Interview OV33

Age at interview: 57

Age at diagnosis: 56

Brief Outline: Ovarian cancer diagnosed in 2003 following shoulder pain, abdominal bloating, cough, and pain on eating. Treated by surgical removal of ovaries and womb followed by chemotherapy.

Background: Artist, divorced, one adult child.

Thinks that stress may have triggered her cancer.

Okay, and do you have ideas about causes of ovarian cancer and why you should have developed it?

I believe that stress is a major cause of disease in general, but talking, thinking about my case in particular yes I've had a lot of stress following the break up of my marriage and subsequent divorce and general stresses that one has in life, but it was a very stressful period of time and last year a very close good friend had a heart attack and died one night. It was an enormous shock and I took it very badly, and I do think that, while it didn't cause my cancer, the cancer was waiting for something like that to happen, and it happened and it's just said 'whoopee chaps, we've got her, another one'.

Had a bowel blockage cleared using an enema.

I had a blockage at one point, which was pretty scary. Woke up one morning feeling okay, had breakfast and then about an hour later started to get bad pain, really bad pain, lay down for a while and you know when you're going to be sick, and so without being too graphic, I vomited for about an hour and then rang the nurses, somebody rang the nurses and they said 'well you must come in and bring an overnight bag because, just in case'. I got hold of my daughter, who immediately rushed round, and it was awful for her to see me like that, but anyway, she took me in and I was still vomiting in her car. 

The pain was quite horrible, they gave me something for the pain and it didn't have any effect, then I had to have an x-ray, is it an x-ray or a scan? Well I don't remember much about the day because the stuff they were giving me, that was all a bit of a blur as well, and but they kept me in for a couple of nights because I had a blockage and I was supposed to pass it and I had all this purge stuff which didn't work, they couldn't believe it, and finally had a couple of enemas and somehow we got rid of the blockage. 

Updated her will and planned her funeral after getting the diagnosis.

And what I decided, that I had to get a few things in order. I had to make sure my will was up, in order, and I went to see the vicar, the local reverend because I wanted my daughter not to have to worry about all the funeral arrangements, if it was going to happen. I knew I had to have an operation fairly quickly, and I mean you can have your wisdom tooth out and not come out of it, you know, I wasn't being over dramatic at that point I didn't think. So I went to see him and I think he thought I was being a bit dramatic given that I, you know, but he probably sees that all the time. I didn't know him, by the way, I mean I just rang him up and said, you know, I don't go to church or anything, but I wanted to do it right, I wanted to make sure that, anyway. 

Describes a form of visualisation she used to help her deal with her cancer.

And then I read of a visualisation someone, I don't remember which book, I've read so many, it might have been the Bernie Siegal one, I'm not sure, and at some point in a visualisation you have to, there's a chasm of some kind that you have to cross, and you have to build a bridge with whatever's around, you have to build a bridge to cross it, you have to work out how to get across it. And I remember looking around while I was visualising, looking around, I'm a very impatient person, I've said that, and I decided to jump. So I jumped across it, and then you had to walk on a path that would lead you through a forest, and you had to keep following it right, if there were any left forks you didn't take them. Well mine didn't have one, didn't have any forks off, it just went straight through the forest, and then you would come to a clearing where there was a hot air balloon waiting, and you'd get in there and you'd go all the way up to space so the earth was like we see the moon, you know, and you write down the things that were annoying you or whatever, and you'd screw it up and let it float in space and you'd come back down. 

I did that a few times and then I found I was getting into, so I did that a few times and then I noticed that when I was jumping across this chasm every morning it was filling in, you know, like sand does, it was just, there were lips growing out of it and a little bit more every morning. And at first sight I didn't notice it and then one day I thought 'oh, it's going to form a bridge', and now it's a thick bridge, it is a really big bridge when I do it now, and I still jump across though. And I go through the forest, on occasions it's been a jungle and there've been flowers or animals and things but that's, that varies from day to day, and I really don't know why, it just, go with it.

Had a network of friends and family who came and looked after her after her operation.

It was like when I came out of the hospital after surgery, they took over. My house was filled with people and they, I had no choice really, I couldn't do anything much. You know, I could just about get myself showered and dressed and that took ages. 

And I had a friend who came down, one of my oldest girlfriends from, who lives in Cumbria, she came down for a week, the first week, after the first weekend, for that first week and she just took over, basically said to my daughter and my sister 'look, I'm here for a week, you know, you'll be needed when I'm gone, I can only give you a week, but let me do everything', and she did. 

And since then my other sister, the one who flew back from Rome,  she's just been my most incredible solid support. She's just unflinchingly, whatever I've needed, and she's done it, she hasn't said 'Can I?, Do you want me to?' Or 'what should I?' She's just done it. I mean more lately as I've become more well and everything, it's, you know, 'Shall we?' or you know, she'll find it hard to know what to do with herself I should think after all this, but anyway.