Acne (young people)
Friendships and romantic relationship with acne
Many people spoke about how friends and partners gave them support, but a few felt isolated or found it difficult to talk to others about their acne.
Most people recognised that their acne probably seemed worse to them than it did to other people. Nevertheless, for some, having acne could make them less confident about seeing friends, meeting new people or being in relationships. Ollie felt it was “harder to make new friends with low self-esteem, low confidence that acne often gives people”. Friendships and acne
Having friends to talk to was usually seen as a good thing – Rachael’s friends were “really supportive and made me feel more positive about it”. Friends who also had acne often wanted to share their experiences and get or give advice and support. Will took isotretinoin when he was younger and, since then, has talked to some friends about it. Friends sometimes asked Tom about skincare products he recommended when they saw the products in his room at home. Friends without acne could also appreciate their expertise – Harriet’s friends saw her as a “fount of knowledge” about skin care in general.
Friends could also offer practical support like going along to medical appointments with the person. Emotional support was important too and friends could help make the person with acne feel they weren’t being judged. Many young people liked having someone understanding to talk to about how acne affected their confidence and mood.
Did you go to a doctor at any stage about your skin?
Yeah I think, yeah I did. When I was 16. Yeah ‘cos it, it got really bad and then, yeah then we went to the skin clinic. Then they gave like, I don’t know some sort of procedures, I don’t know what. Yeah basically you had to put lots of different layers of stuff every night. Yeah so that like you can remove the scar and stuff. Yeah, yeah.
So could you tell me a bit about how you ended up going to the skin clinic?
It was just like it got worse and then like my friends around me were saying like, “Oh yeah, that that skin clinic is like good”. So and my friends like go there so yeah. So we just go together to the skin clinic, yeah.
So did you have to get a referral from your GP or could you directly go to the skin clinic?
Anybody could. Yeah anybody can go there, yeah. I mean it’s quite, it’s quite popular actually, the skin clinic. Like we wake up at 6:00 am and to queue and it opens at 9:00 yeah. And it’s really, it’s crazy ‘cos like me and my friends had to go like, about like, at what time of year, day, we went. We went at 7 something. Yeah so we were a bit late and then we couldn’t get the queue number. Yeah so, yeah that’s. Yeah so many people back there have, actually have skin problems [laugh] so yeah. Yeah and it’s yeah the doctor is really good.
Feeling isolated with acne
However, some suffered from low self-esteem as a result of their acne or simply didn’t want to see friends when they felt they weren’t looking their best. Some people had experienced hurtful comments and a few were bullied because of their acne. Even when people had friends who were understanding, being self-conscious about their acne made some “withdraw” or “hide away”. It could make it worse when friends who didn’t have acne, and so didn’t understand what it was like to have acne, tried to give advice. Rachael feels there’s a big difference between having just “the occasional spot” and having acne. If these were friends who they were not close to, they could feel awkward and a couple of people said they preferred it if friends didn’t mention their acne.
I've had really good conversations with a lot of friends who also suffered from acne. But I think anyone who didn't suffer from it, I didn't really speak to about it because it's not really worth it. Like the worst people are people who have like a spot and they, they’ll want to talk to you about how awful it is to be spotty. And yeah, I don't think you understand what it's like when it's genuinely really painful and like scarring. I think if you just never have clear skin at all, it's a bit different to them having like one spot. But I think people who also suffer from it were the only people I really would have spoken to about it and still do speak to. And I always find that really, really helpful.
Yeah, I definitely spoke to my friends a lot about like having bad skin. Cos they always encouraged me and said that that wasn’t the case and, I was always like, "But, kind of like, it's so noticeable." They were, like "Can you not just see it?” Like it's like always like there; it's uncomfortable, it's red, it's like protruding. But, I think it was really good to talk to people about it and my family were really supportive as well. It did annoy me though when people would like point it out or be like, "You need to do it like, like what are you going to do about this?" cos you don’t really want to face up to it sometimes. But, yeah it definitely helped talking to friends and, yeah they would be like, "Oh, so it's actually acne?" and I was like, "Yeah," whereas they were just like I think, thought that it was just a bit of bad skin but, I just knew it wouldn’t, was not going away at all like, yeah.
So that’s an interesting word thing as well isn't it, sort of labelling ‘acne’ or ‘just bad skin’?
Yeah and I think some of my friends like were…they didn’t…were a bit like, they didn’t know really about it and they hadn’t been through it and so I felt sometimes it was a bit frustrating cos it was always there for me, whereas some of them just like… I felt like they took it for granted that they just had the occasional spot or sometimes just a bit, a few spots. And I felt like there's a big difference between the two, yeah.
For some, talking about acne was just not something they wanted to do, whether they had close friends or not. Emma and Ish didn’t feel comfortable speaking to friends about their acne until they were in their mid to late teens.
Romantic relationships with acne
The people we interviewed ranged in age between 13 and 23 years old. Some who were older reflected back that when they first had acne in their early teens they were not looking for romantic relationships and were more interested in friendships and study.
I think when I was at school, I was, I was quite romantically unsuccessful at school. And I know this sounds bizarre but I was very embarrassed about being un-, not very romantically successful but I never remember blaming the acne on it. I remember thinking that, I remember blaming my hair which was quite bushy at the time and I remember worrying that everyone thought that I was a nerd or a geek and just not very interesting and I remember worrying about not being cool enough and not wanting to go drinking and not being funny and not being a good dancer but I don’t actually remember [laughs] worrying about acne too much. I mean maybe I’m just forgetting it. And I did, I did worry about the rash. And yeah when I got to university it just didn’t really…
People often wanted to look their best when meeting potential partners and felt that others would make judgements about them because of their acne. Eli felt that “boys don’t really find it [acne] attractive”.
Oh yeah, definitely. If you’re looking for a girlfriend or like even just meeting girls you wanna be good mates with, like obviously they’re, like if they’re a nice girl they’re not going to judge you at all, but in your, in your own mind you’re always going to be like, “Oh, I don’t look good today”, and it’s just going to play on your mind and you will feel self-conscious. Well, I mean, it’s, some people might not, but in most cases you’re probably likely to.
I mean, it always, it’s always worse in your own head than it is in theirs - like they’ll probably not notice it, but you’ll notice it a lot more.
Feeling self-conscious about their acne could affect how they interacted with others. When Nina met someone she found attractive, she felt ‘held back’ by the thought of “Oh but you’ve got bad skin”. Hester couldn’t keep eye contact with men when she had acne and wasn’t wearing make-up because she “felt guilty that they had to look at me and I’m just like a bit of an eyesore”. However, Rachael always felt like “quite a confident person” and that “if I was wearing make-up I was OK looking”.
Yeah, well you do feel uncomfortable showing boys, you know, your back or you feel kind of, I feel always really exposed when there’s a lot of light and then he can see spots for instance or still do sometimes. You know, it’s not I don’t have the big acne spots now but sometimes you do have little, little pimples or something, you don’t and you’re really like, “OK, fine, a little one is fine”. But you would still feel very aware that he might see it or I guess, I don’t know, I always felt more comfortable dating a guy who also sometimes has a little spot somewhere or something than someone who has a completely clear skin.
So I would always feel a bit uncomfortable with someone who didn’t have anything, you know.
But not everyone was as concerned about their acne. A few people spoke about being in a relationship as a source of support. Also people could become more confident over time, or as their skin cleared up.
Most people recognised that their acne probably seemed worse to them than it did to other people. Nevertheless, for some, having acne could make them less confident about seeing friends, meeting new people or being in relationships. Ollie felt it was “harder to make new friends with low self-esteem, low confidence that acne often gives people”. Friendships and acne
Having friends to talk to was usually seen as a good thing – Rachael’s friends were “really supportive and made me feel more positive about it”. Friends who also had acne often wanted to share their experiences and get or give advice and support. Will took isotretinoin when he was younger and, since then, has talked to some friends about it. Friends sometimes asked Tom about skincare products he recommended when they saw the products in his room at home. Friends without acne could also appreciate their expertise – Harriet’s friends saw her as a “fount of knowledge” about skin care in general.
Friends could also offer practical support like going along to medical appointments with the person. Emotional support was important too and friends could help make the person with acne feel they weren’t being judged. Many young people liked having someone understanding to talk to about how acne affected their confidence and mood.
Fatima talks about going to a private skin clinic with friends.
Fatima talks about going to a private skin clinic with friends.
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Yeah I think, yeah I did. When I was 16. Yeah ‘cos it, it got really bad and then, yeah then we went to the skin clinic. Then they gave like, I don’t know some sort of procedures, I don’t know what. Yeah basically you had to put lots of different layers of stuff every night. Yeah so that like you can remove the scar and stuff. Yeah, yeah.
So could you tell me a bit about how you ended up going to the skin clinic?
It was just like it got worse and then like my friends around me were saying like, “Oh yeah, that that skin clinic is like good”. So and my friends like go there so yeah. So we just go together to the skin clinic, yeah.
So did you have to get a referral from your GP or could you directly go to the skin clinic?
Anybody could. Yeah anybody can go there, yeah. I mean it’s quite, it’s quite popular actually, the skin clinic. Like we wake up at 6:00 am and to queue and it opens at 9:00 yeah. And it’s really, it’s crazy ‘cos like me and my friends had to go like, about like, at what time of year, day, we went. We went at 7 something. Yeah so we were a bit late and then we couldn’t get the queue number. Yeah so, yeah that’s. Yeah so many people back there have, actually have skin problems [laugh] so yeah. Yeah and it’s yeah the doctor is really good.
However, some suffered from low self-esteem as a result of their acne or simply didn’t want to see friends when they felt they weren’t looking their best. Some people had experienced hurtful comments and a few were bullied because of their acne. Even when people had friends who were understanding, being self-conscious about their acne made some “withdraw” or “hide away”. It could make it worse when friends who didn’t have acne, and so didn’t understand what it was like to have acne, tried to give advice. Rachael feels there’s a big difference between having just “the occasional spot” and having acne. If these were friends who they were not close to, they could feel awkward and a couple of people said they preferred it if friends didn’t mention their acne.
Deborah felt isolated because friends didn’t understand what it was like to have acne. She thinks getting emotional support from friends, rather than practical advice, is really important.
Deborah felt isolated because friends didn’t understand what it was like to have acne. She thinks getting emotional support from friends, rather than practical advice, is really important.
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And there isn't a one size fits all for supporting someone with acne, but. I think it's more recognising the emotional support is needed, rather than the physical support. I guess that's something that some of my friends have fallen into, they've tried to help by suggesting things I can do to make it better. And I get really quite frustrated at that, because I know all the things I can do to make it better. And people will say, "Oh have you tried this, this cream? I found it was really helpful when I had chickenpox." And I'm like, 'that's, that's a nice sentiment but it's not chickenpox, it's - I've tried all the creams that are out there, you can't - there won't be just some offhand general knowledge comment that can help.' But what I need is the emotional support, and I need for people to say, "Oh you're so much more than that, I know this is difficult now but it'll get better." All those sort of more personal support than the practical support is needed. Which sometimes - especially practical people tend to fall into. Perfectly well-meaning, I know they mean to help. But sometimes it's, it's not helpful at all. Cos it just makes you feel more isolated, that they don't understand what you're going through. And fair enough, why should they understand? But until you've been through it, I don't think you can. But you can be supportive through anything. You can make sure that you’re there, make sure you're reminding them that they're there more than that, that they're, that they’re your friends, they're there for you in whatever way. And they want to help, if you show them how to. You can't just expect them to know, know how to off the bat, so. I think that would be my main thing to friends and family, is it's emotional support not the physical support that they need.
Hester only really spoke about her acne to other friends who had acne.
Hester only really spoke about her acne to other friends who had acne.
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None of Rachael’s friends had acne. It was helpful talking to them about it, but it could be frustrating too.
None of Rachael’s friends had acne. It was helpful talking to them about it, but it could be frustrating too.
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So that’s an interesting word thing as well isn't it, sort of labelling ‘acne’ or ‘just bad skin’?
Yeah and I think some of my friends like were…they didn’t…were a bit like, they didn’t know really about it and they hadn’t been through it and so I felt sometimes it was a bit frustrating cos it was always there for me, whereas some of them just like… I felt like they took it for granted that they just had the occasional spot or sometimes just a bit, a few spots. And I felt like there's a big difference between the two, yeah.
Romantic relationships with acne
The people we interviewed ranged in age between 13 and 23 years old. Some who were older reflected back that when they first had acne in their early teens they were not looking for romantic relationships and were more interested in friendships and study.
When she was at school, Sarah was more worried about what people might think of her hair and worried she might seem less attractive because she was studious.
When she was at school, Sarah was more worried about what people might think of her hair and worried she might seem less attractive because she was studious.
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Chris thinks it’s normal to feel self-conscious about your acne when meeting romantic interests.
Chris thinks it’s normal to feel self-conscious about your acne when meeting romantic interests.
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I mean, it always, it’s always worse in your own head than it is in theirs - like they’ll probably not notice it, but you’ll notice it a lot more.
Alexandra is very aware about partners seeing her body acne. She prefers to date boys who don’t have completely clear skin themselves.
Alexandra is very aware about partners seeing her body acne. She prefers to date boys who don’t have completely clear skin themselves.
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So I would always feel a bit uncomfortable with someone who didn’t have anything, you know.
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