Sherry
Sherry chose to formula feed her new baby to remove all risk of HIV transmission. Even though her older children were born before her HIV diagnosis, she only breastfed them for a short period of time, because she did not like breastfeeding. Sherry has had no concerns about formula feeding her youngest baby.
Sherry is single and has four children, aged 26, 15 and 13 years old, and an 18-month-old baby.
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Sherry was diagnosed with HIV in 2013 during her first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage. That time of her life was “horrible” and had a big impact on her mental health, which sometimes still affects her. Her husband at the time left her after her diagnosis and loss of their baby. He was HIV negative and Sherry is confused and unclear about when she acquired HIV.
Sherry’s medical team informed her of the latest guidelines, but she did not mind formula feeding, as she does not like breastfeeding and only breastfed her older children (pre-diagnosis) for a short period of time. Her clinic provided her with vouchers, which she spent on formula milk, food and clothes. She felt supported by her medical team so felt no reason to look for infant feeding advice anywhere else.
Sherry is concerned about people finding out about her HIV status and how she and her children would be treated. She was also concerned about receiving care from Black medical staff who may be from her community in West Africa, as she was worried that others may learn about her HIV status. No one knew that Sherry only bottle fed. She spent three weeks in hospital after giving both and the Covid-19 pandemic meant fewer people were around in the early months. Sherry told people that she breastfed initially and stopped, which is not a surprise to the people in her life as they knew she has never liked breastfeeding.
Sherry is currently single and none of her children know her HIV diagnosis. She feels like HIV status prevents her from dating the men should would like to date. Only Sherry’s ex-husband knows her HIV status and he has threatened to tell her children about it. Sherry feels she does not “have the courage” to tell her children at the moment, but also worries that her children will feel that she lied to them and question if “she is a good mother”.
Sherry’s relationship broke down after she told her partner about her HIV diagnosis.
Sherry’s relationship broke down after she told her partner about her HIV diagnosis.
When I was having a partner, my husband, not my partner, I was married so my husband left me. He wasn’t having it, any of it, so along the process he left me when I lose the baby, he left me, so.
Sherry did not breastfeed her three older children who are completely healthy and so the guidelines did not affect her decision to formula feed this time as well.
Sherry did not breastfeed her three older children who are completely healthy and so the guidelines did not affect her decision to formula feed this time as well.
Because I have three children before this and I never bother about breastfeeding and they, they all come out well. They’re not sick, they don’t have any pain at all. I don’t take them to hospital, they don’t even have colds, they hardly have cold. They’re very strong, So, anybody out there that is thinking that because of their status they won’t, they won’t breastfeed this child and they get sick and worried about, no, no, no you don’t need that, you don’t just need that. All you need to do is focus on your baby, how to look after your baby best breast milk is good, very good but when you don’t have it, you don’t have it.
It’s good, I can say it’s good but when I said ‘it’s not gonna affect your child’ and all those things, and yet things can happen, mistakes can happen. Anyway, you know, that mistakes can happen, don’t just go it if there is another way to go around it, you understand? Breastfeeding is not, is not doing everything. The baby, there are children that, the mother that gave birth to them died. There’s things- that’s ways to go round this, what that the government said yes, if you want to do it, do it, it all depends on you. But for me, I don’t want any things, any single thing that would come from me to my child, no. No that does not mean, if I don’t feed my child that does not mean that I don’t love him. I love him so much, you can’t love my child more than I do. Any sensible woman, any sensible mum that has senses that is intact. Nobody on earth that will love her child more than the lady that gave birth – the mother, you know what I mean so they can’t lie about it, if I breastfeed this child, its fine if you can’t do it.
Sherry gave birth during the 2020 Covid pandemic lockdown so she did not have many visitors who might ask her why she wasn’t breastfeeding.
Sherry gave birth during the 2020 Covid pandemic lockdown so she did not have many visitors who might ask her why she wasn’t breastfeeding.
Yeah, there was not enough people, there was no visitor, baby was not at home, he, baby was in the hospital for three weeks. He came home, coronavirus no visiting, no, no nobody can get close to the baby, so they don’t even know when I’m feeding him. They don’t know somebody was around it when I’m feeding him. When they grow on year and before starting, the family starting, meeting, friends start meeting and they don’t even know if I feed or not, if I bottle feed or if I because before one year he’s not even taking bottle anymore.
So, it didn’t even go there. Like I said, it’s how you, it’s how you prepare yourself, it’s how you move yourself, it’s how you, what you give people that’s what they believe. You don’t have to lie. It’s the way you go around things. Do you understand? Even though there was visitor in, I’m about to feed my baby, I come here “Five mins, I’ll be back.” You don’t know what I came to do.
Sherry disliked breastfeeding and had formula fed her older children. She formula fed her youngest child as well, and had strategies explain why she did not breastfeed.
Sherry disliked breastfeeding and had formula fed her older children. She formula fed her youngest child as well, and had strategies explain why she did not breastfeed.
There’s a way to go around it like I said. Go and feed your baby, want to go and feed your baby, you’re feeding it with bottle feed, you don’t say, ‘oh I don’t feed my baby when people are here, ‘oh give him breast’, ‘oh don’t worry he will take bottle’ and you know he’s taking bottle. He take water at that particular time, you know, if it’s something. It was only one of a friend that always came here, it was close to my house and said, “Oh my God I’ve never seen you breastfeed this baby,”’ and I said “Oh my God do you wanna see my breast?” It was just a joke, I say, “You wanna see my breast
or something? This is my breast.” I pulled down my breast. She was laughing and we just talk about it and that’s it and I even give it to baby, baby was so small then. I give it baby and baby didn’t want it, didn’t take it [laughs]. So, I said, “You see, I’m not selfish with him”, but he will just take it because I didn’t teach him, he wasn’t at home, he was in the hospital.
Sherry’s children cheer her up during her darkest moments.
Sherry’s children cheer her up during her darkest moments.
It’s difficult but I just want people to be strong in a situation where you find yourself like this. The most painful part of it is that I don’t even know where I get it from. Not sleeping around, I was married. My husband was negative. I was positive but I just want everybody out there to be positive about their life. They still have one more life. We just have to be kept your safe and talk to the right people. Do away with some friends but you know they are so loud, they are so inquisitive, they are so nosy. Do away with those kinds of friends. Stick with your family and things will be fine. It’s a little bit difficult but with the right people, with the right thing, you’ll be just fine. You will be like every other person. I just wish you could see my picture; see me how I look, you’ll understand what I mean. In your darkest moments you can be so down and be low about this, something that will cheer you up. You must have something that will cheer you up. My children cheer me up when I see my children I smile, when I want to cry, I cry on their shoulder. I cried a lot, we cry together, but they don’t know what I’m crying for, but I cry with them, and they just tell me, “It’s okay mum,” and they take me a very long way, “mum you’ll be fine.” It kept me going, it kept me going so I believe everybody out there can do the same. You look for something that makes you happy, do it. Do something that makes you happy. Don’t do things that contradicts you, your status again, don’t share it, don’t give it to people. As long as you are taking your medication, you can’t give it to anybody. No, I don’t believe that. Look after yourself and be strong. You can do it. That’s just my advice to people.