Ugo - Interview 02

Age at interview: 38

Age at diagnosis: 31

Brief Outline: This Black-British woman became depressed in 1981 after 6 miscarriages, and losing her husband and home. She's also diagnosed with personality disorder (which she disagrees with) and lost custody of her child because of her mental health problems.

Background: Unemployed, former nurse, single with 1 child. Ethnic background/nationality: Black-British (UK born).

More about me...

Ugo became unwell in 1981 following six miscarriages and losing her husband and home. She returned to live with her abusive family and was diagnosed with depression. 18 months later, Ugo tried to commit suicide and was sectioned. After leaving hospital, she became unwell again, this time while pregnant. Her son was taken into care and now lives with Ugo's sister. 

In 2001, she was diagnosed with personality disorder, which she and her former social worker disagree with. Ugo is unsure what 'personality disorder' means and has been given no information. Having mental health problems makes Ugo feel “isolated” and like “no one understands you”. Ugo lacks motivation, finding it difficult to get out of bed in the morning, have a wash or go to the shops on her own. She cuts and burns herself, and takes overdoses. Ugo knows she is becoming unwell when she can't sleep or “sit still” and feels suicidal. 

Ugo manages her mental health problems by trying to “find something to do every day”, “talking” and “going out”. Spirituality also helps at a “time of crisis”. She gets support from a support worker, a day centre and a psychiatrist. She has tried counselling, therapeutic services, and psychotherapy. Therapeutic services helped her “to manage and to understand” her diagnosis, and to recognise when she is becoming unwell. Psychotherapy did not work for Ugo because she “couldn't talk at the time” about her problems. Ugo is prescribed Venofaxine, Diazepam, and Chlorpromazine which give her a dry mouth and the shakes, but she takes them because she does not “want to go back to being unwell”. Ugo is unable to work. 

Ugo recommends that health professionals should “listen to the patients”. She suggests that there should be more community services for women from Black and Minority Ethnic Communities where they can “talk together and get ideas off each other”. In her view, professionals' ethnic background does not make any difference, although they should have an understanding of people's cultures.

Ugo describes the side effects from her medication but says she would not stop taking it because...

Okay, do you experience any side effects from the medication at all?

Yeah dry mouth and the shakes.

And how is that?

It's alright, I just drink a lot and try and not hold hot drinks.

Okay but it doesn't ever make you want to not take the medication?

No.

No?

No because I stop taking my medication and I know I become unwell really quick so [Laughs a little] I don't want to go back to being unwell so I try and not stop taking me medication.

How, how quickly does that happen?

Six weeks'

Ugo says knowing your rights when you're in hospital is important because she didn't know hers.

Knowing your rights, knowing what your rights are, who you can talk to, what can you ask for and what can't you ask for and everything. Just knowing what your rights are and what you can ask for and what you can expect towards treatment and meals and that. And knowing who your named nurse is.

So what kind of rights are you talking about can you'?

Your nurse and your section, if you're sectioned what your rights are under the section or if you're voluntary, what rights you've got being voluntary.

Okay and what rights, do you know what rights you have?

No.

No, did you know at the time?

No.

Okay

They don't tell you. They give you a piece of paper and you're supposed to read them but people when they're not well don't read them so it's better if they read them to you. Are there any other rights that you think people should know about, like specific things?

About what visitors, if you can have visitors or your children can come in and visit you and is there a room for them to visit you safe from the ward and all that.

And is that possible?

Yeah' not on all wards but in some wards they can so you need to know if there's a ward that, on your ward where you go if there's a room that you can see your children on your own.

So you were able to, to do that?

Yeah.

Ugo found it difficult to remember to take her medication and uses a blister pack to help her...

The only positive thing is they've got me medication right and that I'm feeling a lot better at the moment.

Right

But it doesn't last for long.

OK so can you tell me a bit about the medication that you take?

Yes I'm on an antidepressant called venlafaxine and I'm on diazepam and I'm chlorpromazine which I take three times a day.

And how do you feel about taking your medication?

Well if I don't take it I know I'll become so unwell and that I'll cut and I'll want to hurt my baby so I make sure I take it every day.

OK and do you have to follow certain instructions for taking the medication?

Yes

What?

They're in, they're in blister packs because if I don't have them in the blister packs I wouldn't remember to take them because I wouldn't remember if I'd took them. So the chemist has done them in blister packs for me.

Ugo says there should be more services for women and minority ethnic groups.

More support in the community and more women's groups. There's no more, there's not much women's groups. There's actually no women's groups for people in the black and ethnic community really so if there was more groups for us to go to and where the mums and the children can go as well. So it's just for women only and it's run by women as well so it would really be helpful.

And it's interesting because that's my next question, you said about services specifically for women from black and minority ethnic backgrounds'

Yes

What kind of things would, would you want from a service?

Like support groups like you could support yourself, support each other so there'd be service that people, women can come and join who've got the same difficulties and they've got, or they've got children and they can bring the children and not worry about then what they say is going to have the children taken off at the end of the day. And it's about helping and supporting each other and being able to talk together and get ideas off each other.

And you think specifically for people, ethnic minorities though?

Yes, yeah because it's important because there's different cultures and you're not allowed to talk about it in the community because it's an embarrassment so it would be nice if it was just for us, the ethnic minority community.

A former nurse, she's unable to work because she can't stay well for long enough and feels very...

They think that it's just that I'm lazy and that I don't want to do nothing and that I should get out and do things for myself like go back to work' and that because they see me as an intelligent person but they don't see things behind, it's just they can't see the mental, where if you've got a broken arm you can see that you've got an injury, you know, with mental health they can't see it' I haven't been able to work because I can't, I don't stay well for more than six weeks' I was a nurse before I became unwell.

And that's been'?

Too difficult to work.

So have there been other spin off effects then from that?

Yeah.

With money?

Money and not having enough money, not being able to afford to give the baby money of a weekend.  So if he asks us for something and I have to say to him, 'I haven't got the money for you, you'll have to wait till I get some money.'

Mm and can you not, can you do any kind of work, 'cause some people'

No.

No? Some people I've spoken to do voluntary work'

Yeah, no.

But you can't? No.  How does that'?

It's very, I feel isolated because I had friends in work, all my friends were in work in London and I've got no friends really that are down here that I worked with, it's all friends from the mental health services.

Ugo says the abuse she experienced as a child caused her mental health problems.

Do you have any other ideas about maybe why, why you get ill, you know, why you've gotten ill rather than other people?

I think I take on to much as well because I just don't want to stop and that and I just get too busy and then forget about it all and then I get tired and worn out because you don't want to stop because you don't want to think about the abuse. You have to live the abuse because I'm burnt, I've got burns so I'm covered in scars so each day you see them and it doesn't go away'

And do you feel that the abuse that you suffered as a child is central to your experience?

Yes.

Okay, do you think things would have been different for you had that not happened?

Yeah.

How would they have been different?

I don't think I'd have had a mental health problem.

Ugo describes her feelings and concerns about being diagnosed with personality disorder.

Did you try to find out information about the diagnosis that you were given?

Yeah I talked to people who've been my social worker as a child and that and they said personality disorder is given to people who they can't tick the boxes and put them into a box and that it was a social worker who'd known me from a child and he said, 'You haven't got personality disorder, they only give you that because they can't put you into a tick box, under a certain diagnosis so, it's easier for them to give you a personality disorder.'

And how did you feel about'?

Very angry because I was thinking oh I'm glad I've got a diagnosis, I know what's wrong, I didn't know, understand what it was but I had a diagnosis and then get told it's only because they can't find a diagnosis so they've put you in a tick box of personality disorder. And now because they're saying they're going to stick all people in prison who've got personality disorders before they commit an offence and I'm thinking is that going to happen to me at the end of the day?

Mm, is that a real concern for you?

Yeah.

She says her brother helps with shopping and cleaning, and makes sure she goes to see her...

Okay and then the other thing that I was wondering about was if you have anyone who you would describe as a carer?

Yeah my brother.

Okay and does he do, I mean what sort of things does he do?

He'll go shopping for me and all that, he does me shopping and goes to the post office for me, when I'm not well enough to go the bank and that he'll go and get me money for me.

Okay, does he do anything else?

He'll clean up me house and that, he's really good. He works full time but he still helps, he's always there. And the kids, his eldest son is really good, he's thirteen but he's like a twenty year old in the head.

Okay and does, I mean does he come with you like if you have to go and see the sort of doctor or psychiatrist?

Psychiatrist yeah.

And what happens then, what's his role when you go?

He just makes sure I get there, he sits in the waiting room and waits for me to come out, he just sits there so he'll make sure I get there and that I don't run off and tell him I've been when I haven't [laughs].

Have there been times, for example when you were sectioned, did he have a relationship then with the psychiatrist?

Yeah, he actually sectioned me once, he actually signed the section forms. Because I was so unwell (on the road) and he said that I needed that so he sectioned me with the doctors.

Right and how, did that affect your relationship at all?

It didn't, because I didn't know till afterwards and when he told me he said, 'I done it for you, because I was caring about you.' And I said, 'I know you did.'

Ugo says the police did not recognise that she had a mental health problem because she is Black;...

I had in the , I know when I got, I got arrested at one point for being' when I was unwell and the police took me the police station and I was stigmatised by the police station because they thought I was drunk and under the influence of drugs and I wasn't it was my mental health and they'd arrested me from the hospital but because they seen it was a black person who was unwell they didn't even think I was unwell, it was just because I was black that it was drugs and alcohol' And they left me for sixteen hours in a police cell'

Really? And have there been any other experiences like that?

No.

No nothing?

No.

Okay and what about just generally in the community have you had'?

In my church when I first became unwell and the baby got taken off me there was a social worker who worked in the church, went to the church and she told the church that they shouldn't let me in the church because I'd been diagnosed with a mental health and the baby had been taken off me and I was a danger to all the kids in the church.

And how, what happened?

So I was barred from the church.

Really?

Yes.

And I mean do, so do you go to a different church now?

No they went to the court with me and once they heard from the courts that it wasn't, they let me back, they said they was sorry and that and that it shouldn't have happened really.

That must've been a very difficult time for you.

Yes' it was it was really difficult because you, you feel like you need your spirituality and all that and then they was pushing you away through your mental health because of someone's prescription that if you have mental illness and your child has been taken off you that shouldn't be near anyone's kids and it wasn't that I'd hurt my little boy.