Conditions that threaten women’s lives in childbirth & pregnancy
Contact with the baby
Karen was in ITU after her haemorrhage and hysterectomy. Intensive care nurses helped her to go...
Karen was in ITU after her haemorrhage and hysterectomy. Intensive care nurses helped her to go...
When she was in intensive care, Hannah had to wait a long time to see her baby, because of the...
When she was in intensive care, Hannah had to wait a long time to see her baby, because of the...
Alison had to wait 27 hours before she met her son, as she was still on ITU. She felt sad that...
Alison had to wait 27 hours before she met her son, as she was still on ITU. She felt sad that...
Alex’s baby was born prematurely as she had grade 4 placenta praevia (the placenta covering the...
Alex’s baby was born prematurely as she had grade 4 placenta praevia (the placenta covering the...
Alison was very emotional when she was finally able to hold her son. She was still in ITU, but...
Alison was very emotional when she was finally able to hold her son. She was still in ITU, but...
Yes, it was. Yes. Yes, very emotional [laughs]. But yes, that was… but it was, that was hard as well, because I was still so, I was incredibly bloated. I was, I looked like, I don’t know what I looked… [laughs]. Somebody else who’s been through it described it as looking like a marshmallow man, and I think that… My, my fingers were so swollen, so blown up with all, just all the fluids I think, and the trauma and everything else. I couldn’t even bend my fingers. So trying to hold a baby with massive arms and fingers and everything else and being really, really sore and weak, was actually really hard and so I wasn’t able. I wasn’t, didn’t feel I was able to hold him for very long, and then I felt guilty that I couldn’t hold him for very long. And, that was quite, that was quite hard, because you want to hold them, and I think you see, before you have a baby, you see all these sort of idealistic, you have this idealistic picture in your head, and what it’s like when you’ve got a baby, that you’ll spend all the time cuddling them, and I didn’t feel like I could do that, because just holding him to start with, was just exhausting. So that was really, that was really difficult sort of emotional battle really. You want to be doing something, but you know, physically you’re not able to do it so… that was quite hard.
Lisa felt terrible that she felt so confused about her baby when she came round from her...
Lisa felt terrible that she felt so confused about her baby when she came round from her...
Kate was separated from her son for 4 days and was worried whether he would know her when they...
Kate was separated from her son for 4 days and was worried whether he would know her when they...
Anna had septicaemia (blood poisoning) and was very weak when she came home. It was hard being...
Anna had septicaemia (blood poisoning) and was very weak when she came home. It was hard being...
And that was a whole new challenge, because it was, it was relief to be around my children, but being around them and not being Mum, not really being Mum. That was hard, you know. The fact that everyone else was looking after him and that I wasn’t, because for me, it’s important to be Mum, it’s important to be that special person because Mum’s are special. No matter who they are, they’re special. And I wanted to be special. I was special to [older son], I wouldn’t, I was like there all the time doing everything for him. I was, you know, I wouldn’t say obsessed but I was really, I loved being a Mum and it was so hard not to be able to do that for [younger son]. And that sort of made me go up and down quite a lot. I found it sort of hard to bond, not that I hated, I never hated him, not once. People ask me, I had a lot of people saying, “Do you resent the baby?” No never. I’d do it all over again, if it meant I could have him, no questions asked. But it was the hard fact that I, mentally couldn’t do it. And physically couldn’t do it, and I was going through so much other stuff that… my whole body and brain couldn’t make sense of, how was I going to be there for somebody else when my body couldn’t even make sense of it myself. But as I got better, I did, I made, like made much more effort and things like that, because I wanted to be that Mum so bad. And I have. You know, we are there now, you know, and it did take a long time, and it does take time. And in this sort of situation they don’t, it doesn’t just happen, you know, and that’s something I found really hard, because I just wanted it to be done, over and done with now.
Jo still feels she is slightly detached from her son, because of his birth was so sudden and quick.
Jo still feels she is slightly detached from her son, because of his birth was so sudden and quick.
I think I felt, and I still do to a degree actually if I’m really honest, feel slightly detached. I mean I love him dearly, but I think it was because I had, you know, this, it was so sudden. It was so quick, his birth, that I actually think, well how do I actually know he was mine. I wasn’t there. [Husband] wasn’t there. He doesn’t look like me, you know, there’s all these funny things go through your head and when you sort of… and I just think, oh how do I know? I just have to trust them, that they gave me the right child. And it’s really, really hard and especially where my daughter was born, because I was conscious and I was, you know, I saw her come straight out. And I felt awful. I thought well I didn’t have that with him. And it, you know, it really has. I mean I know in future I’m going to have to work a lot harder at my relationship with him because of it. So yes, its, I think what happened is, its, so there I’m finding it much, much easier to talk about now. I think it still will be there for different, it’ll come up at different stages of my life I think. I think it’s a bit simplistic to say, oh you know, I’m over it now, because I’m not, I am over it to a degree but I don’t think I’m going to forget, you know, that day or the implications of that day, ever, I don’t think.
Cate went back into hospital with her newborn while doctors investigated her pulmonary embolism ...
Cate went back into hospital with her newborn while doctors investigated her pulmonary embolism ...
Last reviewed April 2016.
Copyright © 2024 University of Oxford. All rights reserved.