Depression

One day she (my social worker) knocked on the door and said, 'We're going to start a MIND group, a sort of MIND group, would you be interested in joining us?' So I got into that and because of my secretarial skills I was immediately taken on as a secretary of the working group. And, and that's how it went. And again because you're' becoming friendly with the professionals as it were, [pause] and [pause] at a point where you, you were starting to give something back, starting to help other people. And that made me realise how important it was to help other people. And I think that gives you an uplift doesn't it. And that's really what happened, that's, that's how I got back into normality.

So being involved in the MIND, and what it did for you specifically is it re-engaged your secretarial skills and you helped others?

It did. I suppose, you know I wasn't conscious of it, but I suppose, it gave me back confidence in my skills, that I hadn't lost them. Because I've been [pause] away for quite some time at that point [pause] what else did it do for me? Well I suppose it made me feel useful too, that I was of use. Again, I didn't consciously think of it then, but it will have, will have done that.  And I do think that the idea that it was benefiting somebody else as well, that it wasn't just 'self'. Which is a good thing because you do turn in on yourself. And it made one sort of stop being focused on just oneself. And look outwards towards other people. That was an important step I think in that.
 

I was very unhappy with Western culture, and when I talk to people in self-help groups, I very often find that a lot of the attitudes that I talk about, I've said about, you know wanting to get ahead and have a conventional family life and everything. Everyone's got to own car, and all this kind of stuff is just something that I collectively despaired of with other depressed people, that it's that kind of social brutalisation, almost, and all the expectations. The expectations you have as well, or other people have of you. That really' you can't cut yourself off from them because they exist but you can assert your right to be different. Yes, but anyway I'm getting far too philosophical now, I think.

And it was quite nice realising that these people did suffer from depression, and yet they were very intelligent and sensitive people. And you know, there's obviously no contradiction between the things but in fact, you know, you spend all that time feeling, looking at other people and I've felt I was worse than, you know, I felt I was'. and I felt I was missing something. I didn't have something that the rest of the human race had. But in fact, it turned out almost to be the opposite. That in fact, you know we have a certain sensitivity, I think, being depressed maybe.
 

[Laughs] About that time I heard a radio programme where they were talking about self-help groups. And I suppose this was really meant to be because the person was saying, "To benefit, really benefit from self-help groups, you really need to stay with it for 2 years," and I thought, "Rubbish, 2 years, no it won't take that long." But in fact on looking back a little bit, you know a few years down the line, I thought, "Yes 2 years is about right", not necessarily for the life of a group, for an individual. Now a self-help group isn't group therapy but it is very therapeutic.

How so?

By sharing, by sharing... well people meeting with a shared interest. You put something in, take something out. There are people there who, they won't say, "Pull yourself together, pull your socks up, what have you got to be depressed about?" There is none of that. The mutual support is just unbelievable.
 

And when I went to the self-help group a lot of the people say that I helped them by just talking in the group. And that's it.  I can't help myself so how could I help them!  But there is a lot of them they are frightened when they hear about medication and I've no....I heard somebody like my friend, she went on the carbamazepine and her hair fell out but I did nay say " [Humph] Oh I'm going to tell the doctor I've got to get off that in case my hair falls out". 

And sometimes at a self help group that's what happens. You can never but that.... Sometimes people.... hear you talk about your personal experiences with them, they say they feel like that or whatever but they can nay say, "Oh I'm going to ask the doctor can I get that".
 

Because the difficulty is Damien that the [support group umbrella] is not a professional body, and these self help groups which are under the umbrella of the [name], none of us are professionals, and there are some pretty intelligent people, but they're not health professionals. And I have to be a bit careful. I have to be careful leading the group that I'm not, I'm not being a therapist you see. 

On the other hand, I am being a therapist, I'm using it' I don't really want to run a group just to comfort people with depression, I don't want to. If I wanted to do that, any of them could be the leader of the group if that's all it is. Because all they do is just meet, swap stories and think well it's nice being with people that understand. Well of course it is, and it can even be very therapeutic in itself for certain people. But then once they've got to that stage, when they've had the therapy of just the sympathy, then they need something else. And some of the people in that group are not the sort of people who go to a counsellor for one reason or another, and so I'm determined that I'm going to bring a lot of the techniques that I've learned into the group, and offer to them. It's up to them whether they do anything with them or not, but that's what I'm going to do.