told me my son has mental problem and, you know, I could not accept it because he was doing well in school. But his problem is the company he mixed up with. My first son, when he was about 16, he start going out with the wrong crowd and they used to have parties and all these things. Actually he was living with his mother. I only see him weekends. And every time I see him, you know, we always do something. Then when his mother threw him out, he came and lived with me. Then I realised all this happening, which was a shock to me. Then they told me he was on drugs, and I couldn't believe it and because I only see him once a week, Saturday, Friday night, Saturday night he goes, -or Sunday night he goes back to his mother. And I have a talk to his mother. His mother says it's common. Everybody in school is doing it. So when he was living with me, I move him from one school to another, he, every time he get suspended or he gets, you know, suspension and all this thing…

Then the problem is always go back to the same group of friends. Yes but then again that's not uncertain that- But then again, when they told me he's mentally ill and the psychiatrist say to me, “Partly due to drugs”. So at the beginning I can't believe it, you know. Then before you know, the second one was thrown out too, and they came to me, the second one came to me too. And he was no better, he was even worse, because he start to, he hear voices and he was saying things which I don't, I can't see. He was talking me about the spirit, the ghost, you know, somebody is following him and all these things. Before you know, he'll end up in the same, the same hospital. Then they told me it's very unusual for two brothers to be there. Then there's no answer.

Before I became a carer I was living in Japan. I had a career, really enjoyable career. I met [husband] in Japan while he was working in Japan and we decided to be together, but that was followed by two years of separation. We had to sort out our, -well life, to get together. But at the time I didn't realise, or I didn't notice any signs of [husbands]'s mental health issues. But when I moved to UK in 2000, it didn't take very long me to realise some signs of his depression and rage, and difficulties to deal with other people. I thought it could have been just to happen to anybody and I didn't realise that it could be named as mental health problems. I just thought it's just his personality and, maybe he's very sensitive to stress. We married a year later. And then shortly after that he had a nervous breakdown, really bad one. That happened in where we used to live. And since then [husband] had to take quite a long off sick period and in the end he was redundant. And things got really worse and our life was almost like -in a jet coaster, and we were just carrying on to going down, down, down the slope. And then we eventually decided to move away from because when [Husband] had a nervous breakdown that was triggered by his work stress, having me around, and also we had to deal with a lot of racial harassment by local youths. So we decided to come down to live here. But still we, -I wasn't identified as a carer at the time. [Husband] as a bit refusal to see doctor but then things didn't stop to escalate. And about year later from the point [husband] finally sought some support from GP, and still from the point it took a further one year, me to be identified as a carer. But I had no idea what carers means at the time, and then what I can do to support [husband], just, but I was so determined to take our life back together because that was almost like a, how can I say? Crisis all over the world, and then we didn't have settlement life in marriage, all started all together. So it's just about -before, around the time when I became a carer.

Since 1969 until now, if I knew friends or some people, if there is general illness like high blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol, heart disease or moodiness, I will provide interpreting for them when they go to see their GP. From 1969 until now, -I have always been doing this. My English is not very good, but I am not shy to speak English. This isn't said by myself but other people, 'Your English is not very good but you are brave enough.' Although I don't know the exact medical term, I will try to give examples to explain by telling them the symptom and feeling of the patient. I would tell the doctor some examples and then the doctor would understand. I was lucky those doctors were nice. Once I went with my friend, at that time, 20ish years ago, my friend's daughter is now in her twenties, at the time my friend's daughter was 3. I bought them, I bought the mother and the daughter and I interpret for them. The GP said why the girl didn't speak English. I said to the doctor, “She is only 3 years old, she hasn't gone to school yet” Then the doctor lost his word.

But, -caring because, -they just feel responsible. Maybe the person who suffers from mental illness blames them quite often, very often. And the professionals blame them. And quite often in the acute services, if the staff don't understand or if the carer's been nagging them for something, then the staff are, you know, always going on about us because they've been angry with the staff. So the carers at the end feel responsible, that they are the cause of all this, you know, so. I don't know, -so reason works I suppose. And I would suggest that to all carers. That we may in the first instance feel that we're to blame but it is only human sometimes to feel frustrated and angry and things, which don't, -we expect things to work out perfectly, people to understand us all the time, when, you know, maybe they're not able to, really.