Huma
Huma was diagnosed with high blood pressure at 30 weeks' gestation and gave birth at 35 weeks. Although her baby was well apart from being born prematurely, Huma's blood pressure remained high after the birth. She felt it took around three months to recover physically from pre-eclampsia and childbirth, but said the emotional impact lasted much longer.
Huma is a 38-year-old electrical engineer from Pakistan. She lives with her husband and 14-month-old daughter.
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Huma's pregnancy had been progressing well until a routine 30-week midwife appointment, when she was found to have raised blood pressure and protein in her urine. She spent the following weeks in and out of hospital for monitoring. Huma found the uncertainty surrounding her condition, the hospital environment and the conflicting advice she received from different healthcare professionals extremely stressful, and felt this contributed to her blood pressure remaining high. She also found some doctors' discussions about the risks frightening, saying the way they communicated was very different from what she had experienced in Pakistan.
At 35 weeks, Huma was advised to have a caesarean section. Her daughter was very small at birth but otherwise well and did not require admission to the neonatal unit. Huma's blood pressure, however, remained difficult to control after the birth. After ten days in hospital she decided to go home, despite her doctors advising her to stay longer. She said this was very out of character for her, but she felt she could no longer cope with being in hospital.
Huma was keen to breastfeed but found it difficult and was never able to establish breastfeeding. She found this very upsetting and said it made her feel like a bad mother. It was only later, through a friend, that she learned she could have continued expressing breast milk and feeding it to her daughter by bottle. Looking back, she wishes she had been given this information when she was struggling.
Huma said it took around three months to recover physically from the birth and pre-eclampsia, but much longer to recover mentally. She developed postnatal depression and struggled with feelings of guilt about not being able to breastfeed. She also felt isolated during the early months after the birth, particularly as all of her family, apart from her husband, were in Pakistan. Because her daughter was very unsettled, Huma found it difficult to attend mother-and-baby groups during those first few months, which added to her sense of isolation. Once she was able to go, however, she found them very helpful. Although she wanted to talk to her midwives and health visitor about how she was feeling during their home visits, she never had an opportunity to do so. She said their focus was on her physical recovery and her baby's health rather than her emotional wellbeing. Huma spoke positively about a doula-style model of postnatal care that she understood was available in Germany, where her husband had previously worked, and felt that the combination of practical and emotional support at home would have helped her recovery.
Huma wished she had been given more information about pre-eclampsia, including its long-term impact on cardiovascular health, which she said was never discussed with her. She looked online for information but found it difficult to know which sources she could trust. Her advice to other women is to be cautious about relying on information found on the internet.
Huma found it harder to remember to take her blood-pressure medication after giving birth because there was no longer a risk of it impacting her baby.
Huma found it harder to remember to take her blood-pressure medication after giving birth because there was no longer a risk of it impacting her baby.
Yeah, it was, like, I was, like, if it could help me in a way, like, if it’s, like, before that the thing it was all the thing... all the thing it was for the baby. Like, I was, like, I don’t wanna harm my baby, so if it’s good to take this medication and in a way it’s... I can... I can keep my baby safe. And so that was the motivation before the delivery. And after that, honestly, I wasn’t that regular in taking the medication. Even they asked me to take it regularly, but I was so busy with oth... other stuff and we... I didn’t took it regularly, honestly.
For Huma, stopping breastfeeding contributed to her postnatal depression and feelings of guilt, which were made worse by comments from other people.
For Huma, stopping breastfeeding contributed to her postnatal depression and feelings of guilt, which were made worse by comments from other people.
And how did you feel then about having to stop breastfeeding?
Yeah, it affects my mental... I feel, like, for maybe for a month or so, I feel like I’m not a good mother at all. No, I... I was, like, even some people they make me realise this thing. Like, one of my friends and she said, “Oh, you should have breastfed her.” This is like... I was like: “No-one... it’s not an option for me.” Like, it’s not a thing. Like, I am not doing it intentionally. I wants to. Like, no I... I don’t think so there is some mother in this world who intentionally don’t breastfed her baby. It’s... it’s like she... I... I tried my best. I... even people who met me now, even now they... they asked me that if you breastfed her or if she’s... she was on formula and I am like: “No, she took formula.” And they ask me the reason that why... why you didn’t breastfed her. Yeah, so... Yeah. Even so, I feel very low and I feel like it... it’s not, like, it’s... and it was not my intention. It’s like I tried my best whatever... whatever was in my knowledge, whatever I could do, I... I tried, but if I couldn’t, then... then this is not the thing that was in my hands. This... this is like I couldn’t do, but...