Interview 47

Age at interview: 55

Age at diagnosis: 52

Brief Outline:

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 1998, under went a mastectomy.

Explains the feelings of doubt and rejection she had but that she and her partner are now closer.

You know how most men have a favourite part of the anatomy, my husband's happens to be the breast.

So I did think that that would be difficult for him and me, if I ever talk to him about it now all he'll say is that he would rather have me with one breast or no breast than not have me at all. But that's what he says to me, I don't think that is necessarily what he thinks.

Before all this happened if I was getting ready for bed at night, maybe I was getting changed in the sitting room and he was sitting on the settee, he would put down his paper or stop watching television, fold his arms and just sit and watch me getting undressed. And that stopped after I had the mastectomy.

And then the other thing that I found very upsetting, and I found it really quite difficult to broach with him and I think I did eventually, but again it's the same situation, you felt as if you were prompting.

When before I had my mastectomy, if we were making love the nightie always got whipped off, and then afterwards it didn't come off at all and I found that really difficult because I thought well he obviously thinks I'm ugly.

But it's, you still feel rejected in a way because you just feel that it can't be the same any more no matter how much he says that it doesn't matter, because it must matter, it must make a difference.

But this has definitely brought us a lot, lot closer together and it must be visible. People are not aware why, but if we meet people they always say there's something about us.

And I think we are, we're very close, we're very close.