Interview 09
More about me...
Explains that he delayed seeking help because he did not want to face the problem.
Explains that he delayed seeking help because he did not want to face the problem.
To be honest I would say 18 months yeah, yeah, yeah. I eventually decided to go and see my GP and
Why did you delay for so long?
Well I've thought long and hard about that and I wondered if the, deep down I knew there was a problem but I didn't like to face the fact, may be, may be. But it wasn't painful, it wasn't uncomfortable for a long time and I think men in general perhaps don't want to know.
Why do you think men in particular?
I'm not sure, I'm not sure. I don't think they like to make a fuss perhaps or be seen to be weak, caring about their bodies perhaps is, I don't know traditionally perhaps is seen as a sign of weakness in men, I don't know, I don't know. But as I say when it got to the point where I couldn't ignore it any more I went to my GP. And he didn't seem to think there was anything wrong particularly but he said he'd send me to the local hospital to have it checked out. And it was about 6 weeks later when I went down there.
Recalled that he suppressed his feelings while he waited for the results of the tests.
Recalled that he suppressed his feelings while he waited for the results of the tests.
Well, I think I started to shut down, sort of suppressing feelings really, I just went numb. As I went on and on, and through these different appointments and tests, I just began to shut down. I realised from the start that there was something wrong but nobody was telling me that. I think I was trying to believe that there was nothing wrong, you know, that's why they weren't saying anything; no news is good news sort of thing. But deep down I knew there was something. And I never got emotional, I never openly sort of worried about it, but I think I just shut down you know expecting the worse.
Says that he found the 'chat rooms' and message boards on American websites useful.
Says that he found the 'chat rooms' and message boards on American websites useful.
I found some very good American sites, medical sites and they're sort of interactive so you can mail people on a, like is it a chat pool do they call it or something like that?
A chat room.
It's a message board or whatever and people can respond to your questions and you know who've had similar experiences etc, which again was very good.
Have you used that, have you sent messages to other people?
Yes I have, yes, yes. But information-wise I found there was very little in Great Britain. I also found that some of the terminology, the American terminology wasn't quite what we use over here, so it was difficult. So I did find out a lot about testicular cancer, the various types, the sort of age groups it affects and I suppose I wanted information, I wasn't getting information from the hospital or the doctors, I found it out for myself really.
Explains why he was glad that he was told he would have radiotherapy to prevent any recurrence.
Explains why he was glad that he was told he would have radiotherapy to prevent any recurrence.
I was told there's 3 paths they could take; to have chemotherapy, radiotherapy or none and it would be decided for me which way they would go.
You couldn't help to make that decision?
No, not as I, no, no, no. There were trials apparently of various things at the time but I wasn't offered an option. I was told I'd have 17 sessions of radiotherapy over a month.
Did you ask how they made that decision or why they made that decision?
No I trusted them to make the right decision (laughs). The most worrying thing, I was most worried about them saying, "You won't have any treatment at all,"
You wanted to have some treatment?
I felt some treatment, yes that's right.
Can you explain why you felt that?
There was something said about this course where you don't have any treatment at all, to see how the body naturally recovers or whatever, and I found that quite worrying because I thought you know everybody said to me this is a matter of timing, you know get diagnosed early, you need to get into hospital quickly, you know and all the rest of it. And now we need to, I had to cancel the family holiday because you know I needed to get on with this radiotherapy and all this sort of thing, it was all about time and speed, "So we can catch anything if there's anything there." So the thought of, without them knowing anything, any more about me or the state I was in, to say we're going to try giving you no treatment, was quite worrying, because if there was something there then it would give it time to spread, that was my reasoning.
Recalls the time when he was examined at the hospital but was not given any information.
Recalls the time when he was examined at the hospital but was not given any information.
For ultrasound?
Ultrasound yes ultrasound.
Recalls that he wasn't offered sperm banking because the doctor assumed that he had completed his family.
Recalls that he wasn't offered sperm banking because the doctor assumed that he had completed his family.
Right well I went down that afternoon, I spent the day in bed there and people came and saw me and they were very jolly and asked me, got me some details and I remember one guy, a consultant I believe, or a registrar are they called when they're on the ward, I'm not sure, but he went through his list of things he should be asking me and he mentioned fertility and said "Oh you've got 2 children haven't you," he said "so that won't be a problem to you," then passed on. And it was only later I realised that you know there is a point to that because you can bank sperm. I never realised but it wasn't offered to me, probably because I was mid 40s and had 2 children already, which I think is a bit naughty but there you go.
Explains that the prosthesis made him feel 'whole again', and would make it easier for him to start new relationships.
Explains that the prosthesis made him feel 'whole again', and would make it easier for him to start new relationships.
You mentioned earlier that you were thinking about possibly a prosthesis but it wasn't offered to you at the time of the operation?
Mm
Did you ever go back and say you would like that or think about it again?
Yes I did, in fact I had it done, yeah. About a year ago I asked the consultant and he said absolutely no problem. So I was fine, I went in and that's quite a simple operation. They go in through the same scar almost and insert it and they just tack it inside your scrotum so it doesn't move about. And that was sore for a couple of days, not as bad as the original operation and it's been fine ever since and I've been complimented on it (laughs). I hasten to add by medical professionals (laughs).
Does it feel much different from the other one?
No, not at all no. I mean, I know so it's, but no it is very, very good. Because there's a lot of negative stuff on the Internet I came across about anti prosthesis that said it can cause all sorts of nasty reactions and you could reject it, it can move about, it's never the same, but I've found it excellent, yeah.
How long ago was that ?
It's about 12 months yeah. I believe now it's being offered at the point of the original operation as a matter of course so things change, things move on.
Can you explain, I know it's quite difficult perhaps to put into words, can you explain why you felt it was important to have a prosthesis?
I suppose it's, it completes the circle doesn't it, it sort of makes you whole again, perhaps. I never wanted it to be an issue, I'm not in a relationship at the moment but if I do go into a relationship I don't want the fact that I've got one testicle to be an issue, you know. That's something I could broach with you know somebody as you get to know them better but I didn't want it to be an issue from, you know from the start.
Suggests that masculinity and self-esteem may be affected by the loss of a testicle.
Suggests that masculinity and self-esteem may be affected by the loss of a testicle.
I think so yes, yes, I think anything that affects men in the, down below in that way can have an effect on their sort of what's the word, what's the word, self esteem I suppose, their self image as men is suddenly affected isn't it. I suppose I relate it very much to a woman losing a breast you know she may feel that she's lost her femininity and that's widely understood. It's the same for men.
Reassures men that they will be able to get holiday insurance if they look carefully.
Reassures men that they will be able to get holiday insurance if they look carefully.
So it's worth looking?
It's worth looking yeah don't be put off by that.
Oh that's good.
I was quoted over '1,000 to insure me to fly to Greece and back, where I eventually got it for about '28.
That's good so it's worth looking carefully.
Yes.