Depression and low mood (young people)

Just be there for people. But don’t force it, if people are in a good enough place with themselves to talk to you, and say that something’s wrong, then you should feel honoured because it’s not an easy thing to do. But if they won’t talk to you don’t take it personally, it’s not that they don’t love you, it’s not that they don’t care for you, it’s that right now they can’t deal with the conversation. And don’t pry, because the worst thing you can do is go up to someone and go, “What’s wrong, what’s wrong, what’s wrong?” ‘Cos that will just make them feel so much worse. Just let them know you’re there for them if they need you. And that even if it’s just watching a soppy film and eating lots of chocolate, you know, it doesn’t have to be a deep conversation, just let them know that you care. And don’t feel offended if they don’t respond in the way that they used to or that you hoped they would, it’s not personal, they do love you, and they do care. It’s just too difficult.

Mandy' Just be open, just say to them you know, I don’t like you doing it, I know that’s your way of coping at the moment.

 

Sian' I’d rather you come and talk to me if you’re doing but if you are going to do it then,

 

Mandy' You know I’m here if you need help sort of thing. Make it so you’re there to help them, and not to judge them, that if they need help they can come to you.

It depends on what day you catch them. If my Mum will catch me on a day when I just, I just close down, I don’t wanna anything, I don’t wanna say it, so it’s kind of sometimes you have to keep trying. Like you know, like Monday to Saturday they might not want to talk about it, but maybe on Sunday around the dinner table they’ll say something, so it’s, you just have to try and I think parents should try.

 

And , and it’s not that they don’t care but sometimes I think they don’t know what to do so they get quite, they just leave it, the kid to it and it’s probably not the best option, as much as it might seem like they can cope with it, if you think you can’t cope with it then they probably can’t cope with it, so, it’s probably just, at least offer help and if they don’t take it then try and build up the trust so that the next time you offer it they can take it.

To parents I would say, don’t shut them out. First and foremost do not shut them out. Do not shout. Do not raise your voice. Don’t be a parent basically. Just don’t see them as your little boy or little girl. Because if you see it like that you’re treating them like a child, you’re talking down to them, and you’re just being for want of a better word, ignorant. You know just ask them what’s wrong. Sit down with them, you know, knock on their bedroom door, go in, sit down with them. Say, go, “Is there anything you want me to help you with?” Shut the bedroom door. Just, I don’t know, don’t, don’t do it, you know, don’t call them downstairs into the living room, when you know both the parents are sat there and it’s like you’re under interrogation, only do one parent at a time.

 

I don’t know you know, if say, I know there’s a lot of divorces and what not, but if you’ve got both parents in the home, if the young person is closer to the Mum, speak to the mum. If it’s the Dad, speak to the Dad, and then if it’s closer to the Mum the Mum can tell the Dad, or the parent they are closer to can tell the other parent, and speak through it as an adult thing.

 

Speak to them as a young adult, as you would want to be spoken to yourself, do not down talk them, do not raise your voice, just keep calm, flat and just sit on the edge of their bed and just say, “Look what’s wrong?” You know, don’t mollycoddle them don’t be you know, you know don’t be harsh, but don’t be too sympathetic.

 

You know it’s, it is very difficult but if you if you can strike that right note because as, I mean you know your child better than anyone else. They might think they know themselves better, but you probably do, just sit down and talk to them and just don’t shout at ‘em and don’t you know be, “Oh are you okay? Tell…” You know don’t be whisper, just talk to them going, “Are you alright? What’s up then?” You know, just keep it simple, just one parent in the room at a time, leave the TV on, ‘cos then they’ve got the choice of, “Oh, well I’ll just watch TV instead.” But if they see you, still sat there, if they turn round to the TV and start watching the TV, or laptop, or computer or DVD, music or whatever it is, they go round there, just say to them, “Look if you’re not happy to talk at the moment, then you just know that we will always be here for you at any time of day or night, if you want to talk then we’re here.”

 

And just stay there for five minutes. If they’re still in the TV leave them alone for a half an hour, and just keep checking up on ‘em, ‘cos then they know they’ve got their support. And they know that they’re loved, and the road to recovery starts there.

Mandy' I think yeah, parents be supportive. don’t try and put too much pressure on them, they can’t snap out of it.

 

Frankie' Don’t judge them. Don’t judge child.

 

Mandy' Don’t shout at them, or say you’re disappointed if you discover they self harm because that that,

 

Frankie' that’s not gonna help.

 

Sian' Doesn’t help it just makes you feel ten times worse.

 

Mandy' Yeah, just be supportive. 

Seriously just find out what’s wrong, and just think like what, think of yourself in their position and just think, what would be the best thing I could ever hope for in that position. And I don’t know it’s , and don’t ever think, don’t, I mean as I say a lot of people think teenagers they’re just , they just exaggerate and stuff like that but obviously a lot of people can blame it on hormones if they really want to but, you can make a massive rapid change.

 

Not only does education mess it all up, but, there is a reason why you know people can’t control teenagers because I don’t know they’re going through such a weird phase and you’ve just got to be there for them. You know obviously it’s like that saying if you can’t, if you can’t beat them join them or something like that, and it’s obvious that they can’t stop teenagers being so crazy and so upset yet so high and really awesome, and so you’ve just got to be there for them really.