Heart attack
How it affects family life
Here, people talk about how their heart attack affected their family life.
Though many felt that their heart attack did not change relations within the family, some felt less confident about their health and that led to some changes in roles.
Some younger people did not feel physically up to the demands of parenting, but this problem was not necessarily permanent. One man who had heart failure after a heart attack didn't have the energy to play with his young children as much as he wanted to. Some people had to cut down on their work after their illness and this meant a reduction in income.
He doesn't have the energy to play with his young children as much as he wants to.
He doesn't have the energy to play with his young children as much as he wants to.
It's one thing sitting down and read a book, okay, you can do that for a while, but having said that, you can't really do it if you're really tired either, trying to concentrate it's not easy. But physically if you lift them up and doing that, I get out of breath quite quickly, now they're just getting hyper and hyper and hyper, they want to do it more and more and more but I have to say, 'No'.
Now they tend to understand that, 'Ok, Daddy's tired now, have a rest, Daddy's tired' and [my son] will say like you he'll go out like, say going to grandma's, 'Are you tired', 'Yeah' and they'll kiss me leg and walk out in to the other room.
Now okay he understands that I'm tired, so that's what I'm trying to get that there is a reason, it's not just no Daddy just doesn't want to do, I want them to understand that there's a reason, because I don't want them thinking I'm doing it I'm, pulling away from them because I don't like them, there's a choice thing there so that's what I'm trying to do but it, you know, it's not easy when you, it doesn't help me when I hear them saying things like, 'Oh you, you can't do or you can't read' and my wife then ends up having to read with them or play with them, because I'm just so tired, I'm just laid, laid out there.
Because it often coincides when they come home. I go and pick them up about half four and come home. Now as I say, that's starting to get to be the time when I get worse, it can be anywhere between half three, four and say seven, well that's the time when they're home, when they're crammed and tired, they've been at nursery all day.
So the combination actually isn't a very good combination, weekends are slightly different because you've got the whole day, you know, but of an evening it sometimes it's okay other times it isn't. I, all I need to do sometimes I just want to lie down and rest and they want to play. What do you tell them?
Having to reduce her hours at work meant less money to spend on family activities.
Having to reduce her hours at work meant less money to spend on family activities.
So even though I'm not like a money-orientated person but you're used to that much money to live on and then all of a sudden when that's cut in half, you know, your bills don't all of a sudden go in half, do they? So, I've had to like re-budget things and that.
And like my daughter's had to like, she's got like a little Saturday job so she buys some of her own clothes and bits and pieces like that to take the pressure of me, which, she's been as good as gold in that sense and that. But, I just want to go back to work, go back to work full-time, and then just save up and have a holiday.
One young woman was told that after her heart attack another pregnancy would be unwise. After one termination, when she accidentally became pregnant again she decided to go ahead with the pregnancy, monitored by her cardiologist. She had a healthy son. Her only real problem was a lurking fear that she could have another heart attack and no longer be there for her children.
One 42-year-old man had been about to travel with his wife to China to adopt a baby when he had his heart attack. Although they put it off at the time, three years later they did go there and successfully adopted a baby girl.
He was able to adopt his daughter from China three years after his heart attack.
He was able to adopt his daughter from China three years after his heart attack.
We've adopted a little girl, which I'm not sure but it does make it a lot more difficult if you have health issues before you get approved and my consultant was very helpful in writing to social services. We adopted our daughter from China so we did make the trip, that was one of the reasons why we were going originally.
[My wife] to this day I think, still thinks I engineered all this so I didn't have to get on a plane to go so far because I'm not, I'm not a great flier. But that was another big leap, even though it was sort of three years after the event once again that was, you know that really was going into the unknown and going to Beijing and then flying down into southern China.
But I think by then I was more comfortable that there was and there's no reason to think that there is another heart attack on its way.
Older people also said that they were no longer up to playing with their grandchildren. One man said he was afraid to pick his grandchild up in case something should happen to him, which would make him fall. Another regretted that he could no longer play football or teach his youngest grandchild to ride a bike.
He was worried about picking his grandchildren up in case he fell.
He was worried about picking his grandchildren up in case he fell.
She came up to me, 'You're not ill, Granddad' she said. 'You're not ill, Granddad's fine'. And I suppose, I'm afraid to lift them. Personally, I'm afraid, you know, you just keep thinking ' oh God am I right to do this, am I wrong, you know'. If I fall or anything like that with a child in my arms sort of thing, you know. Those are the things that's worried me.
He can't teach his grandson to ride a bike or play football with him after his heart attack and...
He can't teach his grandson to ride a bike or play football with him after his heart attack and...
And I can't, you know I can't sort of run round with him with a bike bending double to hold his saddle. So that's a regret, I can't do that. But, and I can't play football with him.
Most people could still travel to visit family members living abroad (see 'Leisure, travel and hobbies after a heart attack'). One man's heart attack had not affected his ability to travel to Australia to visit his wife's relatives.
Some people talked about their parents' reactions. Many said that their parents were shocked and worried. One man, whose mother had herself had a heart attack the year before him, said that she was very shocked and it had made them even closer because they were able to compare experiences. In contrast, one 37- year-old woman's parents found it difficult to understand what she was going through.
Others were surprised by their parents reactions. One woman who had a heart attack when she was 37, was astonished that her parents went back to work the day after it happened, while she was still in hospital. A man in his forties, said that his father wasn't as worried as he thought he would be, which he expects was because he had already had a heart attack himself, and knew that people recover from it.
Older children of people who had, had heart attacks tended to rally round and gave emotional or practical support. One man's sons had encouraged him replace his non-electric lawn mower with an electric one and how they had bought him a special trolley to handle heavy sacks. Another talked about how the contrasting reactions of his sons had helped him during his recovery.
The different reactions of his two sons helped him during his recovery.
The different reactions of his two sons helped him during his recovery.
They, they always think of me, 'Are you sure you can go up these steps, do you want to sit down or you know or just take a short walk or something like that'. And that's lovely, that's lovely. On the other hand, the other son he says, 'oh come on we're going on, Dad will be alright, I'll look after him.' And I don't want to feel an invalid. I want to be able to do all the things I did before, which I can more or less, which I can, yeah.
Children don't expect their parents to be ill and although most people said that their adult children had recovered fairly soon after the initial shock of their heart attack, a few recalled that their heart attack had been very upsetting for their children. One man's 18- year-old son had found it very hard to accept and obviously continued to worry about him, while his daughter appeared to have taken it in her stride. One 52-year-old woman described the way her son reacted to her illness.
Describes her grown up son's reaction to her heart attack.
Describes her grown up son's reaction to her heart attack.
So he didn't know what to do really. His mum was really poorly and he just didn't know what to do because that's not supposed to happen to your mum. But he's alright now, he's okay about it now. They just treat me as if I'm normal, nothing's happened.
And how did that change did you think from him not knowing what to say and do to being normal again?
Well we work together, so eventually I went back to work, for a couple of hours a day sort of thing, and as I got stronger, he got better with me and as I started doing more normal things, he became more normal with me.
And what were the sort of things he was doing that weren't normal?
It was just his attitude; he was perhaps a bit, a bit harsher with me. A bit, 'Come on, Mum, you know you can do that.' And I would say, 'No I can't actually, I don't feel well enough.' 'Aah, oh alright then.' It was, he wanted me to get better. 'You're not ill, I don't want you to be ill, sort of thing. I want you to be normal.'
Last reviewed June 2017.
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