Biola
Biola found out about her HIV status in 2009 while pregnant with one of her older children. Although she had not breastfed before, she decided to breastfeed her youngest child to build a strong bond and have the experience of breastfeeding.
Biola is Black African and has a partner and five children, aged 20, 10, 5 and 3 years old and an eight-month-old baby.
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Biola was diagnosed with HIV in 2009, during an antenatal screening when pregnant with one of her older children. She found the diagnosis quite difficult because of what she knew about HIV from her country of origin in Africa, and it made her think of death. She was referred to an HIV clinic and a charity straightaway, and both those organisations were supportive and helped her come to terms with the diagnosis.
Biola has five children, all of whom do not have HIV. Biola’s partner is the father of her three youngest children and does not know her HIV status. Outside of her medical team and charity support group, Biola has not shared her HIV status with anyone. She did not breastfeed any of her older children but decided to try it this time with her youngest baby, especially because she does not plan to have more children.
Biola was “in two-minds” about what decision to make, but in her last month of pregnancy she decided to breastfeed. She spoke to her doctor, HIV charity and other mothers who had breastfed which helped to “clear her mind” of worries. She breastfed for five months. She liked breastfeeding for the bond, but also found it stressful at times because she had to make sure that no-one gave the baby food during that period. This meant that she felt she could not leave her partner alone with their baby. He did notice and wondered why she would take the baby even when she was going briefly to the local shops. When their baby was a few months old, her partner bought the baby some formula milk and Biola had to think of a reason to stop him from giving it to the baby.
After five months of breastfeeding, Biola stopped and started giving her baby formula. She and her baby found it difficult for the first one to two weeks - her, because she had very sore breasts and her baby just refused the formula milk and cried a lot. The experience made Biola question if had been the right thing to give her baby breastmilk in the first place.
Biola had mixed experiences with medical staff. Her HIV clinic were supportive, but her GP and health visitor were not so supportive. In a home visit with two health visitors, one of them almost disclosed her HIV status to her husband when she asked her how she was doing with her medication. Biola had to respond immediately and ask what medication she was talking about. The following week, one of the health visitors came to her house to apologise and explained that the other health visitor was a student and should have read her notes that explained Biola’s partner was not aware of her HIV status. Biola is worried about HIV stigma from her partner and friends and has asked her support group for advice on how to share her status with the father of her children.
Biola’s health visitor asked her questions about medication in front of her partner, who didn’t know her status.
Biola’s health visitor asked her questions about medication in front of her partner, who didn’t know her status.
When I give birth, you know this health visitor who comes to the house. The ones that saw me and they open their computer that time, their computer that day. The dad was sitting here. Now the other one, she did not read much I think. And she went like “How are you doing with your medication? “Are you [inaudible].” Me I went like, “What medication? I’m not taking any medica-, you know.” The other one, look at the other one, she went quiet. The next day they came back and apologise. Luckily they did not mention, and me, I question myself, “What are you talking about, what medication?”
Biola worried about her baby contracting HIV and it made breastfeeding stressful.
Biola worried about her baby contracting HIV and it made breastfeeding stressful.
I would advise people not to breastfeed really.
Okay, why’s that?
Because it’s really stressful. You might be 100% sure that you’re taking your medica-, to me it was really stressful. I was living on stressful. I was living in pressure, you know, stressful. Because, even at my age, I knew I was taking my medication every day, yeah? I wasn’t feeding baby another food, even the water or anything. But it wasn’t easy. I did not have a clear mind you know, when I go for my tests. That day I won’t sleep. I don’t know other people how they have but to me I was just living that, this whole thing. Even though you know everything is perfect, but I had that question mark. If there’s one hundred percent sure that you know, HIV are just you know, I used to ask myself, where is the HIV in the body? Is it in the blood or, I don’t know, I wish you could speak my language I could explain a bit more better you know.
You live, honestly and you’ve got your baby to live in stress like that, and you’ve got other things again in your mind. It’s too much. I would advise if it’s really possible, I would advise people not to breastfeed. It’s not safe at all. You’re not to stay with a baby 24 hours to make sure that no one’s putting, even a tiny biscuit or, you know what I mean?
When Biola told another lady she breastfed the women was shocked as she had been told she could not breastfeed.
When Biola told another lady she breastfed the women was shocked as she had been told she could not breastfeed.
But when I go for the group, like recently I gave birth with another lady. So, we were talking about this in [HIV organisation]. So, when they find out that I was breastfeeding they were shocked you know. “How come you breastfeeding like we’re all from [hospital]?” I said “I I’ve asked the senior at [HIV organisation] at [hospital]. You know, they supported it they didn’t have a problem.” That lady told me that she was told not to breastfeed at all, you know. It was opposite of my story. So, they were all shocked that, how come, you know. I said, “I don’t know but it came from them.” It came from me, but they supported with no story or anything. So, I never had any problem with anything from at all. Wherever I go, it’s, I’m satisfied.