Testicular Cancer
How testicular cancer affects you
Most men became aware that something was seriously wrong, either during the ultrasound scan, or later, when the urologist identified a tumour in the testis. One man said that during the time of investigations he 'went numb', suppressed his feelings, but expected the worst.
Recalled that he suppressed his feelings while he waited for the results of the tests.
Recalled that he suppressed his feelings while he waited for the results of the tests.
Well, I think I started to shut down, sort of suppressing feelings really, I just went numb. As I went on and on, and through these different appointments and tests, I just began to shut down. I realised from the start that there was something wrong but nobody was telling me that. I think I was trying to believe that there was nothing wrong, you know, that's why they weren't saying anything; no news is good news sort of thing. But deep down I knew there was something. And I never got emotional, I never openly sort of worried about it, but I think I just shut down you know expecting the worse.
When they heard the diagnosis several men said that they cried, either with the doctor, their families, or on their own.
Recalls the shock he experienced when he was told that he would have to have a testicle removed.
Recalls the shock he experienced when he was told that he would have to have a testicle removed.
What were your feelings at that stage?
At that stage I said "Right okay," asked him what time and everything and he said a letter would be coming through the post that day. I put the phone down, got up, went into the toilets where I worked and cried. I remember saying, why me, at one point, I think when I put the phone down I said, why me, but I remember getting up and going into the toilets and crying. I was working in an office with 7 chaps so it was, I was surrounded, wasn't on my own in an office where it wouldn't have been so bad, but I was surrounded by people. And although I'd worked with them for a long time it's a different kettle of fish when you're talking about that sort of thing.
Did he give you a diagnosis over the telephone?
He didn't give me anything he just told me that I was going to be having an operation on Thursday morning and it was to remove a testicle. And nobody had mentioned it up to that point at all.
Awful.
So I was just thrown in to complete shock. I went to the toilet, cried my eyes out, came back to my desk and I carried on I think for some strange reason.
Recalls that he hid his emotion from the doctor when given the diagnosis.
Recalls that he hid his emotion from the doctor when given the diagnosis.
Yeah I've always been the sort of person that's always fought things, I've always, not physically fought but you know always been proud of the way that I get on with things and I've always been, you know want to see the funny side of things really. And I actually said to the doctor at the time when he told me, he said, " You are allowed to show some emotion." And I just said, "Doctor, look I'm a Leeds United supported, I get worse news than this every Saturday." And he said "Are you sure you're alright, do you want people, me to ring people?" I said, "No, no I'll do it." And he went out of the room and when he went out the room I burst into tears and I don't mind admitting it, yeah.
However, men's reaction varied widely. One man, who only waited four days between his first consultation with the urologist, and the surgery to remove a testicle, said that at the time he didn't have any feelings because everything happened so fast it 'didn't really dawn what was going on'.
Men we spoke to had different reactions to the diagnosis depending on their age, whether or not they were in a relationship, and whether or not they had children already. One young man, for example, who was diagnosed aged 15, feared he might not be able to have children (see 'Fertility').
Some men we interviewed feared the worst because they didn't know that testicular cancer is highly curable, and they had known other people suffer from other forms of cancer. One man was terrified because his mother had died of cancer.
Remembers that he was terrified when he was diagnosed with cancer.
Remembers that he was terrified when he was diagnosed with cancer.
Some men were devastated when they heard the diagnosis. For example, one young man, aged 24, who had a lump removed from his neck, almost fainted when told it was a secondary tumour, which had spread from the testicle.
Waiting for surgery could be a difficult time. During an ultrasound examination a man was told he had a cyst in the testicle. Later, his urologist told him that it could be either a blood clot or a tumour. While waiting six days for surgery to remove his testicle he tried to deny any serious implications. However, he slept badly and had nightmares.
While waiting for surgery he tried to put it out of his mind, but didn't sleep well and had nightmares.
While waiting for surgery he tried to put it out of his mind, but didn't sleep well and had nightmares.
I didn't sit down and cry and get any sort of emotional release. I must admit I didn't sleep very well and I had a few nightmares about what could happen. And I think a lot of people, well certainly me, you think of the worse as opposed to the best. And just sort of tried to deal with it. And I was almost living a little bit in denial even up to the, right up to the point where I thought to myself, right okay I'm having it out but it probably isn't that bad, it probably isn't, and even if it is you know I can get on and do this. And I was using that as a defence mechanism, almost trying to put it to the back of my mind and you know let it happen. Because I'm of the view that there's nothing that I can physically do about it until, so why, I know it's very easy to say but why worry about it? And I really did manage to push it to the back of my mind and that was certainly the easiest way for me to deal with it because I knew that I was in the best hands, that certainly the emphasis on testicular cancer has risen quite a lot, you know even from two or three years ago. And that's one of the things the urologist said. He said "Five, ten years ago you might have had to wait six months for this operation," but now as I said I got it done in ten days.
Which year is all this?
This year, 2001.
Another man, who knew he had cancer, said that the four days between the diagnosis and the surgery were the worst days of his life, because he imagined a monster growing inside him.
Asserts that the worst part was waiting for surgery and imagining that the cancer was a monster. growing inside of him.
Asserts that the worst part was waiting for surgery and imagining that the cancer was a monster. growing inside of him.
I mean the worst thing for me was the four days between finding out that I had testicular cancer and the operation. The thing that I personally found the worst, and other people might find it different, was the fact that there was something growing inside of me that wasn't part of me. That was the worst thing for me. It was the image I had of this horrible monster thing, sort of like out of a 1950s Boris Karloff horror movie, this spawned monster thing growing inside of me, slowly eating away at me. It was 4 days, they was the most horrendous 4 days in my life but once the, once the tumour was removed and once I started on the chemotherapy I felt better because I knew that it was over. Look the success rates in testicular are in excess of 90%, in excess of 90% means that it is totally curable, that's if you get it treated.
Even though men we spoke to were told that the cure rate for testicular cancer was excellent, many worried that they wouldn't survive. One recalled feeling isolated and depressed. Some thought about possible death, and focused on things that they still wanted to do in life.
Recalls his feelings of shock, depression, and isolation when diagnosed with cancer.
Recalls his feelings of shock, depression, and isolation when diagnosed with cancer.
Finding out that the cancer had spread was also a terrible shock. When first diagnosed with testicular cancer, one young man, born with only one testicle, was mainly concerned about his sex life. However, when he learnt that the cancer had spread, he told us the news was 'really devastating'.
Although the diagnosis came as an awful shock many men were reassured by the excellent cure rate. Indeed, as men recovered and realised that they were going to survive, many suggested that cancer had had a positive effect on their lives (see 'Attitude to life').
Explains that learning about the high cure rate was reassuring.
Explains that learning about the high cure rate was reassuring.
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