Sian & Frankie

Brief Outline:

Sian and Frankie are friends who met while they were staying on the same psychiatric ward. They say meeting each other was one of the most important things that helped them in hospital and through recovery. They have stayed friends ever since (White British).

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Sian (18) and Frankie (19) are friends who met while they were staying on the same psychiatric ward. The girls developed a very close bond during the months they stayed in the unit and have stayed friends ever since. They stay in touch regularly and refer to each other as “sisters”. The girls all say that getting to know each other was the biggest help they got, both in and out of hospital. During their stay in the hospital, the girls got to know each other’s moods, knew when to support each other and when to leave each other have the space to have their own time. They say they “kept each other sane in the most insane ways”.

 

The girls say that having friends who’ve been through similar experiences has helped them come out of their shell, gain confidence and challenge other people’s misconceptions about mental health and self-harm.

 

Distracting the mind, like listening to music or reading a book can help not to focus on the voices.

Frankie: You can’t control them [voices]. Managing them in a way so they don’t affect you in a bad way, could it be like from listening to music so for you it’s a distraction or you can’t hear them as clearly or basically as like if especially if you’ve had them for a few years you build up sort of an immunity, to what they’re saying. And because they repeat it and stuff basically getting used to what they’re saying, you expect it, but as Sian said, it depends on how good a day you’re having or how bad a day you’re having.

Frankie felt psychiatric diagnoses were just a way for the doctors to 'categorise' them.

Frankie: I’ve been able to accept them more if you know, it wouldn’t like, if I was getting help with them and stuff the way I’m supposed to having diagnoses wouldn’t bother me, but I don’t like, I don’t know, when I first got them I thought oh they’re labelling me, they put me into categories, now I’m just…

 

I mean I’ve got a hell of a lot and, disorders and you know, I’ve got depression, paranoia, I’ve got a hell of a lot. And basically you know, they do try and find, I’ve basically just been said, “Yeah you’ve got severe depression, paranoia, and suicidal tendencies.” They’ve just basically put it all into three.

 

They categorise us. Like filing cabinets.

 

If they tell you you’ve got something, you look for it.

Sian and Frankie say you become so used to the diagnostic labels.

Sian: You get used to it [diagnosis]. So, so first of all when they plant the title on you, you’re like, “No, that’s not me,” and then you look for things you know like, well maybe it could be, and then eventually it just grows on you, and you think, well I am who I am, so.

 

I don’t care about the label really...

 

Frankie: As far as I’m concerned the diagnoses are basically just the way of, that’s what annoys me a diagnosis is a, is a way of the experts knowing what you’ve got and knowing how to deal with it. And what annoys me is they know what I’ve got, and they know how to deal with it, but they’re not dealing with it.

Sian say that medication is not always the solution but on short term it can 'boost yourself up'.

Sian: It’s not, it’s not always the solution. It’s not always the solution, but sometimes it can help just to boost yourself up, extra, a little bit.

 

It can give you a boost to help you deal with it yourself, if you can give yourself sort of motivation to help you deal with it yourself, I think it, it feels, you sort of resent it when you know that they’ve given it you to basically shut you up and they’re using that as a way to sort you out. And that’s not right because you’ve obviously got underlying issues. You know the medication isn’t going to be there forever and if it is, you, your body will get used to it, and you know it’ll stop having the same effect. But when you know that they’ve given it as a way of saying, “Yeah we’ll give you this, to give you a boost, to help you sort your own problems out, and then we’ll wean you off the different…”

 

It’s alright in short term, but I wouldn’t really advise it you know, for, long periods of time, I know that, I’ve probably been on mine since I was 10 [laughter]. And I’m 18 now so…

 

Sian and Frankie say that the staff on the ward were 'crap' but they had each other and knew they were 'not alone'.

Frankie: Yeah. The staff were crap though.

 

Sian: The staff were crap.

 

Frankie: The staff were crap. It got to the point where basically like the really close, close friends you made in there you’d have to call on them, like, your staff nurse. She was staff nurse for me, and another girl.

 

...They were supposed, they were supposed to come in your room every half an hour for general obs, and you know we used to be awakened most of the night, and they’d come in,

 

...Yeah. You could have been doing anything in your room at night, and they came in twice a night, if that, to check on you. 

Do it for yourself, not other people.

Sian: If you don’t know how to love yourself then no-one, no-one’s going to love you... Do it for yourself really. Do it for yourself. Don’t do it for anyone else.

 

Frankie: And if you end up losing the person you’re living for then you’re stuck. So you do need to live for yourself, not other people. 

Frankie and Sian say that you can get used to hearing voices but that on bad days they get louder and can be scary.

Frankie: They [voices] keep telling me to hurt myself, I tend to just like make sure I ring someone or I’ve got like music on as a distraction so I can’t hear them as much. but yeah it can be quite scary at times. They can be quite, it, it, you’re like, with paranoia’s fine but you feel like someone’s controlling you, you feel like someone’s in your head and it’s really not a nice feeling. When, especially when you’re not thinking rationally. It’s a case of, “Oh God” you know, “Someone’s controlling me, I’m not in control of myself.” But other than that when I’m a rational person I’m just, yeah I can pretty much ignore them. You know I’m sort of used to them now, I’ve basically had to accept the fact that.

 

Sian: You get used to them don’t you?

 

Frankie: Yeah.

 

Sian: You get used to them but sometimes it can be hard to, to, you have days, good days and bad days where they sometimes they’re louder than others. Like most of the time they’re always there but sometimes they’re just a bit louder and,

 

Frankie: yeah. And basically I’ve just have to accept the fact that I’m gonna have them for the rest of my life. Because that’s a, you know a physical manifestation of my stress and my depression. So anytime I get stressed I’m gonna hear voices pretty much, ‘cos my body loves me, and it likes scaring me. So yeah pretty much it can be really scary.

 

Sian: Can be scary, but at times, sometimes it feels like, to me, my voices sometimes give me advice on things, it’s like sometimes they tell me to do things that does help me out, but other times like they tell me to do things that really not going to help me out at all it’s stuff that’s going to get me into loads of trouble. And it’s just try and figure out what are the good times and what are the bad times. You have to like control yourself.

Sian and Frankie are now able to challenge the stereotypes and judgement from other people.

Frankie: But most people who seem like to tend judge us like are really depressed, sort of boring like morbid person which we are, but [laughs] we’re a little bit, but it’s a case of you know, if you like if you actually get to know us you should probably see we’re actually quite random sort of bubbly kind of crazy, crazy in a nice way girls. You know.

 

Sian: Definitely.

 

Frankie: That, that’s just the way it is. Yeah we’ve got issues but that doesn’t affect our personality, you know we just get like this…

 

Sian: We all have good days and we all have bad days don’t we? Like everyone. Really isn’t it?

 

Why do you think, or where have you got that confidence to be quite challenging of the stereotypes, and people’s preconceptions and all that?

 

Sian: Probably because we know each other and because we’ve gone through things the same, so that whereas before we went into the units and things, we probably all thought we were alone, but when we met other people the same and you did and you go…

 

Think, “Oh there is other people out there.”

 

Frankie: If people can’t accept you for the way you are then screw them, pretty much.

 

Sian: I agree. 

Sian point out that self-harming is 'anger directed at yourself', not at others.

Sian: I went swimming, and it’s really hard to go swimming when you’ve got scars on your arms and hands ... Yeah and stomach and everywhere. And I’ve had people pull their kids away from me. And it just feels so bad to have someone pull their kids away from you, as if to say you gonna hurt my kid, I mean I wouldn’t even dream of hurting a kid you know, I work with children, and...

Sian say sometimes you get that 'special person' who will treat you not as a number or an illness, but 'as a person'.

Sian: Some things do help. Some things don’t help. It’s about getting used to them really. It’s about getting, sometimes you do get that special person in the authorities that will make it happen for you.

 

And when that’s there you do feel safer, and you feel a lot better for it.

 

Not just for a job.

"Find out why we do certain things", don't assume. Be prepared to go that extra mile.

Frankie: Advice, Advice to professionals would just be, “Do your bloody job.”

 

[Laughter]

 

Frankie: Do your job. Don’t pass us off.

 

Sian: Don’t just do the job though, because…Yeah, remember they’re a person, don’t just do your job, go that extra mile for them, do that, twist things just slightly just to help,

 

Frankie: What they tend to do is once you’ve got a diagnosis they treat you as a diagnosis not as an individual. So they don’t find out why you do certain things, or why you, they don’t tend to look at your background, they just tend to say, “Well you’ve got this, this is how we’re going to deal with it.”