Interview LC11

Age at interview: 62

Age at diagnosis: 55

Brief Outline: Diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer in 1995. Since then has been treated with regular chemotherapy, at least every nine months.

Background: Company director (retired), widow, 2 children.

She delayed seeking help for her cough because she did not think she had a serious problem.

And I was diagnosed on 9th November 95 and that is when that consultant told me I just had four months to live.

How many months do you think you delayed with the cough not knowing whether to go to the doctor or not?

'only about six months. But it was, the cough was no trouble to me at all. A few people commented "Have you started smoking, you've got a smoker's cough," but I, it was something that crept up on me and I really didn't take it seriously because I was not the sort of person that's paranoid about health, I just thought may be I've got a, I don't know what I thought but it didn't occur to me.

Compares a CT scan with an MRI scan, which she found a bit claustrophobic.

Yes I don't like the MRI scan which I've also had, where you go into the tunnel, that I have had twice and I just, I didn't like that I must, for no other reason that I won't admit to suffering from claustrophobia but I didn't like that. But the CT scan, no problem whatsoever you just lie on a table and it moves backwards and forwards. And sometimes they've had to inject me with a coloured dye to lighten up the inside and then again that was no problem, that was no problem.  

Some of her friends have offered support, while others have sent flowers and rushed to their doctors for check-ups.

Well to start from the beginning, when word got out that I had cancer I would say 95% of my friends couldn't face me. My home looked like a florists although that was the time that I did cry, the first time I cried because I sat down and I thought it looks like a funeral parlour and I'm not going die. So I gave myself a talking to and said, "No people are frightened, they wanted to do something and they felt by sending me a bouquet of flowers and a few kind words that's all they could do for the time being." And I will say a lot of my friends also went rushing to the doctors for check-ups thinking well if Maureen could be ill, so seriously ill when she looks and behaves like she does there might be something wrong with me.  

And since then I've had amazing support from friends but various, some have stepped away because they find it difficult to handle, I've even had "Oh I saw you the other day Maureen walking along the road but you looked so poorly I hadn't got the courage to approach you because I didn't know what to say." And that I can understand and then others who I thought couldn't handle it have been right there with me the whole time.
 

Explains how she and her son told her 8-year-old granddaughter about her illness.

What would you say, a message to other mothers about telling children, do you think it's best to be quite honest?

I do because I have an eight-year-old granddaughter who knows grandma coughs, and grandma disappears, and I felt it was time that she was told because at eight years old you begin to overhear adult conversations and I would hate for her to have an unexplained situation. So my son sat her down very quietly and said to her, "You know grandma coughs a lot," he said, "Well she's got something growing inside her that should not be there and this is what makes her cough. And when we don't see her for a while it's because she's going into hospital to have some nasty medicine to shrink it." And this she's accepted and not asked any questions.  We didn't mention the word cancer to her but a few days later she sudden looked at me and said to me "Grandma where is it and how did it get there?" So I said, "What do you mean?" because she took me unawares, and she said, "Well that thing that's growing inside you." And I just said to her, "Well do you know what is meant when adults say that's the million dollar question?" she said "Yes, it means that you don't know," so, and she has dealt with it very well. And the other question she asked us, will I start coughing again and I said "Yes probably one day," and she's okay with that.

Talks about the Hickman line that she had put into a vein in her chest.

I've had 104 infusions of chemo of various types and having been told by the first consultant that I only had four months to live I'm now seven years on.  

I have no surface veins left to take the chemo so I've been given this year a Hickman line. And this I fought to the bitter end until in the end the doctor said "I am sorry Maureen you just do not have any veins left," we'd got down to using the small ones in my feet. He said "We have got to give you a Hickman line, there's no other way." I strongly objected to this, being the vain creature that I am I didn't want plastic tubes hanging from my boob. But I could see that it was the right course to take so I agreed.

Could you explain for other people what a Hickman line is?

Yes, when they have used all your surface veins they tap into a deeper vein within the body and they bring, it's very difficult, it's quite embarrassing, they tap into a deeper vein nearer the heart and they bring it out and you have two sort of plastic tubes hanging down from the incision that they've made.

And they can use that?

And they can use that as often as they like. And I hate to own up to it but it is so much easier. It's not uncomfortable, it's just unsightly, but then I don't walk around with my top off. When they inserted the Hickman line I was awake for the whole procedure. They put a screen in front of my face so I couldn't see what they were doing and it was just no problem whatsoever, it really, really wasn't. So if there is anyone that has been, they have suggested they have a Hickman line it's not as frightening as it sounds and it makes life so much easier, especially now that I have to have blood transfusions which take up to nine hours, they can just plug in straight away and there's no problems.

She would like to die at home, but knows that her local hospice is a wonderful place.

Do you ever think about the future, what might happen, does it worry you a lot?

Only I'd like to know but once again none of us know.  In the very beginning when I was first diagnosed my GP suggested that I put my affairs in order and that I make arrangements to go into a hospice.  And once again I was angry, indignant and said to him "Well if that's going to happen, but it's not going to happen, I want to die in my own bed, you're not putting me in a hospice." So he said "Well you will need three people." I said, "Well am I going to be that poorly?" he said "No people only work eight hour shifts," which I thought was putting me in my place (laughs). So anyway I did come home and sulked and I thought I'm not going into hospice but I relented because I decided I didn't even know what the word meant, I'd never been in a hospice. So I made an appointment to see the matron and I went down and I was amazed at what a wonderful place, wonderful people, wonderful nursing staff and I feel very relaxed, if I did have to go in to a hospice because I'm on my own, I could now accept that. But so far I've escaped that. And worrying about the future I'd like to feel that when the time comes I am here at home in my own bed and that I can just close my eyes.