John - Interview 31

Age at interview: 46

Age at diagnosis: 19

Brief Outline:

John grew up in care homes and found it 'quite tough'. He had his first breakdown in his early 20s, and has had several admissions to hospital. He went to university but didn't complete the course due to an episode of ill-health, and is due to go back to work soon. He has had support from good friends and from his Christian faith.

Background:

John is a support worker, is single and has no children. Ethnic background' White Scottish.

More about me...

John says that his mother and grandfather had the same diagnosis as him (bipolar disorder). His father was a ‘heavy drinker’ and his parents’ marriage was ‘very rocky’. Family life was ‘quite difficult’. He was then ‘in and out of care’ until he was 9 and then had a long-term care order placed on him until he was 18. He found life quite tough in care and had to ‘stand on [his] feet pretty quickly’ and was bullied. He said it was hard to do your homework as it wasn’t seen as ‘something cool’.

 

John went to college and found it ‘quite stressful’ as he was doing bar work to supplement his grant. This combination ‘pushed him over the edge’ and that was when he had his first ‘breakdown’. He remembers ‘losing a lot of sleep’ and ‘being up a lot later than [he] normally would’. John went with his girlfriend at the time to see his pastor at 2.30am, and he remembers him being ‘very kind’. The pastor was his ‘first port of call’ rather than his GP. He never heard voices but did think the ‘Second Coming was on its way’ and although he was a Christian his thoughts weren’t ‘in-line’ with what he usually thought about his faith. He doesn’t really remember being admitted, but remembers being on a Section 3 and in hospital for six months. John felt he was given the ‘wrong medication’ and was ‘reduced to crawling around the corridor’. He felt like he had ‘been in care and [having been] in [one] institution and going into another one’. He was giving a diagnosis of bipolar at this time. He felt that the doctors were ‘secretive almost’ about ‘[his] illness’ and ‘the side effects of medication’. Over the next seven years he had eleven admissions to hospital. He felt that he had fewer rights than a prisoner would have when he was in hospital. He would put his medication down the toilet, then take it for a short period to keep ‘the authorities happy’ because he ‘couldn’t accept [he] had a mental health problem’. His describes his life at this time as ‘chaotic’. At one of the times when he was unwell he was abroad and had to come home. He wasn’t given the help he needed at the time, so he ended up being admitted to hospital. He didn’t know about his family history until much later, and feels that, if he had known, he would have accepted that he had a ‘problem’ and would have taken medication and therefore had fewer admissions.

 

John has been on Carbamazepine and ‘has been for a long time’ and doesn’t ‘really see the point of being on another medication’. Later he went to university and graduated and he felt that it was ‘something [he’d] been deprived of when [he] was younger. So it felt good’. After this he worked for Rethink as a Home Support worker and he had a ‘very supportive manager’. In his last admission he was ‘tri[ed] on different medication’ and had ‘very little choice’ as he was under a section. He had ‘tremors’ and he was ‘biting on [his] own teeth’ so much that he cracked his teeth.

 

John says his Christian faith is helpful and he prays every day. His has also attended support groups to get support ‘from a long line of people who have been through similar things’. John has also found counselling ‘helpful’ and thinks that his counsellor was a ‘good listener’. He would like to return to work soon, and see friends abroad again. He would like not to have any more admissions to hospital, and to build up relationships with his family. 

John's dad was a heavy drinker and his mum had bipolar affective disorder. He was brought up mainly in care until he was 18 and thinks that growing up in care isn't the ideal for any child.

Basically I’d come from the kind of describe a very dysfunctional family. My parents… well first of all my Mother had the same diagnosis as I’ve got, bipolar disorder and that didn’t help the marriage and my Father was a, was a heavy drinker as well. So, the marriage was very rocky and my family was quite difficult. And then I was in and out of care till I was 9, I think it was, and then I had a long term care order placed on me, till I was, until I was18. Then I was obviously, obviously left care then.

 

What was life like in care?

 

It was quite tough. It was quite tough. Because yes, I mean, when I first went into care it was okay. I was living in a children’s home in [place name]. Life up there was okay. But when I moved to the children’s home in [place name] it got a bit more difficult. Because there was a kind of, there were kind of different children, who were a bit more hard edge and tougher, and I learnt to kind of stand on my feet pretty quickly and there was enough, you know, there’s always a hierarchy within children’s homes, and because I was the new guy, they wanted to know how tough I was and I was picked on and bullied quite a bit and then it got to the stage where I could kind of stand up for myself and I got into a few fights there and so yes, it was quite tough. But it wasn’t, you know, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like I was fighting seven days a week. It was just that yes, it could be quite difficult at times and it’s not an ideal situation for any children let’s put it that way. You’re removed from your family, you know, with your brother and sister and everyone so it’s not, it’s not easy. 

 

Whilst under section in hospital John had a change of medication that made his jaw stiffen

Yes, well I remember the last time I was in hospital, [um] they were trying me on different medications then and you had very little choice then, because you know, you’re under section and you can’t really refuse medication. So I was getting a lot of, quite a few side effects from the medication I had in hospital. Like tremors were again quite, tremors and [er] also I was biting on my teeth a lot, to the point where I cracked my own teeth, because I was biting that hard down. I couldn’t control when that happened. [um] So you know, obviously I’m not on that medication any more I’m just back on carbamazepine okay, and so I don’t have any side effects from that.

 

 hm.

 

But yes they can be pretty severe, you know, and I don’t really, I don’t really know the thinking behind it. I think they sometimes, you know, call me cynical, but I think sometimes it’s a case of doctors just wanting to see how you react on certain medications and even if it’s not actually going to do you any good. I mean you have to be in that position to accept that. That’s what happens. Because you can’t refuse. Well if they recommend a medication and you’re under section you can’t refuse that medication anyway.